Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Fucked

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 26 of NOWHERE GIRLS, it's the calm before the storm as FBI agents Max Cargo and Sunday Sparks send a SWAT team into the shopping mall to get covert ops Cherry Nation and April Street. Meanwhile, evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond chooses a new assassin to get the girls ... while they look for an escape route deep in the mall basement ...

EXT. SHOPPING MALL - NIGHT
Sunday and Max walk up to a GRUFF SWAT COMMANDER,
a big, burly, no-nonsense kinda fella.

SUNDAY
Has the perimeter been secured?

GRUFF SWAT COMMANDER
Yeah. We’re sweeping the interior.
Nothing yet.

MAX
They’re probably in one of the
basements by now --

SUNDAY
Then we have them TRAPPED.
(to Gruff)
Good work, officer --

GRUFF SWAT COMMANDER
Sergeant. Sergeant Sprague.
(looks her up and down)
TOM Sprague -- like ‘tomcat’ --
(smiles, smarmy)
So listen, after we catch these fillies,
what do you say we grab a cup of java?
(winks)
I’ve got the cream.

Sunday’s nostrils flare. She reaches up.
GRABS him by the balls. Squeezes HARD.
He WINCES in pain.

SUNDAY
Now you listen to me, BUSTER.
I’m the west coast BUREAU CHIEF,
and I can have your badge
faster than Andy Dick in a pharmacy.
So get your fat ass BACK ON THE JOB,
and save your sleazy come-ons
for some cheap whore who GIVES A FUCK.

She lets go with flourish.
He stumbles backwards,
bowing and nodding his head furiously.

TOM
Yes, sir -- uh, ma’am -- I’m sorry,
I will, I, I --

And he trots off, red-faced.

MAX
Good job. Surgical precision.

SUNDAY
Hell hath no fury like a woman fucked.

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - AT THAT MOMENT
Honey stands next to Monsterburg
at his work station.

HONEY
Pull up our database of assets.
I want to see all of our sleepers.

MONSTERBURG
You having -- second thoughts about Rock?

HONEY
That’s why I make the big bucks,
little fella. Gimmee some names.

His fingers FLY across the keyboard.
A stream of DATA starts filling
his computer monitor.

HONEY
(reads off the screen)
Irina Kolishnikov. What’s her deal?

MONSTERBURG
Hold on a sec --

The computer BEEPS,
and we see on the screen:

IRINA KOLISHNIKOV
A big, beautiful hunk of curved, Russian muscle.
Martina Navratilova’s body,
with the face of Angelina Jolie.

HONEY
Reads the intel.

HONEY
Fluent in five languages,
can bench press three-hundred pounds,
expert marksman --
(reads)
Been in sleeper status five years.
Never been used on an assignment.
Programmed to kill, then self-terminate.
(reads)
Works as a ‘fitness instructor to the stars’
in Beverly Hills. PERFECT.
(looks at him)
Active her IMMEDIATELY.

MONSTERBURG
Your wish is my command,
oh mighty goddess of espionage.

Honey blinks. Startled. Pleased.

HONEY
Play your cards right, sonny,
and there’ll be a big promotion for you.
(winks)
With benefits.

Monsterburg turns red. Blushes.

MONSTERBURG
Color me tingly all over.

HONEY
I never got your first name, doll.

MONSTERBURG
D-dave --

HONEY
Okay, Dave. Time for you get
Goliath on me and use that big stick.

INT. SHOPPING MALL - UNDERGROUND CORRIDOR - AT THAT MOMENT
April and Cherry walk down a corridor.
Get to the end.

See a door padlocked shut.
April pulls out a small, felt bag.

Takes out a lock pick.
Starts working the tumblers.

CHERRY
Once again I meet a great guy
and he gets KILLED --

APRIL
I know. I’m sorry.
(to herself)
Poor Simon --

CHERRY
Makes you wanna rethink
your career path, huh?

The door CLICKS open.
They walk into --

INT. EQUIPMENT ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Dark and dingy. Cramped with humming banks
of fuse boxes and phone relays.
Air conditioning machines.

They both SNAP on their flashlights.
Start to walk through the room.

CHERRY
So what was the problem?
He was cute, funny.
Seemed like a great guy.

