Sponge Bath And A Movie

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of THE DISH, we meet Haven's invalid husband Dart, a retired film noir director, now a bedridden nasty piece of work. After Haven tends to his needs, she goes back downstairs to where Jett is waiting for her with baited breath ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY
A large room which takes up
the entire third floor.

Hospital bed faces
a giant movie screen.
Shades drawn.

Dimly lit by a
single bedside lamp.

We see movie memorabilia
in the shadows.

In bed lies DART CRAYCE (88).
Skeletal. White-haired, gimlet-eyed.
Sunken, ruined skin.

Right now he’s hooked up
to a dialysis machine,
hoses like tentacles.
The machine HUMS.

DART
What took you so long?

HAVEN
What are you talking about?
I came right away.

DART
I heard voices.
Who’s down there?

HAVEN
Someone I met walking Buster.
She wanted to see the boat.

DART
A woman --

HAVEN
Of course, silly.
You’re the only man for me.

DART
Bring me a diet Vernor’s.
And it’s time to set up
the picture for tonight.

HAVEN
Right away.
I’ll be back in two shakes
of a -- of a --

DART
LAMB’S TAIL.
And tell your guest to leave.
You need to set up the projector.

HAVEN
Sure thing.

She turns, leaves.

ON THE STAIRS

HAVEN
(to herself)
Nasty old fuck.

IN THE GALLEY
Jett is looking at a framed picture
of Dart with Humphrey Bogart
and Barbara Stanwyck.
Smiles all around.

HAVEN (O.C.)
That was taken on the set of
Blood Gets In Your Eyes.

JETT
I know.
It’s one of my favorite films.
Barbara Stanwyck’s first time with Bogie.

HAVEN
You’re a personal trainer, right?

JETT
Yeah. How did you know?

HAVEN
I’ve seen you training people
on the beach.
(beat)
I’m all seeing and all knowing.

Pause.

JETT
Do you want me to -- train you?

HAVEN
I need -- training.
(beat)
Shall we make it tomorrow morning,
say around ten?

JETT
I think I can squeeze you in.

HAVEN
It’s a date.
(kisses Jett on the cheek)
Thanks for coming by.
I’ve gotta go take care of hubby now.
Sponge bath and a movie.

PUSH IN ON Jett.
About to explode.

JETT
Sounds like -- fun.

Blood Gets In Your Eyes

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of THE DISH, things get more than a little hot and heavy when B-movie starlet Haven Crayce gives personal trainer Jett Targo a tour of her houseboat ...


EXT. MARINA - DOCK - DAY
Haven and Jett stand on the dock.
Looking at the SAFE HAVEN.

JETT
You live on it?
Year round?

HAVEN
Unfortunately.

JETT
I’d love to live on a boat like this.

HAVEN
Would you like a tour?

PUSH IN ON Jett. Nervous.
Approaching excited.

JETT
Sure.

INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - MOMENTS LATER
Haven leads Jett into a living room
area with a galley.

Buster goes to the water bowl.
Tina sniffs around.

HAVEN
This is where we do
most of our entertaining.

JETT
We?

HAVEN
My husband and I.

JETT
Oh.

HAVEN
Don’t look so disappointed.
I married the old fuck
for his money, and for my career.

Haven walks over to Jett.
Gets close. Jett stares.
The chemistry is palpable. Electric.

HAVEN
You know Dart Crayce, the director?

JETT
Sure.
He directed all those
classic film noirs --
That Killing Feeling,
The Dead Don’t Cry,
Blood Gets In Your Eyes --

Haven takes Jett’s hands in hers.
A clock TICK-TICK-TICKS.

HAVEN
That’s him.
(beat)
And now he’s very old --
and very sick.

Haven closes her eyes.
Leans in for a kiss.

JETT
I don’t think --
this is a good --

But Haven’s warm,
soft mouth is too fast.

She kisses Jett.
It’s delicious.

The world stops for a moment.
We sigh.

A bell RING-RING-RINGS.
Haven JUMPS.

HAVEN
Shit.

JETT
What was that?

