That Killing Feeling

Surf, Sun and Pussy

2012-02-17T15:03:00.000-08:00

Make Mine A Double

2012-02-16T11:11:00.000-08:00

Shit Outta Luck

2012-02-15T10:46:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of BABY HEISTER, after shooting the cop that pulled her over, Jo Hazard gets off the freeway and parks the hearse at an abandoned gas station, where she runs into some pint-sized gang-bangers. Meanwhile, Doc and Kelsey have 'luggage issues' at the airport ... where, unbenownst to them, rogue detective Flint Cole is arriving ...

EXT. FREEWAY - DAY
The hearse turns off at the next exit.
Goes down the ramp.

EXT. EAST LA - INTERSECTION - DAY
A REALLY shitty part of town.
Crumbling apartment blocks.

The hearse pulls into
an abandoned gas station.

INT. HEARSE - DAY
Jo slips the gun in her pocket.
Opens the car door.

EXT. ABANDONED GAS STATION - DAY
She gets out. Looks around.
Not a soul to be seen.

Sees a pay phone. Walks over to it.
Lifts the receiver. Listens. Dead.

SNEERING GANG-BANGER (O.C.)
Hey, lady. Where’s the funeral?

She turns, sees a pair of
THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD HISPANIC KIDS holding switchblades.
They FLIP them open menacingly.

LAUGHING GANG-BANGER
Looks like someone got lost or somethin.’

SNEERING GANG-BANGER
What you doin’ in this neighborhood?
This is OUR territory.

JO
I had a -- little problem with the police.

LAUGHING GANG-BANGER
You hear DAT?
She had a little trouble with the five-oh?

SNEERING GANG-BANGER
Well, now you have a little trouble with US.
Give us your WALLET, bitch.

JO
(WHIPS OUT her gun)
The TROUBLE involved SHOOTING A COP.
Now get the FUCK out of my face
before I BLOW A HOLE in your REFRIED BRAINS.

SNEERING GANG-BANGER
Holy SHIT. Don’t shoot, lady.

LAUGHING GANG-BANGER
Yo, chill.
We were just fuckin’ with ya --

JO
(CLICKS the safety)
Get your CHALUPAS the FUCK
out of my FACE. NOW.

They RUN. Jo watches them go.
Thinking. A light bulb POPS.

JO
I should call Jack Cotton --

EXT. PALM SPRINGS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY
Gorgeous, beautiful mountains in the distance.

A small, white circular building with
passenger ramps around it like an octopus.
Planes taxi on the runways.

EXT. CHARTER FLIGHT HANGER - DAY
A smallish building for private jets.

Parked in front is a PIPER CUB.
One of those tiny planes used for
crop dusting and pulling banners across the sky.

Standing next to it is BRUB (50’s),
a grizzled pilot.

He looks at Doc, Kelsey, Reno and Dusty.
Then the duffle bags.

BRUB
Plane’s too small.
Jo said it would only be two people.

DOC
We had a change of plan.

DUSTY
(points at Reno)
What if I sit on his lap?

RENO
Yeah. We could squeeze in real tight.

BRUB
Too much weight.
I can take two of you,
plus the bags. That’s it.

KELSEY
(to Doc)
Shit. What are we gonna do?

BRUB
Tell ya what.
It only takes fifteen minutes to get to LAX.
Why don’t I take two of you first,
then come back?

DOC
That means we’d have to wait
half an hour --

BRUB
Seeing as how we go way back and all --
I’ll only charge half-price
for the second trip.

DOC
It’s a deal.
Kelsey and me will go first,
with the bags.

RENO
Wait a minute.
I thought we were splitting up
the take on the plane.

DUSTY
That’s right.
If something happens,
we’re shit outta luck.

DOC
Tell ya what.
We’ll take one bag,
leave one with you.

RENO
But who says each bag
has the same amount of dough in it?

KELSEY
Each bag has about a half-million in it.
What’s the fucking problem?
Doc’s giving you a lift,
AND letting you stay at his loft.
Chill OUT. We’ve gotta get the fuck
OUTTA here instead of wasting our time
standing around ARGUING.

DUSTY
Broad’s right.

RENO
Okay, okay.

DOC
(nods)
See you at LAX.

Dusty nods.
Brub opens the door.

Doc picks up a bag. Stuffs it in.
He and Kelsey get in. Then Brub.

The plane’s propellers start WHIRRING.
Starts taxiing down the runway.

RENO
C’mon. Let’s go see what kinda grub they got.

DUSTY
Fuck that. I could use a drink --

EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY
A Yellow Cab pulls up to the curb.
Flint Cole pops out the back door. SLAMS it.
Heads into the building, on a mission.

AT THE SECURITY CHECK LINE
He flashes his badge at a SURLY TSA OFFICER.
Cuts ahead of the line.

Goes through the metal detector.
It starts BEEPING. He grins.
Heads down the corridor --

The Family Business

2012-02-14T10:56:00.000-08:00

Foul Play

2012-02-13T10:57:00.000-08:00

Party Crashers

2012-02-10T10:46:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 20 of BABY HEISTER, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard and the gang have successfully knocked over the armored car, but when they arrive at Freddie Fingers' farm house to divide up the loot, they're in for a deadly surprise ...

EXT. TILLY’S JOINT - DAY
A ramshackle clapboard affair sits at the end
of a long driveway surrounded by big, old oak trees.
The joint’s in serious disrepair.
Dead, brown lawn. Crumbling foundation.

Next to the house is a small barn
that looks like it’d fall over if you sneezed.
Doors open.

The Roto-Helper truck comes down the driveway.
Drives into the barn. Stops.

INT. BARN - DAY
Kelsey gets out of the truck.
Goes around to the back, opens the door.
Reno and Dusty get out.

Freddie steps out from the shadows
holding a shotgun. Aims it at them.

FREDDIE
Don’t move, or I’ll SHOOT.

DUSTY
What the FUCK?

RENO
Asshole. I KNEW it.

KELSEY
You’re not gonna get away this.

FREDDIE
Fuck you, bitch.
Now all of you take your
guns out slowly and TOSS ‘em.

Kelsey, Reno and Dusty shake their heads.
Curse under their breath.

Slowly pull out their guns.
Toss them.

RENO
What’s it like knowing you’re gonna die?

FREDDIE
Shut up. Kick ‘em over here.

They kick their guns over.

DUSTY
You realize you’re a dead man, right?

FREDDIE
I said SHUT UP.
One more word and I’ll
blow your fucking HEADS off.

A GUNSHOT rings out. BANG.
A hole appears in Freddie’s forehead.

He falls over, THWUMP.
They turn and look, see --

RAY
Standing in the doorway.
Holding a giant chrome handgun.
Wicked smile on his lips. Chuckling.

RAY
Sorry to crash the party.
(off Kelsey’s shocked look)
Hey there, darlin.’
Don’t suppose you’d like to
ride off into the sunset with me.

KELSEY
Fucking ASSHOLE.

RAY
So ladylike.
(waves the gun at them)
Start unloading the dough, fellas.
Then your gonna put it in my van outside.

GUNSHOTS ring out.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

Five RED HOLES appear in his white T-shirt.
He looks down at them --

RAY
What the --

And HITS the ground. THWUMP.

TILLY
Stands in the doorway behind him.
Holding a small handgun.

TILLY
You shot my FREDDIE.

DUSTY
Tilly. Calm down. He’s not with us.

He wasn’t part of the plan, I swear.

RENO
Yeah. Don’t shoot, don’t shoot.

TILLY
SHUT UP. I gotta THINK.

BANG. Her head EXPLODES IN A RED MIST.
Kelsey JUMPS. SCREAMS.

DOC
Stands behind her
holding a sawed-off shotgun.

KELSEY
Doc.

DOC
Didn’t think I’d let you
do the job without a chaperone, did ya?
(beat)
Looks like I got here just in time.

RENO
No shit. Freddie tried a cross --
(points at Ray)
And this fella shot him.

Doc goes over to Ray’s body.
Pull out his wallet.

DOC
Bastard been sniffin’ around since the wake.
(opens the wallet, looks)
The guy’s a fucking COP.
Detective Charles Willis,
LA Robbery Homicide.

DUSTY
Holy SHIT.
You know what that means?

DOC
Yeah. They’re onto us.

RENO
But he wasn’t arresting us.
He was gonna TAKE THE DOUGH.

DUSTY
Yeah, but the cops still know about us.
He was playing along like
he was investigating us --
then he was gonna take
the dough and disappear.

RENO
So when word gets out about the can
getting knocked over --

DOC
Dead cop? Gonna be a shit storm.

Kelsey stares. Numb.
White a ghost.
Doc looks at her.

DOC
Don’t worry. We’re gonna be okay.
I’ve been planning for this day a long time.
(off her nod)
Take a deep breath.

She gulps down air.
Stares at the bodies.

DOC
Be strong.
You can freak out later.
Right now we gotta focus.

RENO
So what are we gonna do about the bodies?

DUSTY
I say we torch the joint.