APRIL
He was. But he was -- too clingy.
I had to tell him my every move,
which made doing my JOB kinda tricky.
(beat)
Sound familiar?

CHERRY
Yeah.
(beat)
You think we’ll EVER find someone?

APRIL
Are you fucking kidding me?
Too smokin’ hot chicks like us?
(sees something)
Holy shit. Check it OUT --

April’s light shines on a
SET OF STEEL RUNGS on the cement wall
that lead up into a opening in the ceiling.

CHERRY
Bingo. We can climb up to the roof.
But how will Rock be able to get to us?

APRIL
If Honey and her cronies
orchestrated this whole fiasco,
I’m SURE her number two
can figure it out.
C’mon, time to climb the espionage ladder.

CHERRY
Always with the witty repartee --

APRIL
Hey, doll -- dialogs are forever.

Boom, Boom, Boom, Out Go The Lights

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking MONDAY. Do you know what time it is? It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of NOWHERE GIRLS, evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond, deep in her underground lair, chews out her aide de camp Rock Vargas after covert ops Cherry Nation and April Street have taken out her latest assassins. Meanwhile, deep below Macy's department store, Cherry and April are making their escape from the FBI when they get a surprise phone call from Rock, who now wants to defect ...


EXT. MACY’S DEPARTMENT STORE - NIGHT
The joint has become a mob scene of FBI,
local COPS, a SWAT TEAM and MEDIA.

NEWS VANS crowd for position behind barricades.
It’s a three-ring circus.

Sunday and Max lean against their SUV.
Watch the commotion.

MAX
Look. TMZ just got here.

SUNDAY
Fucking retards. Don’t they realize
they could comprise the operation?

MAX
People eat this shit up.
They’ll watch it for hours.
(looks at her)
You realize that if we capture them,
we’re gonna be celebrities?

SUNDAY
Really? You think so?
(thinks)
Damn. Think of all the snatch
I’d be able to get --

MAX
(smiles)
Exactly.

SUNDAY
(looks him over)
You’re not as big of an asshole
as I thought you were.

MAX
And you’re not a complete bitch.

Pause.
SUNDAY

Yeah, well -- keep it under your hat.

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - AT THAT MOMENT
All of the agents, ops and techs stare at honey, white-faced.

Honey paces back and forth. Red-faced.
FURIOUS. She stops. WHIRLS AROUND.
Points at Rock.

HONEY
How could those GIRLS have taken out
Shao Lin and her team? TELL ME.

ROCK
I don’t know, sir.
Shao Lin is one of our best --

HONEY
WAS. She’s DEAD.
Do you realize that a STRIPPER
and a STUNT WOMAN have taken out
three of our best operatives?

ROCK
Yes, ma’am.

HONEY
So what are you gonna DO ABOUT IT?

ROCK
I, uh -- uh --

HONEY
I can’t HEAR YOU --

ROCK
Well, let me think a sec --

Honey WHIPS OUT a 9mm Glock.
SHOVES IT in his mouth.

HONEY
YOU’RE gonna take care of them, GOT IT?

Rock nods, eyes filled with terrified tears.

ROCK
Yeth, mummm --

HONEY
(CLICKS the safety)
And you’re not gonna FUCK UP, RIGHT?

ROCK
(shakes his head ‘no’)
Nho, nho --

HONEY
You got THAT right, MISTER.

She YANKS the gun out of his mouth.
Wipes it on the front of his jacket. Sneers.

HONEY (CONT’D)
Now go, GO -- take care them.
And if you DON’T, don’t COME BACK.
(beat)
And I will hunt you down
to the end of the earth, GOT IT?

ROCK
(nods)
G-got it. Got it. Don’t worry.
I’ll take care of it.
I’ll -- take care of it.

HONEY
Then GO. Don’t just stand there.
Get the fuck OUTTA HERE and GET THEM.

ROCK
Y-yes, MA’AM.

He hurries away. Shaking.
Muttering to himself.

Everyone stares at Honey.
Scared to death.

HONEY
Damn, all of a sudden I’m STARVING.
Who wants to order a pizza?