HAVEN
(angry, eyes flashing)
That’s him.
(beat)
The old bastard’s bed-ridden.
It’s a fucking nightmare.
He’s a diabetic fuck,
and I’m a prisoner on
the good ship insulin.
(come hither)
Stay here.
Be right back.

And she dashes off.

PUSH IN ON Jett.
Inflamed. Confused.

The Stuff Of Pinup Dreams

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Tuesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 1 of THE DISH, more than sparks fly at the LA marina when B-movie actress Haven Crayce and and recent Kansas-transplant personal trainer Jett Targo meet cute walking their dogs ...


EXT. MARINA - DUSK
A cool, crisp evening.
Magic hour tequila sunset
smears orange on blue water.

Wind whips through a line of
luxury sailboats gently bobbing.

A GULL flies by.
CAW-CAW-CAWS.

CAMERA finds a HOUSEBOAT.
Ghostly. Shades drawn.

Old and peeling. Dark wood.
Brass fixtures.

We see the vessel’s name
on the stern in cracked, gold cursive.

SAFE HAVEN, indeed.

A WOMAN (25) appears on the deck.
We GASP, as she is
heartbreakingly beautiful.

The kind that makes you
ache with longing.

A curvy cocktail
with mile-high legs.

Meet HAVEN CRAYCE.
Blonde, blue-eyed.
The stuff of pinup dreams.

Right now she’s in a killer
black cocktail dress
and five-inch heels.

Pulls a JACK RUSSELL TERRIER
on a leash.

HAVEN
(puts on shades)
Come on, Buster.

And the dog TAKES OFF like a rocket.
YANKS the leash, as Haven CAREENS
down the gangplank,
heels CLACK-CLACK-CLACKING.

HAVEN
Buster, GODAMMIT.

EXT. MARINA CHANNEL - PARK - AT THAT MOMENT
Another WOMAN (28) walks a small, black DOG.
Tall and lanky, like a jock.

Pretty in that clear-eyed Midwestern way.
Chestnut mane in a boyish bob.
Sweats, denim and leather.

Meet JETT TARGO.
Recent transplant from Kansas.

Buff, in shape, but there’s a
vague hint of wild Saturday nights.
Secret debaucheries.

She gives TINA a doggie treat.

JETT
Good girl.

They start ambling down the sidewalk.
Watching the boats in the channel.
It’s bucolic.

Then why does Jett look pensive?

HAVEN comes into view,
pulled by Buster. She stops.

Sees Jett.
Lowers her sunglasses.
Gets a better look.

Jett sees Haven.
Jerks to a stop.

If we could see up close,
we’d notice the hairs standing up
on the back of her neck.

HAVEN
Cute dog.
What is she?

JETT
She’s, uh -- a Cocker Spaniel-
King Charles mix.

My neighbor’s dog.
I walk her sometimes as a favor.

HAVEN
Buster’s a Jack Russell.
(rubs the dog’s head)
Aren’t you, Mister Man?
(offers her hand)
I’m Haven.
Haven Crayce.

JETT
(takes it, shakes)
Jett Targo.
This is Tina.
(beat)
Haven Crayce.
Sounds exotic.

HAVEN
Jett Targo.
Sounds athletic.
Which way are you walking?

JETT
(points)
That way.
We were -- going to
go look at the boats.

HAVEN
Great.
Me, too.

JETT
You like boats?

HAVEN
Not really.
(beat)
I live on one --

True Romance

Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In the final chapter of AFTERHOURS, the shit hits the fan when a SWAT teams invades the night club and takes no prisoners ... and when the smoke clears, a sole survivor remains ...


INT. AFTER HOURS CLUB - DAWN

MARKO
Tell you what I’ll do.
If you let me escort the officers
out of here, I’ll go ask my boss.

DANNY
Sorry. The officers stay.

Marko stares at him.
Then at the others. Thinking.

MARKO
I’ll just be a few minutes.

He leaves.

CASEY
Jesus Christ.
That guy’s fucking weird.

SKY
You think they’re gonna let us go?

BETTIE
Of course they are.
They’re not gonna shoot celebrities.