DOC
Good idea.

Reno and Dusty nod.
Head toward the house.

DOC
C’mon. Let’s move the truck.
I gotta call Jo.

Kelsey nods. They get in,
Kelsey behind the wheel.
She starts backing it out of the barn.

IN THE TRUCK
Kelsey stops in the driveway.

DOC
Go change the signs.
Put the old ones in the barn, okay?

She nods. Starts to get out.
Stops. Stares at Doc. In shock.

DOC
You gotta trust me.
We’ll make it through this.
I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. Okay?

Kelsey nods.
Eyes bright with tears. Gets out.

Doc pulls out his cell.
Punches a number. Listens.

DOC
Hello, Jo?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Jo stands at the wall phone,
holding the receiver to her ear.

JO
What’s wrong?

DOC
It’s D-day. No time to explain.
Call Brub at the airport.
Charter a plane for us to LAX.
Then call Crutch,
have a limo waiting for us there.
Then drive the stash to the loft downtown.
We’ll meet you there. Okay?

JO
Got it. Is everybody okay?

DOC
Yeah. Don’t pack anything.
You gotta leave immediately.
Okay? Love you.

JO
Okay. Love you.

She hangs up.
Goes to the stove.
Turns it off.

JO
Sorry, pot roast --

One False Move

2012-02-09T11:03:00.000-08:00

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of BABY HEISTER, teenage wannabe heister Kelsey Hazard 'earns her stripes' when she takes Simon's place as the wheelman ... and the gang successfully robs the armored car at the diner ...

EXT. RUBY’S DINER - DAY
Seven AM. Zero hour.

A smattering of cars and trucks
dot the parking spaces in front.
The spaces to the side are empty.

A big, tall van marked ROTO-HELPER pulls in.
Parks to the right of the armored car’s space.

Dusty gets out. Shuts the door.
Ambles into the restaurant.

An ancient Toyota pulls in.
Parks to the left of the armored car’s space,
but on an angle with it’s nose to the right
to make sure no one else parks
where the can is supposed to go.

ANGLE ON --

The Toyota.
We see Kelsey’s behind the wheel,
wearing shades and a baseball cap.
She lights a smoke. Waiting.

EXT. GAS STATION - DAY
Down the street near the exit
to the gas station lot,
the big, shitty truck idles,
Reno behind the wheel.

IN THE RESTAURANT
Tilly looks at her watch.
Nods to herself.

Puts a sign that says
AREA CLOSED FOR CLEANING
in the area near the side window.
Then wheels the bucket and mop over.

ON THE FREEWAY
The armored car turns off,
drives into the lot.

AT THE GAS STATION
Big, shitty truck pulls out.

IN THE PARKING LOT
Kelsey drives her car behind the diner.

THE ARMORED CAR
Pulls into its space
to the left of the Roto-Helper truck.

DUSTY
Sits in the diner.
Having coffee at the counter. Watching.

IN THE PARKING LOT
The armored car DRIVER gets out.
Goes to the rear of the truck,
raps on the door,
and a UNIFORMED GUARD gets out.

They pull out their keys.
Insert them in separate key holes.

Lock the door.
Then head into the diner.

The big, shitty truck pulls in.
Parks in the space to the left
of the armored car, blocking the view.

IN THE TRUCK
We now get a closer look at Reno.
We see he’s wearing the
armored car company uniform,
but not the hat.

He checks his gun.
Holsters it. Slips on shades.

IN THE DINER
Dusty watches Driver and Guard
leave the bathroom.

Pick up their ‘to go’ coffee order.
Sees his cue. Leaves.

FREDDIE
Gets up from his stool at the counter.
Walks into the back.

THE DRIVER AND GUARD
Come out of the diner.
Start walking toward the can.

EXT. DINER PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS
Dusty stands between the truck and the can.
Kicks the front right tire of the truck.

Walks to the back.
Kicks the double rear tires
on the same side. Sighs.

DUSTY
I’ll be a sonofabitch.

Driver and Guard look at Dusty. Smile.

KELSEY
Pulls her car out from behind the diner
and slowly eases it toward the three trucks.

Just as she gets perpendicular to the can,
she kills the engine.

KELSEY
GODDAMMIT.

IN THE SHITTY TRUCK
Reno hears her. Puts on his guard cap.
Gets out.

THE DRIVER AND GUARD
Stand in back of the can.
They pull out their keys.

Driver sticks his in. Then Guard.
They stop. Turn. Look at Kelsey.

KELSEY
Sorry. It stalls out.
I just gotta give it a sec.

They nod. Return to their task.

Dusty suddenly appears and CLIPS
Guard on the side of the head with his gun.
He GOES DOWN, hits the pavement. THWUNK.

Before Driver can react,
Reno appears with a gun and a knife.

SHOVES the gun in his back.
PRICKS his neck with the knife.

RENO
(softly)
Hold very still.
(off his panicked look)
Go around to the front and have
the other guard open the door for you.

Reno moves the knife down to Driver’s hip.
PRICKS him again.

RENO
One false move and I castrate you.

Kelsey gets out of the car holding ropes and gags.
She and Dusty tie up Unconscious Guard.

Stuff him in the shitty truck.
Kelsey gets back in her car.

Dusty trots over to Reno,
now moving toward the passenger-side
of the cab with Driver.

IN THE ARMORED CAR
The OTHER GUARD sees Driver in the window,
and part of Dusty’s uniform.

He opens the door.
Dusty CLIPS Driver on the head with his gun.
He goes down. Aims his gun at Other Guard.

DUSTY
Get the fuck OUT.

Other Guard hesitates.
Looks at Driver on the ground. Swallows.

Starts slowly getting out,
just as Reno SAPS him on the head
from the other side, SMACK. He goes down.

Dusty and Kelsey carry Driver and Other Guard
into the shitty truck. Start tying them up.

Reno starts transferring sacks and boxes of money
from the armored car into the back
of the Roto-Helper truck.

Kelsey gets in the Toyota
and drives it to the back of the diner.

Dusty helps Reno finish
putting the money in the roto-truck,
then gets in the back with it.

Kelsey returns on foot and gets in front.
Starts the engine, and drives away.

IN THE ROTO-HELPER TRUCK
Kelsey grips the steering wheel.
Big, shit-eating grin.

Dusty leans into the cab from the back.

DUSTY
Looks like someone just
popped her cherry.
How do you feel?

KELSEY
Fucking GREAT.
(makes a face)
Think I peed my pants a little --

Leave The Robbing To Us

2012-02-08T11:08:00.000-08:00

The Family That Heists Together

2012-02-07T10:56:00.000-08:00

Night Of The Living Heist

2012-02-06T10:49:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of BABY HEISTER, teenage wannabe bank robber Kelsey Hazard and her grandfather Doc renegotiate their cut on the armored car job with 'the inside man,' who's NOT pleased, but has to deal with it. Then they start planning the final details of the job ...

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING
Doc and Kelsey sit on the couch facing the fireplace.
Reno, Dusty and Simon sit in easy chairs.

Everyone looks tired. Sipping coffee.
Jo walks in with a fresh pot.

JO
It’s like 'Night Of The Living Heist' in here.
Anybody want a refill?

DOC
Thanks, Jo.

The doorbell RINGS.

DOC
That’ll be
'The Bitch and the Pauper.'

JO
I’ll get it.

She goes to the door. Opens it.
In walks Freddie and Tilly.

Looks pleased with himself.
Tilly looks angry. But tamed.

DOC
Freddie. Tilly.

JO
Y’all want some java?

They both nod.
Jo goes off to get them mugs.

DOC
So we checked out the diner --

FREDDIE
Already?

DOC
Yeah. Last night.
After we met with you.
(looks at Tilly)
Wanted to see if there
were any other problems.

Tilly narrows her eyes. Bristles.
Jo appears. Brings them mugs of coffee.
They take them. Sit. Exchange glances.

FREDDIE
And -- what do you think?

DOC
We can do it.

FREDDIE
So what’s your plan?

DOC
Hold on.
First there’s the matter of the split.

FREDDIE
Wh-what do you mean?

DOC
We’re doing all the heavy lifting.
It’s now five shares instead of four.
(points at the gang)
They each get one.
Kelsey and I split one,
and you two split one. Five shares.

TILLY
Now wait a MINUTE. This is MY JOB --

FREDDIE
I told you to SHUT THE FUCK UP.

TILLY
No, YOU shut the fuck up.

FREDDIE
THEY’RE doing all the goddamn WORK.
Yes, you came up with the job,
but you’re not a HEISTER.
You’re a fucking WAITRESS.

TILLY
(LEAPS up)
That’s it. I’m outta here.

FREDDIE
GODDAMMIT. LISTEN to me.

KELSEY
Excuse me. Tilly?
We actually DO need your help.

TILLY
Y-you need my help?

DOC
It’s a VERY important part of the job.
Sit down. We’ll tell you all about it.

INT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
The gang sits around the big table
eating a hearty breakfast.
Doc sits at the head, holding court.

