Take The Money And Run

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 21 of BABY HEISTER, Doc, Kelsey, Dusty and Simon go on the road to scope out the scene of the future crime at the diner ...


INT. SIMON’S SUV - NIGHT
Simon sits behind the wheel.
Doc rides shotgun.

The rest sit in the back.
Simon starts the car.

DUSTY
So what do you think?

DOC
I don’t like it.
The dame’s a wild card.
Just the type that might just
try to pull a cross.

RENO
I was thinking the same thing.
But if we’re one step ahead of her --

DOC
I’ve got half a mind to drive over there
right now and check it out.
Get it over with.

SIMON
Well, it IS cooler
in the desert at night.

DOC
(turns around)
All in favor?

Everyone SHOOTS their hands up.
Kelsey’s eyes light up.

KELSEY
Road trip.

EXT. DESERT FREEWAY - NIGHT
The SUV drives into the night
among sparse traffic.

BEHIND THEM
We see that RAY’S CAR is tailing them.

INT. RAY’S CAR - NIGHT
The classic rock of
The Steve Miller Band’s
TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN
plays on the radio.

Ray takes a sip from a flask.

RAY
(sings along)
Billy Joe shot a man
while robbing his castle,
Bobbie Sue took the money and run --

INT. SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Simon drives.
Everyone looks pensive.
And a bit tired.

SIMON
We need gas.

RENO
I could go for some coffee.

KELSEY
I gotta pee.

DOC
There’s a gas station
coming up in a little bit.

DUSTY
(looks at Kelsey)
So you gotta boyfriend?

Kelsey’s head JERKS. She turns.
Looks out the window.

DOC
Leave her personal life out of it.
She’s just another heister.

DUSTY
Sorry. Just makin’ conversation.

DOC
An eighteen-year-old woman’s love life
is NOT an appropriate topic of
conversation on a job. Got it?

DUSTY
Okay, okay --

EXT. GAS STATION / CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT
Simon fills the tank.
Kelsey comes out of the ladies’ room.

Doc walks up to her
with a pair of coffees.
Hands her one.

KELSEY
Thanks.

DOC
So how you holdin’ up?

KELSEY
(sips her coffee, shrugs)
Okay.

DOC
This part’s not so exciting,
I know.

Kelsey opens her mouth to speak.
Then stops. Then --

KELSEY
This is gonna sound lame --

DOC
What?

KELSEY
(big smile)
This is like the family vacation
I never had --

Half-Cocked

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 20 of BABY HEISTER, Kesley and Doc meet with Freddie Fingers about his armored car heist ... and the 'inside man,' Tillie Sackler, a diner waitress, who turns out to a complete nightmare ...


EXT. DAIRY SHACK - NIGHT
Crickets CHIRP off somewhere
in the night air.
It’s still hot out.

The gang sits around a big picnic table
off to the side of the restaurant
eating ice cream.

NERVOUS GUY
It’s a piece a cake, I tell ya.

Meet FREDDIE FINGERS (50’s), small, squirrelly.
Pockmarked face. Jug-like ears.

Wearing a suit that was cool in the 70’s.
Blinking rapidly. Rocking back and forth in his seat.

BITCHY WOMAN
Who are all the extra people?
You said it was a four-man job.

Meet TILLY SACKLER (40’s).
Once a near-beauty,
now a human cosmetics counter.

Dressed like a teenager in leggings
and top a bit too small.
Newport dangling on frosted pink lips.

DOC
The name’s Doc. I’m organizing the job.
(nods at Kelsey)
This here’s Kelsey. My granddaughter.
She’s learning the ropes.
You don’t need to worry about her.

TILLY
(to Freddie)
What the fuck? It’s OUR job --

FREDDIE
Calm down, Tilly.
Doc’s the best in the business.
He’s helping us out.
(nods at the others)
The other guys won’t do it
unless he gives the okay. Got it?

TILLY
But what about the fucking GIRL?

DOC
(stands up)
See ya later, Freddie.

FREDDIE
No, wait, wait.
(to Tilly)
Tilly, you’re gonna fuck this up.
The girl is with him.
Chill out, okay?

TILLY
I don’t like it.
This ain’t kindergarten.

DOC
(to the rest)
Told you it was no good.
C’mon, let’s go.

The others start to get up.

FREDDIE
WAIT. WAIT.
(to Tilly)
Tilly, GODDAMMIT.
they go, there’s NO JOB. Got it?
There’s NO FUCKING JOB.
(off her stare)
You wanna work at a joint
called EAT the rest of your life?
(off her silence)
Well, DO you?

Pause.

TILLY
Sit down.

Doc looks at the others.
They shrug. Nod. Sit back down.

FREDDIE
Okay, okay.
(to Doc)
So what’s the first step?