DANNY
I wouldn’t be too sure of that.

Suddenly we hear DRILLING from above.

CASEY
What the fuck’s THAT?

DANNY
They’re coming in.

LUTHER
Fuck this shit.
I’m getting the fuck OUTTA here.

He shoots Danny in the belly.
BANG. BANG. BANG.

Sky SHOOTS Luther in the chest,
BANG. BANG. BANG.

Luther slumps against the bar,
SLIDES off his stool,
HITS the floor, THWUMP.

DANNY
(holding his stomach)
Motherfucker that hurts.

Casey rushes over.
Tries to stop the bleeding with her hands.

CASEY
Shit, shit, shit --
(gasps)
GODAMMIT.

The drilling gets LOUDER.
A circular piece of the ceiling FALLS,
hits the floor, BANG.

Grey GAS starts BILLOWING
out from the hole.
Starts filling the room.

SKY
SHIT. What do we do?

BETTIE
They can’t DO this. We’re FAMOUS.

DANNY
Guess the joke’s on you.

MIA
I’ll go see if I can break
a window in the bathroom.

She RACES out of the room.
The smoke starts getting THICKER.

Everyone starts CHOKING.
Blood burbles out of Danny’s mouth.

DANNY
(to Casey)
They’re gonna be coming in any second.
Save yourself.

CASEY
No fucking way.
I’m not leaving you.

DANNY
You wanna fucking DIE?
You got your story. Go. NOW.

CASEY
But there’s NOWHERE TO GO.

DANNY
VIP room. Separate ventilation.
For cigars --

CASEY
But, but --

DANNY
GO.

Casey looks into his eyes.
Bites her lower lip.

CASEY
I don’t wanna leave you.

DANNY
That makes two us.

CASEY
What we had was -- nice, wasn’t it?

DANNY
It was True Romance, baby.
But you gotta go now.
(off her look)
Do it for me. Tell my story.

She gets up.
Wipes her nose with a bloody sleeve.

CASEY
I promise I’ll do you justice.

DANNY
(softly)
I know you will.
Now please, get the fuck outta here.

A tear trickles down her cheek.
She turns, RACES out of the room --
just as the door EXPLODES off it’s hinges.

Two dozen SWAT COMMANDOS wearing
full body armor and ventilators
STORM into the room
FIRING AUTOMATIC WEAPONS.

Sky and Bettie try to RUN,
but get CUT DOWN in their tracks.

Danny’s body gets SHREDDED with bullets,
his body JERKING around like a puppet.

LEAD COMMANDO
CLEAR.

They STORM toward the back.

INT. VIP ROOM - EARLY MORNING
Even plusher than the rest of the joint.
We see Tough-Looking Female Cop,
tied and gagged. Still out cold.

A pile of bodies in the corner.
Easy. Angel. Mickey. Vin. Harry. Pub. Ned.
And undereath them, Casey, eyes closed.

The door gets KICKED IN.
A pair of COMMANDOS RACE in.

See the carnage.
Pull off their masks. Walk over.

TALL COMMANDO
Holy shit.

BULKY COMMANDO
I think one of ‘em’s still alive.

A GIANT COMMANDO walks in.
Sees them. The bodies.

GIANT COMMANDO
We’re clear.
(sees the bodies)
Jesus fucking Christ.
And I thought the dead chick
in the bathroom was fucked.

Tall Commando bends down.
Feels Casey’s pulse.

She opens her eyes.
Looks at them.

TALL COMMANDO
Hold on miss, we’ll get you outta here.

BULKY COMMANDO
(to Tall)
Smart girl. Pretended she was dead.

TALL COMMANDO
(nods, to Casey)
Someday you’re gonna have a
great story to tell your grandchildren.

Casey stares at him a beat.
Her eyes flicker.

CASEY
Make a great movie, don’t you think?

Dog Day Afternoon

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 34 of AFTERHOURS, things take a surprising turn when Danny and the celebrities let a very strange hostage negotiator into the club ...


