Filthy, Stinking Rich

Happy Holidaze, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of A DISH BEST KILLED, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce and her lesbian lover Jett Targo make a plan to kill Haven's elderly husband for his money ...


INT. HAVEN'S HOUSE BOAT - NIGHT

Jett goes to the bar.
Looks at the framed pictures of Dart
with various Hollywood stars of old.

DART AND CARY GRANT
playing golf.
Cary and GRACE KELLY watch him put.

WITH JANE GREER
directing her and Robert Mitchum.
She’s behind the wheel of a big Cadillac.
He’s got a gun. They’re all laughing.

DART AND FRANK SINATRA
at a swanky nightclub in Vegas
with Dean, Sammy, Joey and Peter.

Watching him blow out birthday
candles on a big cake.

IN DART’S BEDROOM
he lies in bed, eyes closed.
Haven’s arm is under the covers,
slowly going up and down.
Her face a dark storm cloud.

IN THE MAIN CABIN
Jett goes to a cabinet.
Opens a door, revealing --

An OSCAR. Best Director.
Coated with a thin layer of dust.

She gingerly picks it up. Blows on it.
Raises it up. Does an arm curl. Stops.
Looks at her reflection in the glass.

JETT (CONT’D)
(softly)
I’d like to thank the Academy --

HAVEN (O.C.)
Thank god you’re still here.

Jett quickly puts the Oscar back, embarrassed.

JETT
Sorry, I --

HAVEN
You know how many times I’ve wanted
to smash him over the head
with that goddamn Oscar?

JETT
(scared)
You shouldn’t -- say things like that.

HAVEN
You shouldn’t do a lot of things, Jett.
But it’s all I can think about.
I have to get out of here.
I’m going insane.
(goes to Jett, grabs her)
He’s rich, Jett. Filthy, stinking rich.
Think about what you and I
could do with all that money.
Go away somewhere.
Start a new life.
Be together. Be happy.
(tears in her eyes)
I haven’t been happy
in a long time, Jett.
And then I met you.
And then everything started
to fall into place.
I could see daylight
after so much darkness.
(a sob)
So much darkness --

Haven buries her face in Jett’s chest.
Softly sobs. Jett comforts her.
Looks around the room. Clearly confused.

JETT
So -- how much is he worth?

HAVEN
(pulls away, excited)
Then you’ll do it?

JETT
How much?

HAVEN
A few million. He’s got about --
eight hundred thousand in the bank.

JETT
Eight hundred thousand?

HAVEN
So you’ll do it?

JETT
I need to -- think about it.

But Haven won’t take no for an answer.
She slides off her top.

Presses her chest against
Jett’s. Sucks on her ear.

HAVEN
Please, Jett. I need you.
Don’t you want to be with me?

JETT
(swimming)
Y-yes -- I do --

HAVEN
(kisses her neck)
Aren’t you tired of training
fat, rich, yuppie assholes?

JETT
God, yes.

Haven’s hand slides down
to Jett’s zipper. Slowly rubs it.

HAVEN
And do you want me to keep
JERKING OFF the sonofabitch? EVERY DAY?

JETT
(delirious)
Of course not!

HAVEN
Then will you do it? For me?
(beat)
For us?

JETT
(closes her yes)
I’ll do it.
(beat)
I’ll do it.

Haven SQUEEZES Jett, embraces her.

HAVEN
Ohmigod, YES. Thank you, baby. Thank you.

JETT
But it has to be perfect.
We have to plan this carefully.
Everything is at stake.
One little mistake --

HAVEN
We’ll be careful.

JETT
(realizes, looks at watch)
Oh, shit -- I’ve got another client.
I’m going to be LATE.

HAVEN
(kisses Jett)
Then go, baby. I’ll see you -- tomorrow?

JETT
(smiles)
Tomorrow.
(goes to the door)
We’re -- really doing this.

HAVEN
(eyes flashing)
Together.

Jett smiles. Turns.

JETT
Together.

And she’s gone --