DOC
I need to scope out the joint.
Figure out what we need.

FREDDIE
Do you have any idea yet
how you’re gonna do it?

DOC
I didn’t say we were gonna do it yet.
Like I said, I gotta check it out.
If it looks bad, we walk. No promises.

FREDDIE
But it’s a good one, Doc.
A real good one.

DOC
We’re professionals, Freddie.
That might not be a concept
you’re familiar with,
but professionals don’t
go off half-cocked.
They plan a job down
to the most minor detail.
That’s the reason
I’ve never been busted. Capiche?

FREDDIE
Yeah, sure, Doc. Sure.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

DOC
Good. We’ll swing by the diner tomorrow.

He pulls a notepad out of his pocket.
Slides it over.

DOC
I’ll need directions.
FREDDIE
(nods, starts writing)
What time?

DOC
It’s best if you don’t know.
I’ll call you afterwards.
If it looks good, we
schedule another meeting.

TILLY
What do you mean IF it looks good?
It’s a piece of cake.

DOC
Knocking over an armored car is
NEVER a piece of cake.
If it WAS, you wouldn’t need US.

TILLY
I don’t think I like your tone.

DOC
Freddie, if you don’t shut
this skank up, I WILL.

TILLY
HEY --

FREDDIE
Tilly. Please.
You’re gonna fuck up the job,
and then we ain’t got nothin.’

TILLY
Alright, alright. Keep your shirt on.
(to Doc)
Have to respect your elders.

DOC
You wouldn’t know respect if it
bit you on the cellulite --

The Big Bounce

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of BABY HEISTER, after listening to the gang plan the armored car job, Kelsey gets 'up close and personal' with wheelman Simon Jones ...


INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Kelsey and Doc lean against
the counter with fresh beers.

DOC
So what do you think?

KELSEY
Are you kidding?
It’s fucking cool.

DOC
I could tell by
the look on your face.
Soaking it all in.
(off her smile)
What part do you see
yourself in the game?
Muscle? Jugger? Driver?

KELSEY
I wanna do what you do.
Plan jobs. Be the boss.

DOC
You take after Chelle.

KELSEY
I thought Griff planned the jobs.

DOC
Oh, he thought he did.
(beat)
Cause Chelle let him.

Kelsey nods thoughtfully.
Sips her beer.

DOC
You sure you still wanna do this?
Once you’re in, there’s no going back.

KELSEY
I’ve never been more sure
of anything in my life.

Doc raises his bottle in a toast.
Kelsey raises hers --

DOC
Home is where the heist is.

And they CLINK.

EXT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT
Kelsey sits out on the porch swing.
Smoking. Slowly rocking back and forth.

Looking at the night sky. Thinking.
Simon comes out. Lights one up. Looks at her.

SIMON
Hey.

KELSEY
Hey.

SIMON
Mind if I join you?

KELSEY
It’s a free country.

He walks over.
Sits next to her.

SIMON
So why do you wanna be a heister?
Good-looking bird like you?
You could have anything you wanted.

KELSEY
You’re a smart guy.
See if you can figure it out.

SIMON
Your parents?

KELSEY
He shoots, he scores.

SIMON
My father drove a lorry.

KELSEY
What’s a lorry?

SIMON
A truck.
Didn’t fancy doing that.

KELSEY
What made you come here?

SIMON
I heard the streets were
paved with beautiful girls --

Chump Change

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey's all ears when she gets a front row seat to Doc and his gang planning their armored car heist ...


INT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
The gang sits around the living room
on couches and chairs
drinking bottles of beer.

Except for Jo, having coffee.
Kelsey looks around the room.
Trying to hide her excitement.

DOC
So tell me about the job.

DUSTY
Armored car heist. Palm Springs.

RENO
Real sweet.

SIMON
Fat and juicy.

DOC
Who’s the point person?

DUSTY
You remember Freddie Fingers?

DOC
Unfortunately. But I thought he
retired after that dust-up in Reno.

DUSTY
So did he. But he recently
shacked up with this waitress --

DOC
Don’t tell me. Some roadside diner?

DUSTY
Yeah. The job is her idea.
But it’s a good one. It can work.

DOC
I don’t like it.
(looks at Kelsey)
Freddie’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
And fucking the inside man tends
to cloud your judgment.
(looks at Dusty)
Tell me about the hash-slinger.

DUSTY
What’s there to tell? She’s a waitress.
Tired of serving tuna melts to truckers
for chump change.

DOC
Tell me about the can. What’s the gag?

DUSTY
It comes by once a week, same time exactly.
Always parks in the same place.
Three guards take turns going to the head.
Last one grabs coffees to go. Then they split.

DOC
How long are they there?

DUSTY
Fifteen minutes, give or take.
And they always park in the same spot.
Always. Like fucking clockwork.