DUSTY
I do believe she looked almost happy.

KELSEY
I thought she was gonna bust a gut
when you told her she’d have to
stay at the diner and meet us
later at her place.

DOC
She needs to stay and finish her shift.
Otherwise she’ll lead the cops right to us.

SIMON
And Freddie hangs out at the diner
to establish his alibi.

DOC
Yep. It’ll give us plenty of time
to split up the dough,
change the signs on the truck --
and more importantly,
prevent them from trying a cross.
(beat)
Okay. Job assignments.
Dusty, I need you to get
the crime scene mace,
then go see a guy I know
who’ll make the new signage.

He hands him a slip of paper.
Dusty takes it. Looks it over.
Nods. Sticks it in his pocket.

DUSTY
I’m on it.

KELSEY
What’s a 'mace?'

DOC
A vehicle that’s not hot.
Has a clean chain-of-title with fake paperwork.
That way we can travel in it safely,
or in the case of the big truck,
leave it behind.
(to Reno)
Reno, can you get the big one?

RENO
Piece a cake.

DOC
Good. Don’t go nuts.
It can be a piece of shit.
We’re not keeping it.
(to Simon)
Simon. I assume you can
jack a set of wheels?

SIMON
We guarantee.
In thirty minutes or less.

DOC
Make sure it’s fresh.
Get it the day of the job.
And nothing flashy.

SIMON
Okay. You figured out the parking maneuvers?

DOC
Yeah. We park the van to the
right of their spot
and the car to the left.
When the first guy goes in,
the car pulls out, and then
the big truck pulls into it’s place.

KELSEY
Why do the bit with the car?
Why not just park the big truck
there right away?

DOC
If they start to pull in
and see they’re boxed in like that,
they might park somewhere else.

KELSEY
Right.
(beat)
So what am I gonna do?

DOC
You’re gonna come with me to get the guns.
Then we’ll stake out the diner.
Watch the can do it’s run.
Make sure it’s kosher.
Sound like a plan?

KELSEY
Works for me --

A Chip Off The Old Crook

2012-02-03T10:48:00.000-08:00

Take The Money And Run

2012-02-02T11:01:00.000-08:00

This Ain't Kindergarten

2012-02-01T10:11:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday, or, for those of you stuck in 9-to-5 jobs, 'Hump Day.' HA. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of BABY HEISTER, Doc Hazard and his teenage bank-robbing granddaughter Kelsey meet with the 'inside man' on the armored car job. Problem is, she's kind of a bitch ...

EXT. DAIRY SHACK - NIGHT
Crickets CHIRP off somewhere in the night air.
It’s still hot out.

The gang sits around a big picnic table
off to the side of the restaurant
eating ice cream.

NERVOUS GUY
It’s a piece a cake, I tell ya.

Meet FREDDIE FINGERS (50’s),
small, squirrelly.
Pockmarked face. Jug-like ears.

Wearing a suit that was cool in the 70’s.
Blinking rapidly.

Rocking back and forth in his seat.

BITCHY WOMAN
Who are all the extra people?
You said it was a four-man job.

Meet TILLY SACKLER (40’s).
Once a near-beauty,
now a human cosmetics counter.

Dressed like a teenager in
leggings and top a bit too small.
Newport dangling on frosted pink lips.

DOC
The name’s Doc.
I’m organizing the job.
(nods at Kelsey)
This here’s Kelsey.
My granddaughter.
She’s learning the ropes.
You don’t need to worry about her.

TILLY
(to Freddie)
What the fuck? It’s OUR job --

FREDDIE
Calm down, Tilly.
Doc’s the best in the business.
He’s helping us out.
(nods at the others)
The other guys won’t do it
unless he gives the okay. Got it?

TILLY
But what about the fucking GIRL?

DOC
(stands up)
See ya later, Freddie.

FREDDIE
No, wait, wait.
(to Tilly)
Tilly, you’re gonna fuck this up.
The girl is with him.
Chill out, okay?

TILLY
I don’t like it.
This ain’t kindergarten.

DOC
(to the rest)
Told you it was no good.
C’mon, let’s go.

The others start to get up.

FREDDIE
WAIT. WAIT.
(to Tilly)
Tilly, GODDAMMIT.
If they go, there’s NO JOB.
Got it? There’s NO FUCKING JOB.
(off her stare)
You wanna work at a joint
called EAT the rest of your life?
(off her silence)
Well, DO you?

Pause.

TILLY
Sit down.

Doc looks at the others.
They shrug. Nod. Sit back down.

FREDDIE
Okay, okay.
(to Doc)
So what’s the first step?

DOC
I need to scope out the joint.
Figure out what we need.

FREDDIE
Do you have any idea yet
how you’re gonna do it?

DOC
I didn’t say we were gonna do it yet.
Like I said, I gotta check it out.
If it looks bad, we walk. No promises.

FREDDIE
But it’s a good one, Doc.
A real good one.

DOC
We’re professionals, Freddie.
That might not be a concept
you’re familiar with,
but professionals don’t
go off half-cocked.
They plan a job down
to the most minor detail.
That’s the reason
I’ve never been busted. Capiche?

FREDDIE
Yeah, sure, Doc. Sure.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

DOC
Good.
We’ll swing by the diner tomorrow.

He pulls a notepad out of his pocket.
Slides it over.

DOC
I’ll need directions.

FREDDIE
(nods, starts writing)
What time?

DOC
It’s best if you don’t know.
I’ll call you afterwards.
If it looks good,
we schedule another meeting.

TILLY
What do you mean IF it looks good?
It’s a piece of cake.

DOC
Knocking over an armored car
is NEVER a piece of cake.
If it WAS, you wouldn’t need US.

TILLY
I don’t think I like your tone.

DOC
Freddie, if you don’t
shut this skank up, I WILL.

TILLY
HEY --

FREDDIE
Tilly. Please.
You’re gonna fuck up the job,
and then we ain’t got nothin.’

TILLY
Alright, alright.
Keep your shirt on.
(to Doc)
Have to respect your elders.

DOC
You wouldn’t know respect
if it you bit you
on the cellulite --

Home Is Where The Heist Is

2012-01-31T10:24:00.000-08:00

Chump Change

2012-01-30T10:53:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of BABY HEISTER, teenage wannabe bank robber Kelsey Hazard is on cloud nine when she gets to sit in on the planning of an armored car heist and rub elbows with professional heisters ...

INT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
The gang sits around the living room
on couches and chairs drinking bottles of beer.
Except for Jo, having coffee.

Kelsey looks around the room.
Trying to hide her excitement.

DOC
So tell me about the job.

DUSTY
Armored car heist. Palm Springs.

RENO
Real sweet.

SIMON
Fat and juicy.

DOC
Who’s the point person?

DUSTY
You remember Freddie Fingers?

DOC
Yeah, unfortunately.
I thought he retired
after that dust-up in Reno.

DUSTY
So did he. But he recently
shacked up with this waitress --

DOC
Don’t tell me.
Some roadside diner?

DUSTY
Yeah. The job is her idea.
But it’s a good one.
It can work.

DOC
I don’t like it.
(looks at Kelsey)
Freddie’s not the sharpest knife
in the drawer.
And fucking the inside man
tends to cloud your judgment.
(looks at Dusty)
Tell me about the hash-slinger.

DUSTY
What’s there to tell?
She’s a waitress.
Tired of serving tuna melts
to truckers for chump change.

DOC
Tell me about the can.
What’s the gag?

DUSTY
It comes by once a week,
same time exactly.
Always parks in the same place.
Three guards take turns
going to the head.
Last one grabs coffees to go.
Then they split.

DOC
How long are they there?

DUSTY
Fifteen minutes, give or take.
And they always park
in the same spot. Always.
Like fucking clockwork.

DOC
How much dough?

DUSTY
This is the beauty part.
Every Friday, they transfer cash
to all the local branches
from the main bank --

RENO
You know, payday.

DOC
So it’s alot of cabbage.

RENO
Waitress says it’s gotta be
at least a million.

DOC
What time?

DUSTY
Seven-AM.

DOC
Still not sure I like it.
I wanna meet the soup jockey.

DUSTY
We’re one step ahead of you.
Already set it up.

DOC
Okay.
(looks at Kelsey)
You never meet the people
setting up a job WHERE the job is.
You don’t want the locals
to remember seeing you.

KELSEY
Got it.

DOC
(to Dusty)
Escape route or hole up?

DUSTY
Not sure.
We’ll defer to your expertise.
Outlying area is kinda open.
The desert interstate
kinda narrows your options.

DOC
Gotcha.
(to Kelsey)
There are three ways to finish a job.
First is you grab the loot
and take a pre-arranged
escape route that’s cool.
(beat)
Second is you hole up somewhere
until the heat dies down,
then split up the loot
and go your separate ways.

KELSEY
What’s the third?

DOC
Hide the loot, split,
then come back for it later.
Kinda tricky, but it’s good when
there’s not a good escape route
and no place to hole up.

Doc sips his beer. Eyes the men.

DOC
Who’s financing?

