Leave The Driving To Us

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 40 of THE DISH, in order to being spotted by the cops, adulterous lesbian fugitives Haven and Jett pull into a trailer park and trade their vintage Caddy with a redneck's crusty old pickup truck ...


EXT. TRAILER PARK - NIGHT
The sun has almost set.
The car pulls into a trailer park.

An old, wooden sign reads
SEAL BEACH ESTATES.

INT. HAVEN’S CADILLAC - MOVING
The car inches by
a row of mobile homes.

JETT
Pull up to the end and park.

Haven does.
Stops the car.

HAVEN
So what now?

JETT
Well, I’m thinking that
someone who lives here,
no matter what they drive,
they’re not gonna mind
trading it for a vintage Caddy,
keys in the ignition,
all wrapped up
in a nice, big bow.

HAVEN
Ooh.
You are GOOD.

EXT. TRAILER PARK - MOMENTS LATER
Jett sits behind the wheel
of an old Ford pickup truck,
playing with the wires
under the steering wheel column.

They SPARK.
The engine ROARS to life.

JETT
Like riding a bicycle.

The barrel of a
SAWED-OFF SHOTGUN
is placed against Jett’s temple.

A GIANT REDNECK
leans into the window.
Sneers.

GIANT REDNECK
What the fuck do you
think YOU’RE DOING?
Get the fuck outta MY TRUCK.

JETT
Easy now.

Jett opens the door.
Slides out.
Starts to raise her hands --

GIANT REDNECK
What I don’t get is why
you’d wanna steal
this piece-a crap.

And WHIPS OUT her REVOLVER.
JAMS it in his crotch.

JETT
We’re swapping rides, big fella.
Gotta problem with that?
(CLICK)
See that Cadillac over there?

The redneck looks at the Caddy.

GIANT REDNECK
You wanna trade my
truck for the CADDY?
Are you fuckin’ CRAZY?

JETT
Something like that.
(nods)
Go ahead, check ‘er out.
Keys are in the ignition.

Redneck breaks into a big
‘ol rotten-toothed grin.

GIANT REDNECK
Take your piece outta my pants,
and you got yourself a deal --

The Fugitive Kind

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 39 of THE DISH, Haven and Jett hear on the car radio that a warrant has been issued for their arrest for the murder of Haven's husband Dart, so they high-tail it down the coast and look for a place to hole up ...


INT. HAVEN’S CADILLAC - MOVING - DUSK
Coltrane’s I’M OLD FASHIONED
bops on the car stereo.

Haven drives.
Jett looks out the window,
lost in thought.

JETT
(reading a sign)
We’ll be in Long Beach soon.

The song ends.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
That was John Coltrane,
and I’m Old Fashioned.
Guess I’m kinda old fashioned, too --
(beat)
I was just handed a special bulletin
from our news department.
Police have issued arrest warrants
for Haven Crayce and Jett Targo
in connection with
three murders in Marina Del Rey.
Both women are in their mid-twenties,
and were last seen in a
red 1968 Cadillac convertible.
If you see these women,
please contact your local
police precinct immediately.
(beat)
Well, now, if I was a
fugitive from the law,
I can’t think of a better ride
than a classic Caddy.
This next one’s dedicated to you.
A little Miles. SO WHAT.

Miles Davis’ trumpet mourns softly.

JETT
Pull off the road at the next exit.

HAVEN
Why?

JETT
Because we gotta get a NEW CAR.

HAVEN
We’re gonna buy a new car?

JETT
Hell, no -- we’re gonna STEAL ONE.

A SIGN READS
Seal Beach. 15 miles.

JETT (O.C.)
Turn here. This is perfect.

EXT. MAIN STREET - SUNSET
They drive toward the beach,
a gorgeous sunset ahead of them
in the sky above the ocean.

JETT
I haven’t been here in years.

HAVEN
You’ve been here before?

JETT
Yeah, a lifetime ago.
(beat)
Turn right here.
I got an idea --

The Silence Of The Clams

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 38 of THE DISH, homicide detective Cal Seely searches Haven's houseboat looking for clues. Meanwhile, Jett and Haven make their escape in a giant, vintage Cadillac ...