INT. MALL BASEMENT - UNDERGROUND CORRIDOR - AT THAT MOMENT
Dimly-lit. A dim bulb FLASHES in the gloom.
Water drips down the walls.

April and Cherry walk down the corridor
wearing their backpacks.
April shines a flashlight on a door.

APRIL
See? We can see each store as we pass it.

CHERRY
Yeah, but how are we gonna get out of here?
The entire mall is going to be
completely surrounded by now.

APRIL
We’ll think of something.
We always do --

Cherry’s cell phone RINGS.
They look at each other. Huh?

She fishes it out. Answers it.

CHERRY
Hello -- ?

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD - NIGHT
A big, black HUMMER barrels down the sleazy boulevard.

INT. ROCK’S HUMMER - MOVING - NIGHT
Rock sits behind the wheel.
Speaking on his hands-free cell.

ROCK
Is this -- Cherry Nation?

CHERRY
Who wants to know?

ROCK
Rock Vargas. You don’t know me.
I used to work for Honey Almond --

CHERRY
(to April)
It’s some guy who says
he used to work for Honey Almond.

APRIL
Hang up. It’s a trap.

Cherry nods. CLICKS her phone shut.

ROCK
Hello?
(beat)

Shit.

He redials.
Cherry’s phone RINGS again.
She answers it.

CHERRY
Hello?

ROCK
It’s me again, don’t hang up,
I want to HELP YOU.

CHERRY
Fuck you.
You think we’re that STUPID?

ROCK
No, no, no --
I think you’re fucking BRILLIANT.
That’s why I want to work for you.

CHERRY
WHAT?

ROCK
Honey Almond is a fucking PSYCHO.
I’m SICK of working for her.
After you iced Shao and her girls,
she sent me to whack you,
but I know that’s impossible.
So now I’M dead --
(exhales)
I’m tired of being a bad guy.
I want to do something GOOD for a change.
I’ve got intel that’ll make your head spin.
I know you’re in a jam right now.
Let me help you.

CHERRY
How do I know you’re telling me the truth?

ROCK
What if I gave you Honey’s location?

CHERRY
Hold on a sec --
(cups the phone, to April)
He wants to defect, work for us.
Says he can give us Honey’s location.

APRIL
I dunno. Smells fishy --

CHERRY
Yeah, but if he doesn’t know we’re suspicious,
what do we have to lose?
Worse comes to worse, we clip him.

APRIL
Okay. Tell him to come get us. Alone.

CHERRY
(nods, into the phone)
You still there?

ROCK
Yeah. Are we cool?

CHERRY
Like ice.
We need you to come pick us up, ALONE.
You’re gonna need FBI credentials.

ROCK
No problem. Also have CIA,
Homeland Security, NSA, Interpol --

CHERRY
Well, aren’t you the eager forger.
I’ll text you our coordinates,
and then get your ass over here, PRONTO.
GOT it?

ROCK
Got it. Thank you.
You won’t regret it.

CHERRY
Solid. But know this.
Any monkey business,
and it’s boom, boom, boom --
out go the lights.

Let's Blow This Cluster-Fuck

Happy Friday, crime slicksters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 24 of NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agent sisters April Street and Cherry Nation barely escape with their lives after being pursued through Macy's department store by Shao Lin and her schoolgirl assassins ...


INT. MACY’S DEPARTMENT STORE - NIGHT
The top floor. Sporting goods. Rows of bicycles.
Skateboards. Skis. Athletic equipment, all shiny and new.

Cherry’s bike RACES down the aisle.
Takes a turn, KNOCKS OVER a display of in-line skates.

Simon’s bike follows right behind.
ROARING after her.
April holding on for dear life.

SHAO, NASHI AND SUZU
Come RACING after them on foot.
See the bicycles.

They each GRAB one and JUMP ON,
start furiously PEDALLING after them.

INT. ESCALATOR - CONTINUOUS
Cherry FLIES down the stairs,
the front wheel BANG-BANG-BANGING on each step.
Gets to the bottom. Stops.

Simon FLIES down, right after her.
SKIDS to a stop.

SIMON
Why did you stop?

CHERRY
Just making sure you were behind me.
C’mon, let’s GO.

Just then, Shao and the girls
come flying down the stairs on their bikes.