DUSTY
I am.

DOC
YOU are.

DUSTY
I need the job, Doc.
Had a bad run in Atlantic City.

DOC
(to Kelsey)
Every job has expenses. Transportation.
Weapons. Food and lodging.
And sometimes you need tech stuff,
explosives, whatnot.
(beat)
Usually you get an outside financier
to put up the dough.
They either get double it back,
or a percentage.
That’s the way I like to do it.
That way, nobody has
more at stake than the others.
(looks at Dusty)
But some people aren’t good
at managing their money between jobs.
(to Dusty)
You asking ace shares?

DUSTY
Nah. Even split all around.
Four shares.

DOC
You ARE desperate.

KELSEY
Ace shares means more money --

DOC
Yeah.
(to Reno)
What’s your situation?

RENO
I’m cool. Gone through about
half the scratch from my last job.
Don’t like my reserves to get below that --
(shrugs)
It’s a good job, Doc. You’ll see.

DOC
(nods at Simon)
And you two vouch for Jason Statham here?

DUSTY
Yeah. We’ve both worked with him.
Best wheelman I’ve ever seen.

RENO
Precision driver.

DOC
(to Simon)
Where’d you learn to drive so well?

DUSTY
Don’t you follow NASCAR?
Kid’s been in the country six months.
Already won five races.

SIMON
You make me blush.

Doc nods slowly.
Sips his beer.
Eyes them.

DOC
When do we meet Freddie Fingers
and Truck Stop Sally?

DUSTY
In a couple hours.
Told ‘em to meet us
at the Dairy Shack.
We can sit outside.
Have some privacy.

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face. Excited.

KELSEY
And ice cream --

One Lucky Frill

2012-01-27T10:49:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of BABY HEISTER, after finishing the day's training, teenage wannabe bank robber Kelsey Hazard and her grandfather Doc sit down to a big dinner, and then to Kelsey's surprise, a motley crew of heisters arrive and join them ...

INT. BARN - DAY - IN MONTAGE
We see Doc Kelsey doing a series of exercises.
Jumping rope. Push ups. Pull ups.
Jumping Jacks. Climbing a rope. Boxing.

Doc holds the punching bag as Kelsey
SLAMS IT with boxing gloves.
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.

She’s drenched in sweat. Looks fierce.
Like a warrior. Doc BLOWS a whistle.

DOC
That’s enough for now.
Don’t wanna kill you.
(beat)
Yet.

Kelsey nods. Out of breath.
Doc checks his watch.

DOC
Let’s go get some supper.
Get somethin’ in yer belly.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
A big spread has been laid out on table.
Burgers. Fried chicken. Pasta salad.
Mashed potatoes. The works.

Eves have been added to the table
so that more people can sit.

Jo is finishing setting
place settings for six people.

Doc and Kelsey walk in,
see the culinary explosion.

DOC
A meal fit for a king.

KELSEY
Why the extra chairs?

DOC
We’re expecting company.
Sit. Dig in.

Kelsey sits. Grabs a chicken leg.
Starts chewing. Starving.

KELSEY
What kind of company?

DOC
Surprise.

The doorbell RINGS.
Jo starts for the door.

JO
I’ll get it. Sit.

Doc nods. Takes a chair.
Starts filling his plate.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - FRONT DOOR - DAY
Jo opens the front door.
Revealing three HEISTERS, grinning.

RENO BLACK (30’s)
a stocky fireplug of gruffness nods.

RENO
Nice to see ya again, Jo.
We’re here for the free meal.

DUSTY VEGA (40’s), dark and slick,
a poor man’s Al Pacino nudges him.
Chewing on a toothpick.

DUSTY
You know Reno.
If food were the food of love,
he’d eat on.

SIMON LEEDS (20’s), tall and thin,
the rockabilly version of Jonathan Rhys-Meyers
shakes his head with mock-embarrassment.

SIMON
Please pardon the lowlife criminal element.
I’m embarrassed to be seen in their company,
but I’m afraid I have bills to pay.

JO
(charmed)
I don’t think we’ve met --

Simon takes her hand. Kisses it.

SIMON
Simon Leeds, at your service.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER
Everyone sits around the table chowing down.
Kelsey keeps sneaking glances at Simon.
Smitten, but hiding it. Sort of.

DOC
Kelsey here is learning how to be a heister.

RENO
And YOU’RE teaching her?
(to Kelsey)
He’s the master.
You’re one lucky frill.

KELSEY
What’s a 'frill?'

JO
Dame. Doll.

DOC
Broad. Bim.

RENO
Chippy. Chick.

DUSTY
Frail. Floozy.

SIMON
Twist. Tomato.

Kelsey BURSTS into laughter.

KELSEY
'Tomato?'

SIMON
We have our own patois,
like any other subculture.

DUSTY
(to Doc)
So -- is it okay
to talk about the job --
with her at the table?

DOC
Yep. In fact,
I’d like her to be IN on the job.

DUSTY
I’m not sure that’s such a --

DOC
I know what you’re thinking,
but hear me out.
She’s my kin.
We can trust her.

RENO
That’s true, but --

DOC
Think of it as on-the-job training.
I’d like her to observe every aspect
of planning the heist --
she just won’t DO the heist.

DUSTY
Highly unusual.

RENO
Well, if she’s not doing the job,
what could it hurt?

SIMON
He’s got a point.
(winks at Kelsey)
Be kinda fun
to teach a baby heister.

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face.
Blushing a deep red.

KELSEY
'Baby heister?'

Fast Cars And Big Guns

2012-01-26T10:44:00.000-08:00

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of BABY HEISTER, retired bank robber Doc Hazard starts training his teenage granddaughter Kelsey on how to be a heister, first with grueling workout, then a lecture on the basics of putting together a team ... and then a little target practice.

EXT. RANCH - DIRT ROAD - DAY
The chainsaw-psychobilly zombie-foot-stomp
of Horrorpops’ THELMA AND LOUISE over --

Kelsey. Listening to the song on her I-pod.
RUNNING on the side of the road.

Pumping like a demon in the blistering heat.
Shorts and T-shirt soaked in sweat.
Fierce. Determined.

She passes a row of crops.
A big, old barn. Runs past a pond.

A guy on a tractor, who HONKS.
Hits the front drive. Runs up to Doc.

Standing on the front porch,
holding a stop watch.

She stops. Tries to catch her breath.
He hands her a canteen. Drinks greedily.
Then pours it over her head.

DOC
Not bad. Five minutes.
Pretty soon we’ll get it down to four.

KELSEY
You trying to kill me?

DOC
When the shit comes down,
you gotta be able to MOVE.
Heisting isn’t just fast cars
and big guns, girlie-girl.

KELSEY
Speaking of guns, when do I get to --

DOC
After breakfast. C’mon.
Let’s go chow down.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Kelsey and Doc sit at the rustic, wooden table.
Jo serves them a big meal of flapjacks,
eggs, toast, bacon and sausage.

Then sits and joins them.
Kelsey starts wolfing it down.

DOC
This looks great, Jo.

KELSEY
(mouth full)
Yeah, Jo --

JO
Don’t talk with your mouth full, Kelsey.
It’s not ladylike.

KELSEY
(swallows)
Sorry.

DOC
Okay. First lesson. Planning the heist.

(off Kelsey’s look)
Planning the job is the most important part.
If it smells bad, you walk away.
If it looks good, then you plan it out
to the smallest detail.
(beat)
Then you assemble your team -- the string.
You only work with people you’ve worked with before,
or people your colleagues can vouch for
cause they’ve worked with ‘em.
You NEVER work with someone
nobody knows. Ever.

JO
Except for 'the inside man', of course.

DOC
I was gettin’ to that.
(to Kelsey)
The inside man is someone who works
at the joint you’re gonna to knock over.
They usually come to you with the job.
Once in a blue moon you approach them,
if you’ve got something on ‘em.
(smiles)
I met Jo when she was the inside man on a job.

KELSEY
I didn’t know that. What was the job?

JO
Coin convention.
I was the roper on a long con
involving one of the dealers,
and then realized you could
take the whole shebang.

DOC
She noticed I was casing the joint --

PUSH IN ON Jo’s face.
Eyes dancing with delight.

JO
And the rest is history.

EXT. RANCH - FIELD - DAY
Kelsey and Doc stand about fifty feet away
from a wooden fence.

A row of empty beer bottles
have been placed on top of it.

Kelsey holds a Glock
in her right hand. Takes aim.

DOC
Move your feet.
They should be shoulder-width apart.

KELSEY
Okay --

She makes the adjustment.

DOC
Now put your right foot out a little bit.
(off her look)
You’re right-handed.

Kelsey nods. Moves it.

DOC
When you take aim,
close your left eye a little bit.

KELSEY
Okay.

DOC
And make sure your arm
is almost completely straight.
(watches her do it)
Now lean forward a little bit.

She does. Doc nods.

DOC (CONT’D)
Let ‘er rip.

