From Brassiere To Eternity

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In Chapter 18 of LEGS, Episode 3, after rescuing his diabetic mother from the kidnappers, homicide dick Basil Keko is horrified to find out she's in a coma in the hospital. Meanwhile, private eye Carrie Love rescues her girlfriend, porn star Laura Lang after being electrocuted in her most private place ...


INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
Kitty lies in bed connected
to a shitload of tubes and wires.
A monitor softly BEEPS.

Bernie and Carrie stand next to a
KINDLY-LOOKING INDIAN DOCTOR (30’s).

Basil sits in a chair
next to the bed looking at her,
teary-eyed.

BERNIE
How is she?

KINDLY-LOOKING INDIAN DOCTOR
Her vital signs have stabilized,
but I’m afraid she’s in a coma.

CARRIE
Was there any brain damage?

KINDLY-LOOKING INDIAN DOCTOR
We won’t know until she wakes up.

BERNIE
How long will that be?

KINDLY-LOOKING INDIAN DOCTOR
We have no way of knowing.
Could be a day,
a month or a year.
Or longer.
But she’s not in any pain,
if that helps.

BASIL
If I talk to her,
can she hear me?

KINDLY-LOOKING INDIAN DOCTOR
There’s no way of knowing.
But it cannot hurt.
(beat)
Now, if you’ll excuse me,
I have another
patient to attend to.
Good luck to you.

He bows and leaves.

BASIL
Fucking dot-head.
wanna get a specialist,
get the best fucking
brain doctor there is.
I can afford it.

BERNIE
I did some checking up, pop.
He’s supposed to be one of the
best neurologists in the country.

CARRIE
Oh, shit -- Laura.
I gotta go.

BERNIE
Go get her.
Thanks for coming.

CARRIE
She’s gonna pull
through okay, Bernie.
Don’t worry.

She kisses him on the cheek.
Hurries out.

BASIL
Holy shit.

BERNIE
What?

BASIL
She fucking kissed you.

BERNIE
On the cheek, pop.
We’re still friends.

BASIL
‘Friends,’ my ass.
She wants some of that
Keko man-meat, I tell ya.
I knew she’d come around.
(takes Kitty’s hand in his)
You hear that, Kitty?
Carrie and Bernie are
getting back together.

INT. PORN SOUNDSTAGE - MAKEUP ROOM - DAY
Laura is curled up in a ball
on a couch in the corner
wrapped like a wraith
in a white sheet.

Looks pale.
Small. Damaged.

Carrie rushes in,
races over to her.

CARRIE
Baby, there you are --
are you okay?
Are you okay?

She wraps her arms
around the wounded bird.

LAURA
I don’t feel so good, Care.
That -- bloody machine.

CARRIE
I’m so sorry, baby,
I’m so sorry.
C’mon, I’m taking you home.

With surprising strength,
Carrie picks her up,
cradles her.

LAURA
You’ll carry me --
across the threshold?

CARRIE
I’ll carry you to
the end of the earth.
CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Yeah, yeah -- I know.
Corny, sentimental.
Deal with it.
(beat)
Just keep it on
the down-low, okay?