EXT. THE SAFE HAVEN - REAR DECK - DUSK
Cal stands at the rear door.
KNOCK-KNOCKS loudly.

CAL
Mrs. Crayce. It’s Detective Seely.
(KNOCKS again)
Haven Crayce, Detective Seely.
I have a search warrant.

He peers in the window. Sighs.
Pulls a pick out of his pockets.
Works it. The knob CLICKS.

INT. THE SAVE HAVEN - CONTINUOUS
Cal walks around, looking.
Touching surfaces. Inspecting.

CAL
(to himself)
Nola Bliss could have walked
in on them, surprised them.

Cal walks over to the bar.
Picks up a glass. Squints at it.

CAL
Real crystal.

He walks over to the case
with the Oscar in it.
Sees a cracked glass panel.

CAL
She walked in on them --
(leans down)
While they were --
(sees something)
BLOOD.

Cal straightens up.
Massages the small of his back.

CAL
It’s right out of one of his movies.
They were in the process
of killing Dart Crayce --
they had to shut her up.
(beat)
So who the fuck is Rush Madder?

His cell phone RINGS.
He fishes it out. Listens.

CAL
Seely.
(listens)
One of Targo’s clients?
(listens)
In the meat freezer?
(listens)
Yeah, someone would have to be
pretty fucking strong to do THAT.

EXT. JETT’S APARTMENT BUILDING - DRIVEWAY - DUSK
Some sleazy 60’s go-go classic
on the car stereo.

Haven sits behind the wheel.
Jett tosses a suitcase in the back seat.
JUMPS IN. Haven beams. Excited.

HAVEN
Hey, baby.

JETT
Hey, yourself.

HAVEN
Let’s blow this popsicle stick.

JETT
(laughs)
Popsicle stand. You are too cute.

Haven pulls out of the driveway.
GUNS the engine.

HAVEN
I’m a hell of a lot
more than CUTE, doll.
And don’t you forget it.
(cocks an eyebrow)
You ready to go all the way?
Do whatever it takes?

JETT
It’s just you and me baby,
together forever, right down the line.
(beat)
Whatever it takes.

Haven puts her hand on Jett’s.

HAVEN
I’ve been going nuts without you.

Slides it up toward
the hem of her miniskirt.

Caressing her milky white thigh.
Trembling with tactile pleasure.

HAVEN
I can’t stop thinking about
what it’s gonna be like
when we’re finally alone together.

Jett reaches up, up, up --

HAVEN
I’ve missed your touch --

Jett finds the prize.
Magic fingers do their work.

HAVEN
OMIGOD --

And she SCREAMS with pleasure.
JERKS the steering wheel.

The car FISHTAILS on the pavement.
Jett GRABS the wheel.
Keeps working her special gift.

HAVEN
I’m gonna --
(beat)
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And, as she reaches an
earth-shattering crescendo,
CAMERA pulls back,
swings out the rear window,
where we see --

A CAR
following them.
A beat-up, old Dodge Dart Swinger.

BEHIND THE WHEEL
is RUSH. Grim. Determined.

RUSH
Think you can kill me
that easily, BITCH?

Hit And Run Holiday

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 37 of THE DISH, after Haven cleans out her dead husband's bank account, she picks up Jett so they can make their getaway ...


INT./EXT. VINTAGE CADILLAC CONVERTIBLE - DUSK
A ‘68 model in candy apple red
with a black leather interior.

The kind I’ll be able to afford
when I sell this screenplay.

Haven drives up Via Marina
with the top down in shades
and a big scarf,
the wind WHIPPING her hair.
She talks on her cell.

HAVEN
Calm down, calm down.
They don’t have anything.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. JETT’S APARTMENT BUILDING - ROOF DECK - CONTINUOUS
Jett paces, sips from a bottle of beer.
Talks on her cell.

JETT
But they towed his CAR.
They found -- her.

HAVEN
But he’s -- gone.