Kelsey FIRES, BANG.
The bullet goes WHIZZING above the bottle. THWIP.
It FLIES through foliage behind the fence.

The recoil makes her JUMP.
She rubs her wrist.

KELSEY
Ow.

DOC
Got quite a kick, huh?
Better use a two-handed grip
until you get used to it.

Kelsey puts her left hand
around her right. Grips it tightly.

DOC (CONT’D)
That’s right. Just like in the movies.
(watches)
Make sure both thumbs point forward.
(beat)
Yeah. Like that. And hold it tight.

She takes aim. FIRES. BANG.
The bullet WHIZZES into the air.

KELSEY
Damn.

DOC
Relax. Take a deep breath.
Don’t pull the trigger. Squeeze it.
Think of it like an extension of your hand.
Squeeze it so slowly that you’re
surprised when it goes off.
(off her nod)
Take your time. Deep breath.

Kelsey takes a deep breath. Exhales.
Aims at a bottle. FIRES. BANG.
It HITS the fence. PING. Wood FLIES OFF.

KELSEY
SHIT.

DOC
No, you’re doin’ good --
(beat)
Make sure the front sight
is aligned in the notch of the back sight --
so that the top of the front is
level with the top of the back. Got it?
(off her nod)
Now focus on the front sight
and aim at the target.

Kelsey concentrates.
Moves the gun slightly.

DOC (CONT’D)
Take a deep breath --
and when you exhale, squeeze.

She takes a bead on a bottle.
Her body relaxes.

Takes a deep breath -- and FIRES. BANG.
The bottle EXPLODES. Glass goes FLYING.

KELSEY
God-DAMMIT.

DOC
How does it feel?

KELSEY
Like coming home.

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
A black SUV is parked on the shoulder.

INT. SUV - DAY
Seated behind the wheel is Ray Stark.
Looking through a pair of binoculars.
He puts them down. Smiles.

RAY
Looks like the little girl can shoot --

The Big, Bad Wolf

2012-01-25T10:49:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of BABY HEISTER, teenage wannabe bank robber Kelsey Hazard convinces her grandfather, retired heister Doc Hazard to teach her the tricks of the trade. Meanwhile, we learn that Ray Stark isn't who he appears to be ...

EXT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT
Crickets CHIRP in the background.
The wind RUSTLES through the trees.

The front yard looks
ghostly in the moonlight.

Doc and Kelsey sit on the porch
with bottles of beer.

KELSEY
I keep seeing it happen
over and over again in my head.

DOC
It’ll go away after awhile.
It’ll happen less and less,
then just go away.
(beat)
Most of the time.

KELSEY
You ever killed someone?

DOC
Once.

KELSEY
What happened?

DOC
Fool kid tried a cross,
thought he could take the entire haul.
Was MUCH more careful about
who I worked with after that.

KELSEY
I didn’t even think.
I saw him, grabbed the gun -- and --

She sighs. Shakes her head.
Reliving it again. Sips her beer.

DOC
You know I care about you
like you were my own daughter, right?

KELSEY
I guess so.

DOC
I can’t believe I’m gonna say this --

KELSEY
What.
(realizes)
You MEAN?

DOC
Still wanna be a heister?

KELSEY
Hell, yeah.

DOC
Then I guess we better
get some shut-eye.
Tomorrow’s gonna be a big day.
Got alot to teach ya.

Kelsey LEAPS UP out of her chair.
Goes to Doc. HUGS him.

KELSEY
Ohmigod, THANK YOU, Doc.
I LOVE YOU.
(beat)
OHMIGOD. OHMIGOD.

DOC
Calm down, calm down.
Heisters don’t squeal
like little girls.

KELSEY
What made you change your mind?

DOC
Well, you got kicked out
of school the first day.
Fucked up your job the first day.
(beat)
But the way you handled that shotgun tonight?
Guess some things were just meant to be.

EXT. DESERT PALMS MOTEL - NIGHT
One of those old, ramshackle affairs
that were built back when people
still cared about character.

Flashing neon sign reads VACANCY.
COMPLETE COMFORT. POOL. FREE HBO.

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
A sea of knotty pine and desert motif.
Ray lies in bed fully-dressed
watching an old black and white movie on TV.

Smoking. Sipping a bottle of beer.
The phone RINGS. He answers it.

RAY
Hello?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. LOS ANGELES POLICE HEADQUARTERS - OFFICE - NIGHT
The small, dimly-lit office of an overworked,
underpaid robbery/homicide detective.

Piles of paperwork. File folders.
Document boxes on the floor.
Empty pizza box on a chair.

A tall, grey-haired COP
leans back in his chair,
talks on the phone.

Meet DARRYL ROOKER (40’s), fit.
In shape. Looks agitated.

Head of the special
‘Hazard Family’ task force.

DARRYL
It’s Rooker.
You sniff out anything?

RAY
Not yet.
The old man’s real slick.
Doesn’t trust me.

DARRYL
Why doesn’t that surprise me?

RAY
But I’ve gotta way to get close.
His granddaughter is staying with him.
Griff and Chelle’s kid.
(chuckles)
Wants to be heister.

DARRYL
No shit.

RAY
Yeah. Guess the apple doesn’t
fall far from the bank job.

DARRYL
How old?

RAY
Eighteen.

DARRYL
Hot?

RAY
Smokin.’

DARRYL
Careful. Keep your dick in your --

RAY
Don’t worry.
I’m not gonna fuck her.
I’m gonna USE her.
Get this -- she wants to be a heister,
but grandpa doesn’t wanna teach her.
So I offered to.

DARRYL
Watch out. You’re playing with fire.

RAY
But I gotta get close --

DARRYL
Yeah. But not TOO close.
They smell a rat,
and you’re history.
Doc Hazard is a legend.
Never been busted,
and he didn’t get that way
by letting an undercover dick
get too close.

RAY
Don’t worry. I’m being careful.

DARRYL
And stay away from the granddaughter.

RAY
From your lips to God’s ears.

They hang up.
Ray takes a sip of beer. Smiles.

RAY
Better watch out, little girl.
The big, bad wolf’s in town.

Breaking Bad

2012-01-24T10:14:00.000-08:00

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of BABY HEISTER, teenage wannabe bank robber Kelsey Hazard starts working at her job at the local convenience store, but when she gets robbed at gunpoint, the shit hits the fan ... and the ATM.

INT. STOP N’ GULP - DAY
Kelsey sits behind the counter.
Verne stands nearby showing her the ropes.
Beyond excited. Pointing out stuff.

VERNE
Now over there’s the baseball bat,
an over there’s the shotgun.

KELSEY
A SHOTGUN? Nice.

VERNE
You know how to handle one?

KELSEY
Of course.

VERNE
And remember, you don’t know
the combination to the safe.

KELSEY
You didn’t give it to me.

VERNE
I mean, in case someone
tries to rob you.

Kelsey nods. Blank stare.

VERNE
Well, that’s about it.
I’m gonna go to the bank, make a deposit.
(meaningfully)
I’ll come back and check on you later.

KELSEY
Gee. Can’t wait.

VERNE
I was thinkin’ -- when your shift ends,
how bout you and I gettin’ a bite to eat?

KELSEY
Oh, gosh. I can’t. I’m busy. Sorry.

VERNE
Another time. See ya later.

He tips his cap. Walks out the door.
The bell over the door JINGLES as he leaves.
Kelsey sighs. Lights up a smoke.

KELSEY
Thank fucking GOD.
(imitates him)
'How bout you and I gettin’ a bite to eat?'
In your dreams, fat ass.

The bell JINGLES. In walks Ray.
He sees Kelsey. Big grin.

RAY
Well, what have we got here?

KELSEY
Hey.

RAY
They let you smoke in here?

KELSEY
What does it look like?

He shakes his head.
Goes to the cooler.

Pulls out a twelve-pack of cheap beer.
Grabs some Slim Jims.

Brings them over to the counter.
Kelsey starts ringing them up.

RAY
You like working here?

KELSEY
What do YOU think?

RAY
Guess beggars can’t be choosers.

KELSEY
(looks at the register)
That’ll be twelve-fifty-three.

RAY
(hands her a bill)
Do any more thinking about my offer?

KELSEY
(takes it, counts out his change)
Doc told me to stay away from you.
Says you can’t be trusted.

RAY
You always do everything Doc tells you?

She stares at him.
Narrows her eyes.

KELSEY
Depends.

RAY
Ever shot a gun?
(off her blank stare)
Wanna learn?

KELSEY
(faint smile)
Hell, yeah --

RAY
What time you get off work?

KELSEY
Midnight.

The bell JINGLES. In walks Doc.

DOC
Thought I’d come by and see how --
(sees Ray)
I thought I told you to
STAY AWAY FROM HER.

RAY
Hey. I was just getting some beer.
I didn’t know she was --

DOC
Get the fuck out of here.
If I see you sniffin’ around her again,
there’ll be HELL to pay. You HEAR me?

OUTSIDE IN THE PARKING LOT
A shitty, beat-up puke green
Dodge Dart Swinger ROARS into the lot.
SCREECHES to a stop.