Shao starts SHOOTING at them.
Nashi THROWS knives.
Suzu WHIRLS a spiked metal ball on a chain.

CHERRY (CONT'D)
Holy SHIT.
We’re in The House of Flying Daggers, MOVE IT.

And she TAKES off,
Simon and April right behind her.

Suzu HURLS the spiked ball.
It WHIZZES over their heads.

Cherry GUNS the engine.
ROARS down an aisle of furniture,
Simon follows.

April pulls out her gun.
Starts SHOOTING at them.
She HITS Suzu in the head, BANG --

And she goes FLYING in the air.
LANDS on a bed, THWUNK. Dead.

One of Nashi’s daggers HITS
Simon in the shoulder, THWICK.

APRIL
(sees it)
SIMON.

SIMON
Deal with it LATER.

And GUNS the engine, following Cherry.

AT THE NEXT ESCALATOR
Cherry ROARS down the steps,
Simon right behind her,
DUCKING Shao’s hail of bullets.

Simon looks behind.
Gets an idea. Smiles. Evil.

His bike gets to the bottom,
and he SLAMS on the brakes,
turns the motorcycle sideways,
and Shao’s bike BANGS into it -

And she goes FLYING in the air --
and CRASHES into a chest of drawers -- SMASH.

Nashi’s bike SMASHES into them.
She JUMPS off,
PULLS out another dagger,
and JUMPS on April.

April WHIPS out her Glock.
FIRES in her face. BANG.
Nashi’s head EXPLODES in a red mist.

CHERRY
Looks behind her.
Sees Simon’s not there.
TURNS the wheel,
CRASHES through a display of curtains,
SPINS in a circle,
and ROARS back after them.

Curtains draped on her, the bike.

SHAO
LEAPS off the bed.
JUMPS on Simon.

GRABS the knife in his shoulder.
YANKS it out --

SIMON (CONT’D)
GAAAA --

APRIL
Sees this. SCREAMS.

APRIL
NOOOOOO.
Pulls out her Glock. Takes aim.
And SHOOTS Shao in the head, BANG --
just as she PLUNGES the knife in Simon’s NECK.

Blood GOES FLYING from both of their heads.

NASHI
Sees this and SCREAMS.

NASHI
You kill my BOSS.

CHERRY
ROARS up on her bike and
SMASHES into Nashi. SPLAT.

SPINS the wheels on her,
THRASHING her body into a bloody pulp.

Silence.

April and Cherry stare at each other.

APRIL
(eyes tearing)
Simon’s -- dead.

CHERRY
I know. I’m sorry.
(looks at the bodies)
We gotta get the fuck outta here.

APRIL
(nods)
We better ditch the bike,
makes too much noise.

CHERRY
I bet the joint’s
completely surrounded by now.

APRIL
No shit. That’s why
we’re going underground.

CHERRY
The basement?

APRIL
Yeah. All these malls have
underground tunnels that connect the stores.

CHERRY
How you know that?

APRIL
Spent a summer as an impressionable,
young teen working at Hello Kitty --
and if you tell anyone,
I’ll fucking kill you.

CHERRY
Nuff said. Lead the way, MacDuff.
Let’s blow this clusterfuck.

And they start SPRINTING toward the back of the store.

Be All You Can Be

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of NOWHERE GIRLS, it's complete bedlam as super-spy Homeland Security agent sisters Cherry Nation and April Street escape the FBI on the roof the shopping center, and fly down below into Macy's department store on motorcycles ... while being pursued by Shao Lin and her schoolgirl squad on bicycles ...

EXT. SHOPPING CENTER ROOF - NIGHT
The motorcycles pull up behind
the roof staircase entrance shed. Take cover.
Simon nods at the next building over.

SIMON
Now we go over there --
(looks)
What happened to Serge?

CHERRY
(teary-eyed)
Serge got -- shot.

APRIL
SHIT.

SIMON
(sees something)
Look. We’ve got MORE company.

ON THE OTHER BUILDING
Shao and the girls race to the edge
of the roof and FLY INTO SPACE --
then land on opposite side, SLAP-SLAP-SLAP.

THE HELICOPTER
Starts FIRING at them.