JETT
I know, I know, it’s just --
he knows something.
I can feel it.
(beat)
We gotta get the
fuck out of Dodge.
What happened at the
reading of the will?

HAVEN
It’s all mine, baby.
Lock, stock and two smokin’ million.

JETT
And the cash?

HAVEN
I just left the bank.
(smiles)
Got eight-hundred thousand
under the hood.
That’s what I call 'horsepower.'

JETT
You took out ALL of it?
Didn’t we agree it would be
a good idea to leave --

HAVEN
Change of plan, baby.
I closed the account.
Told them I was leaving the country.
Needed to start over, a new life.

JETT
Leaving the country?

HAVEN
We’re going to Mexico.
Find a place on the beach
where it’s warm all the time
and it’s running hot
and cold Margaritas.

JETT
(looks)
I see your car.
I’ll be right down.

She pulls out a snifter.
HONKS up a bump. Grimaces.

JETT
(to herself)
Guess it’s time for a
hit and run holiday.

Death In Venice

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 36 of THE DISH, adulterous killer Jett Targo gets grilled by homicide detective Cal Seely about the death of little person Nola Bliss ...


INT. JETT’S APARTMENT - DAY
Cal Seely stands in the doorway.
Jett holds open the door.

CAL
Jett Targo?

JETT
Uh-huh.

CAL
Cal Seely, Sheriff’s office, homicide.
I’d like to come in and
ask you a few questions.
(beat)
If you don’t mind.

JETT
No, no -- not at all.
Come in.

He lumbers into the
large studio apartment.

CAL
Thanks.
(looks around)
Nice and airy.
Must cost a fortune,
being right on the canal.

JETT
(bad fake laugh)
You’re not kidding.
(beat)
Can I get you anything -- some water?

CAL
No, thanks.
I’m fine.

Jett sits on the couch.
Smiles hopefully.

JETT
Have a seat.

CAL
No can do.
Back is in spasm.
If I sit, I might not
be able to get up again.
(strange laugh)
And I’m sure you don’t want
a dick stuck in your house.

JETT
Uh, no --

CAL
Did you know a woman
by the name of -- Nola Bliss?

JETT
She’s, uh -- the neighbor
of one of my clients, Haven Crayce.

CAL
Was the neighbor.

JETT
Was?
You mean something --
happened to her?

CAL
Nothing happened to her.
She was murdered.
We found her body in the
trunk of a car that was towed --
(pulls out a notebook)
Belonging to a man by
the name of Rush Madder,
from Long Beach.
(beat)
You know him?

JETT
No, sorry.
Never heard of him.

CAL
Funny.
The car was parked right
down the street from here.

JETT
Huh.
(beat)
Small world.

CAL
Where were you on
the night of the 25th?

JETT
Uh -- that was Tuesday, right?
(off his nod)
I was home, watching a movie.

CAL
What movie?

JETT
A Dish Best Killed.

CAL
How ironic.

JETT
Ironic?

Pause.

CAL
Thanks for your time.
(gives her his card)
Here’s my number.
Give me a call if you
remember anything.
(beat)
And please don’t leave town.
I might have some more --
questions for you.

PUSH IN ON Jett. Nodding.
Faking nonchalance. Badly.

Inherit The Wind

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 35 of THE DISH, murderous B-movie starlet Haven Crayce attends the reading of her husband Dart's will ... and gets accosted by his vicious ex-wife, enraged that Haven is the sole beneficiary ...


EXT. OCEAN FRONT DRIVE - MORNING
A POLICE IMPOUND VEHICLE
is parked behind Rush’s VW bug,
clamped to its towing winch.

The DRIVER starts the truck,
and slowly pulls away, to reveal --

On the windshield,
a mass of PARKING TICKETS.

INT. LAW FIRM - CONFERENCE ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Haven sits alone at the end of a
long, long conference table.

At the other end are a trio of
STONE-FACED ATTORNEYS.

Also at the table are
Dart’s FIRST WIFE (80’s),
a haggard-looking vulture of a woman.
Beady eyes flickering.

Needless to say,
the air is thick with anticipation.