IN THE CAR
Sits a jittery young LOCAL KID (17),
all hopped up on meth.

Been up for days.
He pulls out a snifter.
SNORTS a bump. Then another.
Finishes a can of beer. CRUMPLES it.

Pulls out a small, shitty GUN.
Reaches up under his cowboy hat.
Pulls down a stocking over his face.

IN THE STORE
Doc gets in Ray’s face.

RAY
What are you gonna do,
old man? Hit me?

DOC
I tried asking you nicely.

The door BANGS OPEN.
In walks Meth Kid.

Sees Doc and Ray.
Starts waving the gun around.

METH KID
Everybody ON THE FLOOR.
This is a ROBBERY.

Doc and Ray raise their hands.

RAY
Okay, okay.
Just don’t hurt anybody --

METH KID
I said DOWN ON THE FLOOR, NOW.
DO IT. DO IT. NOW.

DOC
Easy now --

Doc and Ray start to get down -- and BANG.
Meth Kid’s head EXPLODES IN A RED MIST.
Blood and brains SPRAY the ATM.

KELSEY
Stands behind the counter.
Holding the shotgun. Surprised.

Quivering with adrenaline.
Staring at the body. In shock.

KELSEY
(whispers)
Holy shit.

DOC
You okay?

KELSEY
Okay?

RAY
She’s a natural.

DOC
Shut up.

The door JINGLES.
In walks a SHERIFF’S DEPUTY.

(20’s), young, eager,
a buzz-cut local kid.
The polar opposite of Meth.

BUZZ-CUT DEPUTY
(sees the body)
What the HELL?

DOC
Officer. That man
was trying to rob the store.
(nods at Kelsey)
And Kelsey here stopped him.

BUZZ-CUT DEPUTY
Well done, little lady.
(bends over, looks at the body)
Well, I’ll be. That’s Verne’s kid.

KELSEY
The OWNER?

DOC
What the hell?

BUZZ-CUT DEPUTY
Yeah. Verne reported him missing
a few days ago. Was on another binge.
(shakes his head)
Breaking Bad again --

Crazy As A Fox

2012-01-23T10:34:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's cold and wet and rainy here at the beach, but I've got just the thing to warm things up -- because it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of BABY HEISTER, after teenage wannabe bank robber Kelsey Hazard gets expelled from school for beating the shit out of a bully, her grandfather makes her get a job, which REALLY pisses her off ...

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Doc stares at Kelsey. Pointing at her.
Livid. Beyond upset.

DOC
God-DAMMIT, Kelsey.
How could you get expelled
ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL?

KELSEY
I told you.
It was self-defense.

DOC
You broke the kid’s NOSE.

KELSEY
He shoved me
UP AGAINST A WALL.
Called me a CUNT.

DOC
Then you cursed out
THE PRINCIPAL.
What the fuck, Kelsey?
What were you THINKING?

KELSEY
I told you.
I don’t WANNA
go to school.
I don’t BELONG there.
I wanna be a HEISTER.

DOC
We’ve already discussed this.

KELSEY
If YOU won’t teach me,
I found someone who WILL.

DOC
Oh? And who is that?

KELSEY
Ray Stark,
that guy at the wake.
Saw him again at
The Lounge last night.
Nice guy.
Offered to help me out.

DOC
I don’t trust him.
There’s something fishy about him.
Nobody at the funeral knew him.
I want you to stay away.

KELSEY
What if I say no?

DOC
If you’re gonna
live in MY house,
you stay away from him --
and get a JOB.

KELSEY
A JOB?

DOC
Well, if you’re
not gonna go to school,
you’re gonna have
to do SOMETHING.

KELSEY
What kinda job
can I get around HERE?

DOC
Drove by The Stop N’ Gulp today.
Saw a 'Help Wanted' sign.

KELSEY
The Stop N’ Gulp?
Are you fucking CRAZY?

DOC
Crazy as a fox, Kelsey.
(beat)
Crazy as a fox.

EXT. GAS STATION / CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY
A local filling station just off the freeway.
Been around forever, and looks it.

But the Stop N’ Gulp
next to it is a fairly new.

A sign reads
TWO FOR ONE BURRITOS.

Doc’s pickup drives in.
Parks in space right in front.

Kelsey gets out.
Looks at it with disgust.
Walks in.

INT. STOP N’ GULP - DAY
Some sappy country-and-western song
plays on an ancient boom box
behind the counter.

The usual rows of junk food.
Beer and soda behind glass cases.

Slurpee machine.
Tiny, shitty microwave
for heating up shit.

A small fan pushes around
the fetid air.

Sitting behind the counter
is VERNE (60’s), the manager.

Good ol’ boy from Louisiana.
Round, pleasant face. Big gut.

Right now he’s
reading a girlie magazine.
Eyes filled with lust.

A bell on the door JINGLES.
Kelsey walks in.

Walks up to the counter.
Leans against it.
Lowers her shades.

KELSEY
I’m here about the job.

Verne looks up. Holy shit.
He stares at her chest.

VERNE
Ever work in a convenience store?

KELSEY
Nope.

VERNE
Ever work a register?

KELSEY
I can learn.
How hard can it be?

VERNE
You’re hired.

Higher Learning

2012-01-20T09:45:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In chapter 5 of BABY HEISTER,

EXT. CHAPARRAL HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
Blinding bright sunlight.
Gorgeous mountains in the background.

A quaint, Spanish mission-style building
on well-tended grounds.
The exact opposite of ‘urban.’

STUDENTS stream into the building,
excited, chattering with each other
on the first day of the new school year.
They’re mostly fresh-scrubbed crunchy-granola types.

Kelsey appears at end of the walkway.
Looks out of place in her motorcycle jacket,
black jeans and boots.

She sighs. Stomps out her smoke.
Starts walking toward the building.

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
A bright, nicely appointed classroom
filled with kids.

WELCOME BACK is written on the green blackboard
in white chalk in perfect cursive lettering. An omen.

MRS. POTTS (50’s), the teacher,
is a plump earth mother of the desert.

And she’s got the Native American jewelry to prove it.
Not to mention the ‘dream catcher’ earrings.

MRS. POTTS
Good MORNING, class.
Welcome back to Chaparral High.
I know you’re all really excited
to be back for your senior year --

The door BANGS OPEN.
In walks Kelsey. Sullen.

Still wearing her shades.
She walks over. Hands Mrs. Potts a slip of paper.

MRS. POTTS
(reads it)
Ah, yes --
(to the class)
Everyone, this is Kelsey Hazard.
She’s just transferred here from Venice Beach.
I hope you’ll all make her feel real welcome.
(to Kelsey)
Why don’t you find a desk
and make yourself comfortable, Kelsey.

She nods. Starts walking
toward the back of the classroom.

A PAIR OF JOCKS
Watch her. Whisper to each other. Snickering.
One of them sticks his leg out to trip her.

KELSEY
Sees it out of the corner of her eye.
Approaches his desk.

STEPS on his foot with her steel-toed boot.
LINGERS a moment.

RED-FACED JOCK
OW.

KELSEY
Whoops. Sorry.
You should be more careful.
Someone could get HURT.

She PRESSES her full weight down,
steps off, and walks to an empty desk.
Sits. Smirking.

Mrs. Potts sees this. Gets upset.

MRS. POTTS
Johnny Rodman.
Is that any way to greet a new student?
Shame on you. Apologize to Kelsey, RIGHT NOW.

JOHNNY
(sarcastic)
Sorry, Kelsey.

KELSEY
(under her breath)
Not half as sorry as you’re gonna be
if you fuck with me again.

MRS. POTTS
What was that, Kelsey? I didn’t hear you.

KELSEY
I SAID -- not half as sorry as you’re gonna be
if you FUCK with me again.
(beat)
He tried to fucking TRIP me.
What kinda bullshit is that?

MRS. POTTS
I don’t know what kind of language
you got away with at Venice High,
but NOBODY talks like that in MY classroom.
Do you understand?

Kelsey nods. Gives her a salute.

KELSEY
Won’t happen again.
(whispers)
Bitch.

A couple of BLAND-LOOKING CHEERLEADER TYPES
lean over. Whisper to each other. Sniff disapprovingly.

MRS. POTTS
Very well.
(takes a breath)
Okay. Homework assignment.
I’d like you all to write an essay tonight
about what you did on your summer vacation.
And then tomorrow you’ll read them aloud
in front of the class.
(beat)
Doesn’t that sound like FUN?

INT. HIGH SCHOOL CORRIDOR - DAY
Kelsey walks down the corridor
weaving in and out of the stream of students.

Johnny Rodman and his HULKING FRIEND
appear in front of her. He SHOVES her.

JOHNNY
What the FUCK were you trying to pull?
Do you know who the FUCK I am?

KELSEY
(calm, cool)
Judging by your limited brain power, your attire --
and the fact that you’re a rude fuck,
I’d say you’re REALLY popular,
maybe even the football captain.