INT. AFTER HOURS CLUB - EARLY MORNING

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
Open the door RIGHT NOW,
OR WE’LL BREAK IT DOWN.

Danny races over to the door. SHOUTS.

DANNY
You might not want to do that.
I’ve got seven hostages.
Three celebrities, three cops
and a bartender.

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
Three celebrities and three COPS?

DANNY
That’s right. So I certainly hope
you’ve got one hell of a hostage negotiator.

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
He’s on his way. Who are the celebs?

DANNY
Sky Masters, Bettie Black and Casey Montana.

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
Who’s Casey Montana?
(to someone else)
Already?
(to Danny)
Negotiator’s here.
Get away from the door.
He’s coming in.

Danny unlocks the door.
Moves away from it. The door OPENS.

In walks MARKO MAISEL (50’s), medium-height,
buff, balding and fierce-looking.

Wearing a skin-tight black jumpsuit.
Red-tinted shades.

He smiles brightly,
eyes burning with menace.

MARKO
Did somebody order a hostage negotiator?
(off his look)
You’re the crazed gunman, I take it?

DANNY
I wouldn’t use the word ‘crazed.’

MARKO
Marko Maisel, LAPD, at your service.
(nods)
Wish I could say I was pleased to meet you,
but given the circumstances,
this being work-related and all --
(examines him)
But still, you look like
a fairly decent fellow.
No frothing at the mouth --

DANNY
Haven’t frothed in years.

MARKO
And you have a sense of humor.
That’s good. Might just save your life.
(beat)
Do you know how long I’ve
been a hostage negotiator?

DANNY
No, but I’ve got a funny feeling
you’re gonna tell me.

MARKO
Twenty-five years.

DANNY
That’s a lot of hostages.

MARKO
Do you know how many I’ve
lost in all those years?

DANNY
Let me guess. None?

MARKO
Smart lad. I like that. Smart.
(sighs)
If only you’d applied yourself
in a different field, who knows
what you could have accomplished.

DANNY
Guess we’ll never know.

Marko looks at everyone at the bar.
Sees their guns.

MARKO
I was told there were celebrities in here,
but I didn’t believe it.
(looks around)
This is a nightclulb, I take it.
Open kind of late -- or should I say early?

DANNY
After-hours club.

MARKO
(sees Biff)
There’s one officer --
(looks at Luther)
And there’s another one.
(looks at Danny)
Where’s the third?

DANNY
In the VIP room getting a table dance.

MARKO
I must say, that’s quite impressive.
You’ve kept three hostages at bay
and overpowered three cops all by yourself?

DANNY
When I came in, I had a partner.

MARKO
Where is he now?

DANNY
I’m afraid he’s no longer with us.

MARKO
But still, three cops. I’m impressed.

DANNY
Let’s just say I’m resourceful.

CASEY
He had some help.

BETTIE
We’re not hostages. He’s our friend.

SKY
He’s not a bad person
once you get to know him.

CASEY
He was upset.
The guy slept with his wife.
His partner was the one
that did all the shooting.

Marko stares at them.
Slowly nodding his head. Thinking.

DANNY
So what happens now?

MARKO
Well, this is the point where
I ask you to give yourself up
and come with me quietly,
tell you I’ll try to get you
the best deal I can --
(beat)
But somehow I don’t think
you’re gonna go for that.

DANNY
That would be correct.

MARKO
Then I assume you have demands?
You’d like transporation out of here?
Safe passage so you can
make your escape? Maybe a pizza?

DANNY
No thanks.
I’ve seen Dog Day Afternoon.
We’ve got our own tranporation.
Just want you to back off and let us split.

MARKO
I see.

MIA
They’re taking my car.

MARKO
You must be the bartender.
That’s very generous.
I assume you’re also generous
with your cocktails?

MIA
(half-smile)
Sometimes.

Pause.

MARKO
Tell you what I’ll do.
If you let me escort
the officers out of here,
I’ll go ask my boss.

DANNY
Sorry. The officers stay.

Marko stares at him.
Then at the others. Thinking.

MARKO
I’ll just be a few minutes.

He leaves.