DOC
How much dough?

DUSTY
This is the beauty part.
Every Friday, they transfer
cash to all the local branches
from the main bank --

RENO
You know, payday.

DOC
So it’s alot of cabbage.

RENO
Waitress says it’s gotta be
at least a million.

DOC
What time?

DUSTY
Seven-AM.

DOC
Still not sure I like it.
I wanna meet the soup jockey.

DUSTY
We’re one step ahead of you.
Already set it up.

DOC
Okay.
(looks at Kelsey)
You never meet the people
setting up a job WHERE the job is.
You don’t want the locals
to remember seeing you.

KELSEY
Got it.

DOC
(to Dusty)
Escape route or hole up?

DUSTY
Not sure. We’ll defer to your expertise.
Outlying area is kinda open.
The desert interstate kinda narrows your options.

DOC
Gotcha.
(to Kelsey)
There are three ways to finish a job.
First is you grab the loot and
take a pre-arranged escape route that’s cool.
(beat)
Second is you hole up somewhere
until the heat dies down,
then split up the loot
and go your separate ways.

KELSEY
What’s the third?

DOC
Hide the loot, split, then
come back for it later.
Kinda tricky, but it’s good
when there’s not a good escape route
and no place to hole up.

Doc sips his beer. Eyes the men.

DOC
Who’s financing?

DUSTY
I am.

DOC
YOU are.

DUSTY
I need the job, Doc.
Had a bad run in Atlantic City.

DOC
(to Kelsey)
Every job has expenses. Transportation.
Weapons. Food and lodging.
And sometimes you need tech stuff,
explosives, whatnot.
(beat)
Usually you get an outside
financier to put up the dough.
They either get double it back, or a percentage.
That’s the way I like to do it.
That way, nobody has more
at stake than the others.
(looks at Dusty)
But some people aren’t good at
managing their money between jobs.
(to Dusty)
You asking ace shares?

DUSTY
Nah. Even split all around. Four shares.

DOC
You ARE desperate.

KELSEY
Ace shares means more money --

DOC
Yeah.
(to Reno)
What’s your situation?

RENO
I’m cool. Gone through about
half the scratch from my last job.
Don’t like my reserves to get below that --
(shrugs)
It’s a good job, Doc. You’ll see.

DOC
(nods at Simon)
And you two vouch for Jason Statham here?

DUSTY
Yeah. We’ve both worked with him.
Best wheelman I’ve ever seen.

RENO
Precision driver.

DOC
(to Simon)
Where’d you learn to drive so well?

DUSTY
Don’t you follow NASCAR?
Kid’s been in the country six months.
Already won five races.

SIMON
You make me blush.

Doc nods slowly. Sips his beer. Eyes them.

DOC
When do we meet Freddie Fingers
and Truck Stop Sally?

DUSTY
In a couple hours.
Told ‘em to meet us at the Dairy Shack.
We can sit outside. Have some privacy.

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face. Excited.

KELSEY
And ice cream --

One Lucky Frill

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey sits down to eat breakfast with Doc's gang of bank robbers to get an insider's view of the 'trade' ...


INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Everyone sits around the table chowing down.
Kelsey keeps sneaking glances at Simon.

Smitten, but hiding it.
Sort of.

DOC
Kelsey here is learning
how to be a heister.

RENO
And YOU’RE teaching her?
(to Kelsey)
He’s the master.
You’re one lucky frill.

KELSEY
What’s a frill?

JO
Dame. Doll.

DOC
Broad. Bim.

RENO
Chippy. Chick.

DUSTY
Frail. Floozy.

SIMON
Twist. Tomato.

Kelsey BURSTS into laughter.

KELSEY
'Tomato?'

SIMON
We have our own patois,
like any other subculture.

DUSTY
(to Doc)
So -- is it okay to
talk about the job --
with her at the table?

DOC
Yep.
In fact, I’d like her
to be in on the job.

DUSTY
I’m not sure that’s such a --

DOC
I know what you’re thinking,
but hear me out.
She’s my kin.
We can trust her.

RENO
That’s true, but --

DOC
Think of it as
on-the-job training.
I’d like her to observe
every aspect of planning the heist --
she just won’t DO the heist.

DUSTY
Highly unusual.

RENO
Well, if she’s not
doing the job,
what could it hurt?

SIMON
He’s got a point.
(winks at Kelsey)
Be kinda fun to teach
a baby heister.

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face.
Blushing a deep red.

KELSEY
Baby heister?

There's No Such Thing As A Free Meal

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey finishes her heister training workout in the morning and sits down to a big breakfast, only to discover that Doc has invited some guests to join them ... his bank-robbing crew ...


INT. BARN - DAY - IN MONTAGE
Kelsey does a series of exercises.
Jumping rope. Push ups. Pull ups.
Jumping Jacks. Climbing a rope. Boxing.