JOHNNY
Uh, yeah --

KELSEY
So let’s make a deal.
You stay the FUCK outta my face,
and I won’t fuck with yours.

HULKING BRUISER
Are you gonna let her GET AWAY with that?

A small crowd of students starts forming around them.

JOHNNY
WHAT did you say to me?

KELSEY
You heard me.

Johnny GRABS her.
SHOVES her up against a locker.

JOHNNY
NOBODY talks to me like that,
you fucking CUNT. GOT IT?

Kelsey sighs. Shakes her head sadly.

KELSEY
I warned you --

She grabs his hands,
THROWS them off her -- then,
almost faster than you can see,
she RABBIT-PUNCHES him in the face, SMACK.

He weaves a little.
Blood starts GUSHING out his nose.

JOHNNY
Uh --

Kelsey then POUNDS him in the stomach with a left,
then a right. He DOUBLES OVER in pain.

She reaches over. GRABS his hair.
Lifts his head. Looks him in the eye --

KELSEY
Hold on. Not quite done yet.

And KNEES him in the crotch.
He SQUEALS like an animal.
DROPS TO HIS KNEES.

Kelsey turns. Looks at his friend.

KELSEY
You want some?

HULKING BRUISER
Uh, no -- no.
(sees something)
Shit.

Just then THE PRINCIPAL (40’s) appears.
A really big fella. Beyond pissed off.
Face beet-red with suburban indignation.

PRINCIPAL
What’s going ON here?

KELSEY
What does it look like?
He was fucking with me,
so I fucked with him.

PRINCIPAL
There is NO FIGHTING in MY SCHOOL.
I want to see both of you in my office, RIGHT NOW --

Have Robbery, Will Travel

2012-01-19T13:40:00.000-08:00

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey Hazard tries to convince her grandfather Doc to teach her how to rob banks, but he refuses. She storms off into the night and goes to the local dive bar ... where she runs into Ray Stark, who says he's 'worked with' her heister parents, and offers to 'show her the ropes' ...

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Doc sits in ‘his chair.’
Kelsey sits on the couch, next to Jo, asleep.
They’re watching a movie on TV, eating popcorn.

ON THE SCREEN
We see a scene from Stanley Kubrick’s THE KILLING.
A gang of MASKED THUGS are robbing a race track.

Then, a station break.
Some LOCAL CAR SALESMAN comes on,
hawking 'prices nobody can beat.'

KELSEY
Looks at Doc.

KELSEY
So how come you don’t want me
to be in 'the family business?'

DOC
It’s a hard life, Kelsey.
It’s no place for a young woman.

KELSEY
But what if it’s what I wanna DO?
(off his look)
Nothing you can say is
gonna make me change my mind.

DOC
Oh, is that right?
What about what happened to your parents?

KELSEY
They were careless. I’ll be smart.
It’s in my blood, Doc. My DNA.
If I had to be cooped up in an office
doing some meaningless shit,
I’d fucking shoot myself.

DOC
You think it’s noble, cool --
like in those books you read.
But it’s not. It’s a living hell.
I still have to watch my back.
Even though I'm retired,
there's always a chance that someone
will turn up from the past and cause trouble.
Someone who thinks they got a raw deal --
or wants to steal my stake.
And then there's the law.
Any day now some cop
could come snooping around --
and I’ve gotta live with
that the rest of my life,
always looking over my shoulder.

KELSEY
But if you did it
and my PARENTS did it, why can’t --

DOC
Because I’m your legal guardian now,
and while you’re living in MY HOUSE,
you’re gonna go back to school and get your degree.
Tomorrow morning Jo is taking you
to school and get you registered.
I want you to have the chance
that none of us had. GOT it?

KELSEY
But I don’t wanna DO that.
It’s not FAIR.

DOC
FAIR? LIFE isn’t fair.
Griff and Chelle are DEAD. Is THAT fair?
(looks at the TV)
Now hush up. Movie’s coming back on.

Kelsey scowls. Face a dark cloud.

EXT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - NIGHT
The house and the yard look spooky.
Ethereal in the moonlight.
A harsh desert wind whips through the yard.

The front door OPENS. Out comes Kelsey.
Rakish in her usual uniform.

This time with a slash of red on her mouth.
She walks over to Doc’s pickup truck.
Gets in. Drives off.

EXT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT
The kinda joint only the locals hang out at.

A row of motorcycles gleam ominously
under the dirty, old neon sign that reads LOUNGE.
Faint music bleeds out from within.

Doc’s pickup pulls in.
Finds a space. Kelsey gets out.

SLAMS the door.
Saunters toward the entrance.

INT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT
Dark and smoky.
The kinda place your momma warned you about.

BLUE COLLAR WORKERS, BIKERS
and other assorted riffraff.
A pair of BRUISERS play pool.
Kinda quiet on a Sunday night.

Kelsey sidles up to the bar.
Slides onto a stool.

The FREAKISHLY LARGE BARTENDER spies her.
Comes over. Smiles. Not a pretty sight.

FREAKISHLY LARGE BARTENDER
Whataya have?

KELSEY
Double shot of Kessler’s. Heinekin back.

He nods. Turns to get her poison.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
I figured you’d be more of a
Jack and Bud kinda gal.

Kelsey, turns, sees --

RAY STARK
Sitting on the stool next to her.
Nursing a tumbler of scotch.

Eyes twinkling with mischief.
Or danger. Maybe both.

KELSEY
You’re the guy from the wake.

Freakishly Large serves her drink.
She slide over a bill.

He SNAPS it up in a meaty paw.
Lumbers over to the register.

RAY
'The guy from the wake.' Wow.
Nice to know I’m that memorable.

KELSEY
So I forgot your name.
Well, I’m SORRY, but when you just
went to your parents’ FUNERAL,
sometimes your MEMORY’S not so GOOD.

She grabs her shot glass.
POUNDS it. Grabs her beer.

Takes a big gulp. Turns around,
facing the other direction.

RAY
Hey, I’m sorry.
I was just busting your chops.
You had a stressful day.
Probably met a lot of corny,
old colorful criminal types.
I’d be cranky, too.

Kelsey turns back.
Narrows her eyes.
Is this guy for real?

RAY (CONT’D)
Let me buy you a round.
Make it up to you. No hard feelings?
(raises his drink, low)
One heister to another --

Her eyes flicker.

KELSEY
Okay.
(trying to be casual)
So you used to work with my parents?

Ray motions to the bartender for another round.
Pulls out a pack of smokes.
Lights one up with a CLICK of his Zippo.

RAY
Long time ago.
When they were first starting out.
Did a couple jobs with them.

KELSEY
Wow. Cool.

RAY
First and only time I worked
with a married couple --

KELSEY
What were they like to work with?

RAY
Total pros. Cool as cucumbers.
(sips his drink)
Is it true they never got caught --
until the last job?

KELSEY
Yeah. My grandfather, too.
(sips her beer)
He’s retired now.
But I guess you knew that.

RAY
(nods)
So I guess you’re now living with him --

KELSEY
Yeah. And it fucking sucks.
I asked him to teach me, but he refused.
He’s making me finish school.
I’d rather fucking DIE.

Ray’s eyes flicker.
He takes a long sip of his cocktail.

Takes a drag of his cigarette.
Squints through the smoke.

RAY
Maybe one of these days
I could show you a thing or two.

KELSEY
You mean it?

RAY
From where I sit, it looks like
you’ve already got your mind made up --
and nothing’s gonna stop you.

Kelsey smiles.
It lights up her face
like we haven’t seen.

KELSEY
Damn straight.
(beat)
Thanks, uh --

RAY
Ray Stark, at your service.
(beat)
Have robbery, will travel.

A Fine Filly

2012-01-18T10:40:00.000-08:00

There's A Riot Going On

2012-01-17T10:55:00.000-08:00

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of BABY HEISTER, Griff and Chelle Hazard rob The First National Bank of California in downtown Los Angeles, but their diversions start a riot. Meanwhile, their daughter Kelsey grills her grandparents about her family's secrets ... only to find them out in a most horrifying way ...

EXT. DOWNTOWN CITY STREET - DUSK
The armored car stops at a red light.

EXT. AERIAL VIEW OF LOS ANGELES - DUSK
All the lights in the city SHUT OFF.

INT. ARMORED CAR - DUSK
Zvi looks up from his laptop. Smiles eagerly.

ZVI
Let there be DARK.

IN THE FRONT
Griff looks out the window.
Sees the lights are out.

GRIFF
(into his headset)
Copy that, Eagle.
(to Gino)
Better get a move on.
Traffic’s about to clusterfuck.

Gino nods. STEPS on it.
They LURCH into the intersection.

IN THE BACK
Chelle nods at Zvi.

CHELLE
Commence phases two, three and four.

ZVI
Rockets red glare, coming right up.

His fingers start FLYING across the keyboard.

EXT. UNION STATION - DUSK
A giant EXPLOSION on the front lawn.

A GIANT CLOUD OF BLACK SMOKE
envelopes the building.
Pedestrians RUN, screaming.