CASEY
Jesus Christ. That guy’s fucking weird --

Cash And Carry

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 33 of AFTERHOURS, just as crazed gunman on the run Danny Peel starts to split the loot with would-be rogue cop Luther James, more cops arrive and start pounding on the door ...


INT. THE EXIT ROOM - MAIN LOUNGE - EARLY MORNING
Everybody sits around the bar.
Looks at the giant stack of cash
sitting on it.

CASEY
Isn’t it beautiful?

LUTHER
You underestimated.
Two-point-three million.
That means I get one-point-one-five.

DANNY
Check out the math major.

The police radio SQUAWKS to life.

POLICE DISPATCHER (O.C.)
Attention, all units.
The perp is holed up at Croci’s
boutique in Sunset Plaza,
one-five-oh-one Sunset.
All available units respond.

LUTHER
(under his breath)
Shit.
(into the radio)
Copy that.
We’re on our way.
Are units on the scene yet?

POLICE DISPATCHER (O.C.)
Roger that.

LUTHER
How’d they find him?

POLICE DISPATCHER (O.C.)
Homeless person found a ‘help’ note
in the window well outside.
Wanted to know if there was a reward.
(chuckles)
Maybe we should hire him.
Did a better job than our guys did.

LUTHER
Copy that. Over.

He clicks the radio off.

LUTHER
You’re fucked.

DANNY
So are you.

POUNDING on the door.

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
POLICE, OPEN UP.
WE KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE.

CASEY
Shit.

SKY
Fuck.

BETTIE
Motherfucker.

DANNY
Okay, everybody.
Calm down.
Let me think.

LUTHER
Think?
They’ve got the place surrounded.

DANNY
But I have hostages.

LUTHER
You got co-conspirators.

DANNY
But they don’t know that.
(smiles)
And I’ve got you.
Gimme your weapon.

LUTHER
Are you fucking kidding me?

DANNY
If I’ve got your weapon,
they’ll think you’re a hostage,
not a co-conspirator.

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
Open the door RIGHT NOW,
OR WE’LL BREAK IT DOWN --

A Little Help From My Friends

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 32 of AFTERHOURS, gunman on the run Danny Peel tries to convince patrolman Luther James to help him escape by giving him half the loot ...


INT. AFTER HOURS CLUB - EARLY MORNING
The buzzer RINGS.

DANNY
Places, please.
Aim at the door.

MIA
Don’t I get a gun?

DANNY
Get behind the bar, Mia.

She frowns.
Starts walking toward the bar.

Danny goes to the door.
Leans into it.

DANNY
Come in nice and slow.

The door slowly opens.
In walks Sergeant LUTHER JAMES (20’s),
African-American, tall, good-looking,
holding his weapon in a two-handed grip.

Danny points his sawed-off at him.

LUTHER
Looks like a standoff, cop killer.

DANNY
Not quite.

Casey, Sky and Bettie come into view,
weapons aimed.

DANNY
I get by with a little help
from my friends.

LUTHER
Wait a minute.
Sky Masters?

SKY
Yippee-kai-yay, motherfucker.

LUTHER
And Bettie Blue?

BETTIE
Helter Skelter, baby.

LUTHER
(to Casey)
You’re that writer.

BETTIE
(nods)
The sword is mightier than the pen.

LUTHER
(to Danny)
You’re trusting your
hostages with guns?
What, they go Patty Hearst
on your ass?

DANNY
You’ll have to ask them.

LUTHER
Where’s my partner?
Show me he’s okay.

DANNY
(nods behind him)
In the corner there.
He’s out, but he’s okay.

LUTHER
(sees him, nods)
Where’s the money?

DANNY
Behind the bar in a duffle.
Feel free to count it.

LUTHER
How exactly do you propose
I get you outta here?

DANNY
In your car.
Take me to a motel
and you’re a rich man.

CASEY
I’m coming with him.

LUTHER
What?

CASEY
He’s gonna need someone
to check him in and then
go out for supplies and shit.

LUTHER
You’re gonna jeopardize
your career for him?

CASEY
You got that backwards.
He’s gonna save it --