Don't Shit Your Pants Again, Okay?

Happy Thursday, crime hipsters. Are you ready to get down and dirty? Ready for a no-holds barred, hardboiled trip to nowhere? Then saddle up your Harley and head on over to the most depraved planet in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where the plot not only thickens, it congeals ...

First up, prep school teacher Gill Sherry phones hooker Alona Tal and tells her that he's been mugged, but that he has a plan to get more scratch by robbing his own house. Then, just as the cops arrive at the 'party out of bounds' in search of the dead starlet, drug dealer Beggar Leck and 'attorney to the stars' Lief Scott make their getaway ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH POLICE SUBSTATION - NIGHT
Gill walks up to the door. Hesitates. Turns around.

GILL
What was I thinking?

He walks over to a bench. Sits down.
Pulls out his cell phone.
Punches a number. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HOLLY’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Alona stares at Holly. Then at Feo.

ALONA
What the fuck are we gonna do NOW?

Her phone RINGS.
She pulls it out of her pocket.
Answers it.

ALONA (CONT’D)
Hello?

GILL
Alona, it’s me, Gill.

ALONA
Where are you?
What’s taking so long?

GILL
I got mugged, AND carjacked.
They got my wallet AND my car.

ALONA
SHIT. Are you okay?

GILL
I’m fine. Sort of.
(beat)
Finally stopped shaking --

ALONA
So are you coming back to the hotel?

GILL
Not yet. I have an idea.
(looks around)
I’m gonna sneak into my house --

ALONA
And ROB it?
What, are you fucking CRAZY?

GILL
It’s still MY house, Alona.
(beat)
Haven’t you heard of 'community property?'

EXT. LIEF’S CONDO - NIGHT
A police cruiser is parked on Speedway in front of Lief’s building.
Danette and Kenny jump out of the car. Draw their guns.
Make their way toward the side entrance.

KENNY
I thought it was a loud party.
I don’t hear anything.

DANETTE
Dead bodies kinda clears out the crowd.
They get to the front door. See it’s ajar.

DANETTE (CONT’D)
Follow me slowly, keep me covered and --

KENNY
Be quiet. I know, I know.

DANETTE
And do me a favor.
Don’t shit your pants again, okay?

EXT. BEACHFRONT CONDO - OCEAN SIDE - AT THAT MOMENT
Lief stands in the shrubbery.
Watches Beggar hit the ground.

LIEF
Over here.

BEGGAR
(sees him, comes over)
My car is parked on Speedway.

LIEF
So we’ll walk.

BEGGAR
You don’t get it.
There’s a fucking KILO OF BLOW in my trunk.

LIEF
Oh, shit. That’s right.
(beat)
So what are you gonna do?

BEGGAR
I’m gonna very quietly go to my car
and get the fuck out of here.
The sirens stopped,
so the cops must be inside.
I gotta do it now before they find -- her.
(beat)
You with me?

LIEF
Are you fucking kidding me?
I’ll walk down to the pier and wait for you.

BEGGAR
Spoken like a true attorney.