Doc holds the punching bag as Kelsey
SLAMS IT with boxing gloves.
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.

She’s drenched in sweat. Looks fierce.
Like a warrior. Doc BLOWS a whistle.

DOC
That’s enough for now.
Don’t wanna kill you.
(beat)
Yet.

Kelsey nods. Out of breath.
Doc checks his watch.

DOC
Let’s go get some supper.
Get somethin’ in yer belly.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
A big spread has been
laid out on the table.

Burgers. Fried chicken. Pasta salad.
Mashed potatoes. The works.

Eves have been added to the table
so that more people can sit.

Jo is finishing setting
place settings for six people.

Doc and Kelsey walk in,
see the culinary explosion.

DOC
A meal fit for a king.

KELSEY
Why the extra chairs?

DOC
We’re expecting company. Sit. Dig in.

Kelsey sits. Grabs a chicken leg.
Starts chewing. Starving.

KELSEY
What kind of company?

DOC
Surprise.

The doorbell RINGS.
Jo starts for the door.

JO
I’ll get it. Sit.

Doc nods. Takes a chair.
Starts filling his plate.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - FRONT DOOR - DAY
Jo opens the front door.
Revealing three HEISTERS, grinning.

RENO BLACK (30’s) a stocky fireplug
of gruffness nods.

RENO
We’re here for the free meal.

DUSTY VEGA (40’s), dark and slick,
a poor man’s Al Pacino nudges him.
Chewing on a toothpick.

DUSTY
You know Reno.
If food were the food of love,
he’d eat on.

SIMON LEEDS (20’s), tall and thin,
the rockabilly version of Jonathan Rhys-Meyers
shakes his head with mock-embarrassment.

SIMON
Please pardon the lowlife criminal element.
I’m embarrassed to be seen in their company,
but I’m afraid I have bills to pay.

JO
(charmed)
I don’t think we’ve met --

Simon takes her hand. Kisses it.

SIMON
Simon Leeds, at your service --

Just Like In The Movies

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of BABY HEISTER, Doc teaches Kelsey one of the most important skills necessary to rob banks ... how to shoot a gun.


EXT. RANCH - FIELD - DAY
Kelsey and Doc stand about
fifty feet away from a wooden fence.

A row of empty beer bottles
has been placed on top of it.

Kelsey holds a Glock
in her right hand. Takes aim.

DOC
Move your feet.
They should be shoulder-width apart.

KELSEY
Okay --

She makes the adjustment.

DOC
Now put your right foot
out a little bit.
(off her look)
You’re right-handed.

Kelsey nods. Moves it.

DOC
When you take aim, close
your left eye a little bit.

KELSEY
Okay.

DOC
And make sure your arm
is almost completely straight.
(watches her do it)
Now lean forward a little bit.

She does. Doc nods.

DOC
Let ‘er rip.

Kelsey FIRES, BANG. The bullet
goes WHIZZING above the bottle. THWIP.

It FLIES through foliage
behind the fence.

The recoil makes her JUMP.
She rubs her wrist.

KELSEY
Ow.

DOC
Got quite a kick, huh?
Better use a two-handed grip
until you get used to it.

Kelsey puts her left hand
around her right. Grips it tightly.

DOC
That’s right.
like in the movies.
(watches)
Make sure both thumbs
point forward.
(beat)
Yeah. Like that.
And hold it tight.

She takes aim. FIRES. BANG.
The bullet WHIZZES into the air.

KELSEY
Damn.

DOC
Relax. Take a deep breath.
Don’t pull the trigger. Squeeze it.
Think of it like an extension
of your hand.
Squeeze it so slowly that
you’re surprised when it goes off.
(off her nod)
Take your time. Deep breath.

Kelsey takes a deep breath. Exhales.
Aims at a bottle. FIRES. BANG.

It HITS the fence. PING.
Wood FLIES OFF.

KELSEY
SHIT.

DOC
No, you’re doin’ good --
(beat)
Make sure the front sight is
aligned in the notch of the back sight --
so that the top of the front is level
with the top of the back. Got it?
(off her nod)
Now focus on the front sight
and aim at the target.

Kelsey concentrates.
Moves the gun slightly.

DOC
Take a deep breath --
and when you exhale, squeeze.

She takes a bead on a bottle.
Her body relaxes.

Takes a deep breath -- and FIRES. BANG.
The bottle EXPLODES. Glass goes FLYING.

KELSEY
God-DAMMIT.

DOC
How do you feel?

KELSEY
Like coming home.

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
A black SUV is parked on the shoulder.

INT. SUV - DAY
Seated behind the wheel is Ray Stark.
Looking through a pair of binoculars.
He puts them down. Smiles.

RAY
Looks like the little girl can shoot --