THE GIRLS
RACE over to the other side of the shed
where April, Cherry and Simon are.

Shao looks up. Grimaces.

SHAO
Suzu. M-six, please.

Suzu pulls out a GRENADE.
SLAPS it in Shao’s hand.

She PULLS the pin, and FLINGS it
in the air at the chopper.

CHERRY
Looks up.

CHERRY
We can’t move yet,
not with that chopper up there --

THE GRENADE
Flies into the chopper.

IN THE CHOPPER
The pilot sees it.

PILOT
SHIT --

THE CHOPPER
EXPLODES in a MASSIVE FIREBALL -- BOOM.
Debris, flames, metal, bodies FLY into the air.

Shao, Suzu and Nashi jump up
and clap excitedly.

MAX AND SUNDAY
Watch from the roof next door.

MAX
Fucking schoolgirls blew up our CHOPPER.

SUNDAY
They’re fucking AMAZING.
We have to capture them and make them ASSETS.

ON THE ROOF
April looks at the door of the shed.
Pulls out her pistol.

SHOOTS off the lock, BANG.
The door FLIES OPEN,
revealing a staircase going down.

SIMON
What’s down there?

APRIL
Macy’s. And we’re smart shoppers.

Cherry and Simon KICK-START
their engines with a ROAR.
Then FLY down the stairs --

Just as Shao, Nashi and Suzu appear.
Shao STOMPS her foot.

SHAO
AFTER THEM.

And they RACE down the steps.

ON THE NEXT ROOFTOP
Cherry and Max pile into their SUV.
ROAR away back down the ramp.
The other vehicles follow them.

INT. MAX’S SUV - MOVING
Max turns the wheel furiously,
negotiating the turns.

Sunday BARKS into her cell phone.

SUNDAY
We’ve got ‘em trapped
in the building next door.
I want every exit SEALED, you got me?
(listens)
Well, then get MORE BACK-UP.
(listens)
Just DO IT. NOW.

She CLICKS her phone shut with disgust.
Looks at Max.

SUNDAY
I can’t believe the ATTITUDE
of some of these kids --

MAX
Guess we’re a long way from
'Be all you can be,' huh.

SUNDAY
Yeah. More like An Army of NONE --

INT. MACY’S DEPARTMENT STORE - CONTINUOUS
The top floor. Sporting goods.
Rows of bicycles. Skateboards. Skis.
Athletic equipment, all shiny and new.

Cherry’s bike RACES down the aisle.
Takes a turn, KNOCKS OVER a display
of in-line skates.

Simon’s bike follows right behind.
ROARING after her.
April holding on for dear life.

SHAO, NASHI AND SUZU
Come RACING after them on foot.
See the bicycles.

They each GRAB one and JUMP ON,
start furiously PEDALLING after them.

INT. ESCALATOR - CONTINUOUS
Cherry FLIES down the stairs,
the front wheel BANG-BANG-BANGING on each step.

Gets to the bottom. Stops.
Simon FLIES down, right after her.
SKIDS to a stop.

SIMON
Why did you stop?

CHERRY
Just making sure you were behind me.
C’mon, let’s GO.

Just then, Shao and the girls
come flying down the stairs on their bikes.

Shao starts SHOOTING at them.
Nashi THROWS knives.
Suzu WHIRLS a spiked metal ball on a chain.

CHERRY
Holy SHIT.
We’re in The House of Flying Daggers,
MOVE IT.

Sushi Gone Wild

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of NOWHERE GIRLS, the shit hits the fan when Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation are pursued in a high-speed chase in a parking garage by FBI agents Max Cargo and Sunday Sparks and assassin Shao Lin and her posse ...


INT. MAX’S SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Max drives through the parking lot,
looking for the RV.

MAX
I don’t see it, I don’t see it.

SUNDAY
Think, think, think, --
where could they hide?

They look at each other.
A lightbulb POPS.

Max turns the wheel,
STEPS on the gas.

INT. PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT
The Winnebago SHOOTS through the garage.

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - CONTINUOUS
April points to an ‘up’ ramp.

APRIL
Go up. We don’t want to get stuck underground.

SERGE
(downshifts)
I’m one step ahead of you --

CHERRY
April, you grab the laptop.
I’ll get the weapons.