Haven picks up a cut-glass
goblet of water. Takes a tiny sip.

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
(reading from the will)
-- and I bequeath my entire estate
to my second wife, Haven.

Haven blinks rapidly.
The slightest trace of a smile cracks.

Nasty First Wife BANGS
the table with her fist.

NASTY FIRST WIFE
That’s NOT FAIR.
I was with him for FIFTY YEARS.
I was there when we was STARVING.

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
Quiet, please.

NASTY FIRST WIFE
(stands, SLAPS the table)
NO! I will NOT be QUIET!
There must be some MISTAKE!
(points)
There’s no way in HELL
he left all his money to that WHORE!

Haven stares at her.
Blank-faced.

OILY ATTORNEY
Please, Ma’am.
I don’t want have to call security.

Nasty PULLS OUT her chair.
RACES over to Haven.

Oily picks up the phone.
Speaks softly into it.
Nods. Hangs up.

NASTY FIRST WIFE
(gets in Haven’s face)
HARLOT. SLUT.
You just married him for his MONEY.

HAVEN
Get the fuck out of my face,
you old bag.

NASTY FIRST WIFE
(spits on Haven’s face)
Fucking CUNT.

Haven JUMPS UP.
SMACKS Nasty on the face, HARD.

A pair of BEEFY SECURITY GUARDS
race in. GRAB her.

NASTY FIRST WIFE
Let GO OF ME.
You CAN’T DO THIS.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD
I’m afraid you’re going
to have to come with us.

The guards drag her out,
KICKING and SCREAMING.

Haven takes out a handkerchief.
wipes her face.

HAVEN
I’m sorry for that --
outburst a moment ago.
I, I -- lost my temper.

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
I think you showed
remarkable restraint.

OILY ATTORNEY
Indeed. I thought you were
going to deck the bitch.

PUSH IN ON Haven.
The barest hint of a smile.

HAVEN
I can’t imagine what
he ever saw in her --

Flight Plan

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 34 of THE DISH, homicide detective Cal Seely and Dr. Bing ring the doorbell at Haven's houseboat with a view to talking to her about her husband's death. Meanwhile, Haven hides inside, wishing they'd go away ...


EXT. MARINA SLIP - HOUSEBOAT - NIGHT
All lights out on the Safe Haven.
The boat looks ominous. Spooky.
Slowly bobbing in the water.

Cal Seely and Dr. Bing stand on the dock.
Looking at it.

CAL
Thanks for coming on such short notice.

DR. BING
Sure, sure -- but she’s not home.

Cal squints at the boat.
Chews on his unlit cigar.

CAL
She could be asleep.

DR. BING
Then why bother her now?

CAL
Element of surprise.

DR. BING
So -- you suspect her?

CAL
Insulin pump didn’t malfunction.
(puffs)
Battery was dead.

DR. BING
But she said she changed --

CAL
Exactly.

INT. THE SAFE HAVEN - MASTER BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Haven kneels in front of the window.
Slowly pulls back the curtain a tiny bit.
Peers out.

HAVEN
(sees them outside)
Shit. Fuck. Goddammit.

She goes to the mini bar.
Pours a stiff one.

Grabs a prescription bottle.
Shakes out a couple pills.

Gulps them down.
Chases it with a slug of her drink.

She pulls out her cell phone.
PUNCHES a number. Listens.

HAVEN
Hey, it’s me.
(listens)
It’s done?

The doorbell RINGS.

HAVEN
Shit --
(listens)
It’s fucking Dr. Bing
and that fat fucking cop --
(listens)
All the lights are off --
(listens)
No, it’s too dangerous.
Who knows how long
they’ll be out there.
Just sit tight.
I’ll call you tomorrow
after I go to the bank.

The doorbell RINGS again.

HAVEN
I’ll gonna have a bubble bath,
listen to my Ipod.
If they come in, I’ll say
I couldn’t hear the doorbell
with the music on.
(listens)
Yeah. We’re almost there.
(listens)
Me too, baby.
Straight down the line.

PUSH IN on Haven.
Eyes burning with fire.