Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 26 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Rommy, Brick and Gaga narrowly escape the zombie attack, then take a break and fire up a joint. Meanwhile, Jool and commando Ginger Jones search Jool's mansion for her mother, and race toward the panic room ...


INT. SWAT TRUCK - MOVING - DAY
Zombies start SLAPPING
against the sides of the vehicle,
the windows. SCREAMING to get in.

ROMMY
What are you WAITING FOR?
GO, GO, GO --

Brick HITS the gas,
and the truck ROARS AWAY.

EXT. TIMES SQUARE - FORTY SECOND STREET - NIGHT
The truck FLIES through the pack of infected.
CRUSHING them. Zombies SPRAY into the air.

But a few still hang onto the sides,
climb onto the roof.

INT. SWAT TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
Brick sees an intersection up ahead.
Gets ready to turn --
and SPINS the steering wheel, HARD.

EXT. SWAT TRUCK - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The truck CAREENS around the corner,
SHAKING OFF the zombies clinging to the sides.

But there’s still one on top.
He starts SCREAMING and POUNDING on the roof.

IN THE TRUCK
They all look up. Freaked.
Gaga pulls out a book of matches.

Lights one.
Touches it to the pack.
It EXPLODES in flames.

She leans out the window.
TOSSES it up.

ON THE TRUCK
The matches hit the zombie.
It EXPLODES IN FLAMES.

IN THE TRUCK
Gaga smiles.
Pulls a joint out
from behind her ear.

GAGA
Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.

Lights up. Takes a big hit.
Holds it in. EXHALES.

ROMMY
Where the fuck did you get THAT?

GAGA
Times Square? Hello?

ROMMY
Gimme some of that.

GAGA
(hands it to him)
No woman, no cry.

BRICK
You think you should be
smoking that NOW?

ROMMY
Excuse ME.
After that shit back there,
I need to take the edge off.
(beat)
And besides,
in my condition it’s medicinal.

Brick stares at him,
taking a big toke.

BRICK
Fuck it.
Gimme a hit of that --

INT. CARLING’S MANSION - FOYER - NIGHT
Ginger and Jool tip-toe across the marble floor.

Point their weapons.
Eyes scanning the room.

GINGER
This room is bigger
than my whole apartment.

Jool leads the way toward the study.

JOOL
This way --

Suddenly Carling appears down the hall.
He’s been INFECTED. Badly. Late-stage.
Skin mottled. Bloody. Eyes BLAZING.

JOOL
(horrified)
NO --

He RACES toward Jool and Ginger.
They FIRE at him.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

His head EXPLODES
in a RED-BROWN MIST.

They lower their guns.
Jool looks at him sadly.

GINGER
I’m so -- sorry.

JOOL
(eyes tear up)
That -- wasn’t my uncle anymore --

GINGER
What about your parents?

JOOL
They were killed by infecteds
when I was seven --
(realizes)
NIN.

GINGER
Who’s that?

JOOL
My nanny.
(thinks)
Maybe she’s in the panic room.
C’mon, follow me.

She trots over
to the grand staircase.

Ginger follows her.
They RACE up the steps --