IN THE PARKING GARAGE
The RV gets to the ramp, starts going up.

AT THE ENTRANCE RAMP
Max’s SUV FLIES downward, turns.
SCREECHES, burning rubber.

MAX
Which way, which way?

SUNDAY
No way they’d be stupid enough
to go down. Go UP --

Max turns the wheel,
SLAMS the vehicle up the ramp.

EXT. SHOPPING CENTER - NIGHT
Shao’s bug ROARS into the parking lot.
Starts circling.

IN THE BUG
Shao scans the parking lot.
No sign of the RV.

NASHI
(spins the wheel)
I don’t SEE THEM.

Suzu studies her I-phone.
Listening through headphones.

SUZU
A-HA.
(points)
FBI go into PARKING GARAGE.

Nashi HITS the gas.
ROARS toward the entrance.

SHAO
Got you now, girlies.
Momma needs to have a word with you --

EXT. PARKING STRUCTURE - ROOF - NIGHT
The RV comes up the ramp.
ROARS across the roof.
SCREECHES to a halt.

April, Cherry and Serge PILE OUT.
Simon ROARS out the back door on his Harley.
They race over to him.

SIMON
(points)
We’re in luck.
There’s another bike over there.
April can ride with me.
You two take that one.

April hefts her bag. Jumps on.

SERGE
But I can’t drive a motorcycle.

CHERRY
I can --

She RACES OVER to the bike.
Pulls out wires on the steering column.

Touches them together.
They SPARK. The engine ROARS.

She pulls it up to Serge.
He hops on.

SERGE
Luc Besson, eat your heart out.

SIMON
(to Cherry, points)
We go to the rear wall over there.
Then ride over that way
and jump onto the roof
of the building next door.
Got it?

CHERRY
Got it.
Just then the FBI SUV
ROARS OUT onto the roof. Stops.

Honey and Max JUMP OUT.
Pull out their weapons. Take Aim.

MAX
FBI. Stay where you are.
DON’T MOVE, OR WE’LL SHOOT.

SUNDAY
(on her cell phone)
We have the target in sight.
We need backup, NOW.
Where’s that fucking CHOPPER?

CHERRY
(sees them)
Quick, behind the RV.

Simon and Cherry HIT THE GAS.
Drive the bikes around.

Everyone JUMPS off.
GRABS their weapons.

MAX AND SUNDAY
Start FIRING at them.
BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG.

APRIL AND CHERRY
Fire back. BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG.

SERGE
Climbs up to the roof of the RV.
Opens a compartment.
Revealing a GIANT M-240
ARMY MACHINE GUN.

SERGE
Time to put on full metal jacket --

And starts SPRAYING Max and Sunday
with MACHINE GUN FIRE.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

SHAO’S BUG
Drive up onto the roof behind the FBI vehicles.

IN THE CAR
Shao shakes her fist furiously.

SHAO
Goddamn G-boys try to spoil our fun.
C’mon, girlies. Let’s show ‘em how it’s DONE.

They JUMP out of the car.

MAX AND SUNDAY
Take cover behind their vehicle.

MAX
Where the fuck they get THAT?

SUNDAY
(into her phone)
Hey, SHIT FOR BRAINS. Where’s my --

A DEAFENING ROAR,
as A BLACK HAWK HELICOPTER flies overhead.

Two more FBI vehicles appear on the roof.
More agents JUMP OUT.
Start racing toward the Winnebago.

Simon and April JUMP onto his motorcycle.
Cherry and Serge JUMP on the stolen bike.

They HIT THE GAS,
and ROAR off across the roof.

Bullets WHIZ BY as the bikes
FLY toward the edge of the building.

Serge gets HIT in the back, CRACK.
He FLIES off the bike
and PLUMMETS to the ground.

The motorcycles reach the edge,
FLY INTO THE AIR in an arc --

and BANG, land on the roof next door.
ATOP THE PARKING STRUCTURE
The FBI agents continue SHOOTING.

THE HELICOPTER
Flies toward the motorcycles.

A MACHINE GUN appears out the side window.
Starts FIRING a SPRAY OF BULLETS.

ATOP THE PARKING STRUCTURE
Shao, Nashi and Suzu TEAR ASS
along the side of the roof.

SUNDAY AND MAX
See them.

MAX
Who the fuck are THEY?

SUNDAY
Sushi Gone WILD?

All In A Day's Skirt

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of NOWHERE GIRLS, it's the calm before the storm, as Homeland Security agent-sisters April Street and Cherry Nation are being pursued by FBI agents Max Cargo and Sunday Sparks, as well as evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond's 'assassins of the moment,' Shao Lin and her assistants ... as they drive their 'safe house on wheels' into a shopping center parking garage ...


INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - NIGHT
Serge drives. Cherry, April and Simon
huddle on the couch behind him.
April looks out the window.

APRIL
Turn left here at the shopping center.

SERGE
I thought we were going to Hollywood.

APRIL
We are. But first we have to ditch the RV
and get new wheels.

CHERRY
What’s up with that?

SIMON
Spy satellites, chickie.
The FBI are gonna be on
our asses any minute now.
In case you didn’t notice,
this vehicle sticks out like
a Mensa member at a tea party --

INT. MAX’S SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Sunday and Max stare out the windshield.

SUNDAY
When was the last time you got laid?

MAX
Mind your own fucking business.

SUNDAY
Oooh. Testy, aren’t we?

MAX
I think Ellen Degeneris SUCKS.
What do you think of THAT, huh?

SUNDAY
So do I. NEXT.
(into the phone)
What was that? Got it --
(to Max)
Turn right on Lincoln,
they’re about a mile away.
(pumps a fist)
Hot DAMN. Let’s get us some BITCHES.

MAX
(turns, looks at her)
Takes one to know one, huh.

EXT. SHOPPING CENTER - NIGHT
The camper drives through the parking lot.

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April sits in the passenger seat next to Serge.
Points.

APRIL
Go down the ramp into the parking garage.

CHERRY
Aha. There’s a method to your madness.

SERGE
Brilliant. Satellite won’t see us
if we’re underground.

SIMON
Simon says, hide and seek, G-man.

EXT. SHOPPING CENTER - CONTINUOUS
The RV enters the garage entrance.
Goes down the ramp.

EXT. LINCOLN BOULEVARD - NIGHT
A black VOLKSWAGON BUG zips down the street.
The new model. Cute. Efficient. FAST.

INT. VOLKSWAGON BUG - CONTINUOUS
Nashi’s behind the wheel.

Suzu rides shotgun.
Cleaning a three-foot-long sword.

Shao Lin’s in the back seat.
Fingers wiping her I-phone screen furiously.
She speaks into it.

SHAO
New coordinates, please.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - AT THAT MOMENT
Honey stands at Monsterburg’s workstation.
Sips from an extra-large-grande super-coffee.
Vibrating with caffeine.

MONSTERBURG
Fifteen-hundred block of Lincoln Boulevard.
And be prepared. You have company.

SHAO
COMPANY? Who?

HONEY
(leans into the mike)
FBI. How do you think we got the location?

SHAO
You are evil genius, Ms. Almond.

HONEY
All in a day’s skirt, doll.
(beat)
Please. Call me 'Honey.'

SHAO
Over and out, Honey-pie.
Catch you on the flip-flop.

Honey stands up straight.
Pats him on the back.

HONEY
Good work, Monsterburg.
Tapping into the FBI’s feed. Genius.
One of these days I’m
gonna give you a PROMOTION.

MONSTERBURG
Th-thanks, Honey.

HONEY
That’s MS. ALMOND to YOU, Geek Squad.
And if I catch you updating
your Facebook page at work again,
you’re gonna get POKED --

Combination Platter

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking New Year. I don't know about you, but I'm glad the holidays are OVER. Put a CORK in it.

And now it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 21 of NOWHERE GIRLS, evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond activates her latest assassins, Shao Lin and her assistants, right now disguised as Japanese schoolgirls, and sends them to kill super-spy sisters Cherry Nation and April Street. Meanwhile, FBI agents Max Cargo and Sunday Sparks are also after the girls ...


EXT. UNIVERSAL STUDIOS - CITYWALK - NIGHT
A bustling, overcrowded fake street lined with tourist shit,
overpriced shitty restaurants, theme-bars,
and hordes of fat, bustling TOURISTS
gawking at all the bright and shiny crap.

Standing in front of a Hooters restaurant
is a group of JAPANESE SCHOOL GIRLS,
chattering and giggling.

They wear sailor smocks,
plaid miniskirts and knee-high white socks.

One of the girls,
a tall, striking curvy goblet of dumplings
looks at her pocketbook as it VIBRATES.

She pulls out her cell phone,
steps away from the group.

Meet SHAO LIN (25),
a toxic cocktail of lethal proportions.

Beauty, brains and bullets.
Shaken AND stirred.

SHAO
This is Shao --
(listens)
Of course --
(listens)
I see. Sounds dangerous.
I LOVE IT.
(listens)
Sure thing. Text me coordinates.
We’re on our way.
(listens)
Dead or alive?
(eyes wide)
Thank YOU, Sir.
You know how to make girl
very happy. Bye.

She CLICKS the phone shut.
Waves at a couple of the girls.

They scuttle over.
Look serious. Inquisitive.

TALL JAPANESE GIRL
What up, girlfriend?

MUSCULAR JAPANESE GIRL
We have job?

Meet NASHI (19) and SUZU (20),
Shao’s junior assassins.

SHAO
(nods, serious)
You see on news about American girls
involved with terrorist at White House?

NASHI
(makes a fist)
Of course. Was horrible.

SUZU
(nods)
Bad girls. Very bad.

SHAO
We’ve just been assigned to GET THEM.
(big smile)
Dead or alive.

Nashi and Suzu jump up and down excitedly.
Start giggling.

Shao folds her arms across her chest.
Angry.

SHAO (CONT’D)
Girls, girls.
Remember, we are PROFESSIONALS.
You must act accordingly.

They calm down.
Suddenly look grim. Serious.

NASHI
Of course. Very sorry.
I have been suitably chastised.

SUZU
Yes. Killing bitches is solemn act,
for which we are most honored.

A trio of FRAT BOYS walk up to the girls.
Drunk. Grinning.

FAT, DRUNK FRAT BOY
Look, guys -- a combination platter.

RED-FACED FRAT BOY
You likee won long dong?

OBNOXIOUS FRAT BOY
No tickie, no dirty.

They ERUPT with LAUGHTER.
High-fiving each other.

Suddenly, in a BLUR OF SPEED,
Nashi WHIPS OUT nunchucks,
CRACK-CRACKS them over her head,
and HURLS them at Fat.

They WRAP AROUND HIS NECK. He GAGS.
She WHIRLS around in the air --
and KICKS him in the stomach.
OOF, He goes DOWN.

At the same time,
Suzu FLIES in the air.

GRABS Red Face and Obnoxious by the head,
and CRACKS them together. CONK.

They vibrate a moment,
then hit the ground, THWUMP.

SHAO
(nods)
Very good. Warm up round.

A NERDY SECURITY GUARD walks over.
Looks at the frat boys.

NERDY SECURITY GUARD
What’s going on over here?
Did you do that to them?

SHAO
Watchoo gonna do about it, FAT BOY?

NERDY SECURITY GUARD
(starts backing away)
Uh, nothing. Sorry. Never mind.
I’ve seen KILL BILL --
(beat)
Please don’t hurt me.

EXT. PACIFIC AVENUE - NIGHT
A cluster of black FBI SUV's
ROAR down the street.

Followed by the SURVEILLANCE VAN
and a squad of POLICE CARS.

INT. SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Max is behind the wheel.
Sunday rides shotgun.

Two AGENTS sit behind them, working laptops.
She BARKS into her hands-free.

SUNDAY
What’s their LOCATION?
(listens)
Roger that. Over.
(to Max)
Turn left here on Washington.

MAX
Okay --
(looks out the window)
Hey. There’s Hinano’s.
I used to hang out there
back in the day.
Best cheeseburgers at the beach --

SUNDAY
(looks, makes a face)
Looks like a fucking DIVE.

MAX
(wistfully)
Yeah --
(turns, looks, smiles)
Is it beer-thirty yet?

SUNDAY
(under her breath)
Note to self:
thank God I’m a lesbian --