INT. UNION STATION - CONTINUOUS
People inside SCREAM. DUCK for cover.

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - DUSK
Complete bedlam. Officers answer phones.
Work computers.
Trying to get control of the situation.

FRONT DESK OFFICER
(on the phone)
I don’t KNOW if it’s connected.
Just send units to Union Station, NOW.

IN THE ARMORED CAR
Zvi looks at Chelle. Gives a thumbs up.

ZVI
Go Metro GONE.

EXT. CITY HALL - DUSK
An enormous EXPLOSION
rocks the front of the building.

A GIANT CLOUD OF BLACK SMOKE
starts enveloping the area.

ZVI (O.C.)
Just fought City Hall --

EXT. STAPLES CENTER - DUSK
A HUGE EXPLOSION rocks the front of the building
with a GIANT CLOUD OF BLACK SMOKE.
Pedestrians RUN and SCREAM.

ZVI (O.C.)
Swish.

IN THE ARMORED CAR
Zvi looks at Chelle. Smiles.

ZVI (CONT'D)
We have a trifecta.

EXT. DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES - CITY STREET - NIGHT
There’s a RIOT going on. Complete mayhem.
LOOTERS smash windows.

RUN down the street with stolen goods.
A GANG-BANGER throws a MOLOTOV COCKTAIL
at a police car. It EXPLODES.

EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT
The armored car turns a corner.

IN THE ARMORED CAR
Griff speaks into his headset.

GRIFF
Eagle, this is Houston.
Prepare for impact. Over.

IN THE REAR
Chelle nods. Speaks into her headset.

CHELLE
Copy that. Over.
(to the rest)
Buckle up. It’s gonna be a bumpy heist.

Everyone SNAPS on shoulder harnesses
that crisscross their torsos.

Pull their caps down over their faces
until they become ski masks.
One by one, they give a thumbs up.

EXT. BANK - NIGHT
The First National Bank of California.
A beautiful building.

Facade is two stories
of shiny glass and mirrors.

EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT
The armored car pulls up in front of the bank,
looks like it’s going to park,
but instead makes a turn,
BUMPS over the curb -- ACCELERATES --
and starts HEADING RIGHT TOWARD IT.

IN THE FRONT
Gino and Griff slip on MOTORCYCLE HELMETS.

IN THE BACK
Everyone BRACES for the impact.

EXT. BANK - NIGHT
The armored car reaches the facade, and --
IN SLOW MOTION -- CRASHES THROUGH with a BANG.
Glass and debris go FLYING.

INT. BANK - NIGHT
BANK CUSTOMERS RUN for cover. SCREAM.
The armored car stops.

The doors FLY OPEN.
Everyone PILES OUT.
Gripping automatic weapons.

Griff blasts a SPRAY OF BULLETS
at the ceiling.

GRIFF
This is a ROBBERY.
Do WHAT WE SAY -- and NOBODY GETS HURT.
(looks around)
Got it?

Everyone nods, terrified.
Chelle spins around in a slow circle,
aiming her Uzi at them.

CHELLE
Everyone down on the ground, NOW.

ZVI
Sits down at a loan officer’s desk.
Flips open his laptop.

The emergency generator kicks in.
The lights TURN ON.

ZVI
That didn’t take TOO long.
(fingers work the keyboard)
Sorry, Charlie.
Only the real tuna
gets to be star-fucked.

And the POWER SHUTS DOWN.

ATLAS
Approaches the teller windows,
pointing his Uzi with one hand.

Duffle bag in the other.
Evil smile behind the mask.

He THROWS the bag at a
SCARED SHITLESS FEMALE TELLER.

ATLAS
No tricks, no dye-packs,
or you’ll DIE. GOT IT?
(of her terrified nod)
In the bag there’s more bags.
Give ‘em to the other tellers --
and start EMPTYING YOUR DRAWERS.

GRIFF
Waves his Uzi across everyone on the floor.

GRIFF
Which one of you is the manager?

A SHORT GUY WEARING A SUIT AND GLASSES
raises his hand.

SHORT GUY IN SUIT AND GLASSES
I am.

GRIFF
Let’s go take a trip to the vault.

ON THE STREET IN FRONT
A JAPANESE GANG ON MOTORCYCLES drives by,
bikes dripping with stolen loot.

They SCREECH to a halt.
Turn their heads.

JAPANESE GANG LEADER
Sees what’s happening.
Turns to his Second-In-Command.

JAPANESE GANG LEADER
Looks like our lucky day.

SECOND-IN-COMMAND
Me rob you long time.

They pull out AUTOMATIC WEAPONS
strapped to their backs.

HIT THE GAS and ROAR TOWARD THE BANK.

INT. BANK - NIGHT
Just as Griff walks Bank Manager past Chelle,
the gang SQUEALS into the bank
and starts FIRING at everybody.

Griff and Bank Manager get
SHREDDED TO RIBBONS.

Atlas and Zvi RUN.
Chelle gets HIT
with MACHINE GUN SPRAY.

Her body JERKS like a puppet
in a dance of death.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - NIGHT
Doc, Jo and Kelsey sit at the kitchen table,
the remains of dinner strewn about.
Having pie and coffee.

KELSEY
You can deny it all you want,
but I know the truth.
I found your scrapbook.

DOC
What scrapbook?

KELSEY
The one under your mattress.

DOC
What were you doing SNOOPING
around in my bedroom?

KELSEY
I was looking for your stash.
I hadn’t found a connection yet.
(big smile)
You were quite the heister.

Doc stares. Speechless.
The phone RINGS. Jo gets up.

JO
I’ll get it.
(answers it, listens)
Oh my god.
(turns and looks)
Doc?

DOC
What’s wrong?

JO
Griff and Chelle --

KELSEY
(turns white)
What.

JO
They’re dead.
(looks at Kelsey)
They were -- trying to rob a bank.

The Dirty City Of Angels

2012-01-16T09:32:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Some of you might have read THE HEISTERS here on the blog. It's the story of Kelsey Hazard, a forty-year-old, tough-talking professional thief (or 'heister' in the vernacular) who pulls off a big job, only to have someone steal the dough. The story goes back and forth from flashbacking to the robbery and then to the present, where she and her band of heisters try to figure out who robbed them. It's a cool story, if I say so myself.

And just like I did with Carrie Love, I fell in love with this character, and wanted to write another story about her. And then it hit me. How did a hot chick like Kelsey BECOME a heister? What was her family background like?

Here's your chance to find out. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Chapter 1 of BABY HEISTER, where we meet an eighteen-year-old Kelsey Hazard, and find out why she chose a life of crime.

Or did it choose her?

EXT. RANCH - DUSK
TITLE CARD READS: OJAI, CALIFORNIA 1990.
It’s magic hour in the desert.

The mid-summer heat shimmers
in rippling waves in the air.
The crops. The blacktop road.

A small ranch in a green valley.
Giant mountains behind it.
Can you say 'incredible view?'

Old, Spanish mission style house. Big barn.
Rustic pickup truck parked in the drive.

In the distance, a deep blue lake
glows in the fading light.

It’s picture-postcard time, folks.
Doesn’t get much more gorgeous
and idyllic than this.

EXT. LAKE - DUSK
A young WOMAN (18) lies on
an inner tube reading a book,
lazily floating on the water.

She takes a hit from a joint.
Holds it in. EXHALES.
Turns the page. Riveted.

Meet KELSEY HAZARD, tomboy deluxe.
Pretty, but she’s done everything
she can to hide it.

Her long, sleek black hair
tied tight in a ponytail.
Baseball cap. Shades. Bare lips.

The problem is the tiny bikini
she’s almost wearing.

Her killer figure undulates
around her tall, lean frame. Ouch.

A TALL, OLDER GUY (60)
walks out on the rickety wooden pier.

Meet DOC HAZARD, her grandfather.
Looks like your typical old cowboy.

Except for the Grateful Dead T-shirt
and biker boots.

DOC
Supper’s almost ready.

KELSEY
(eyes on the book)
Be right there.
Just let me finish this chapter.

DOC
(under his breath)
Goddamn crime novels.
If she’d only be as interested
in her school books --

EXT. LOS ANGELES - TEN FREEWAY - DUSK
Clogged with rush hour traffic
heading west toward the beach.

But not so much heading east
into downtown LA.

We see an ARMORED CAR
heading that way in sparse traffic.

It reaches an off ramp, turns,
then starts descending into
the dirty City of Angels.

INT. ARMORED CAR - DUSK
Behind the wheel sits GINO CONTI (30’s).
Wiry. Dark-haired. Dark-skinned.

He smiles, chewing on a toothpick.
Turns and looks at the HULKING BRUTE
sitting in the passenger seat.

GINO
Look at that sky. Beautiful.
In the cinema they call it 'magic hour.'

GUY
In my book, they call it 'money hour.'

Meet GRIFF HAZARD (40), heister extraordinaire.
And Kelsey's father.

Built like a block of granite.
Face like a potato.

Eyes burning with purpose.
Intense. Mouth a cruel dark slash.

GINO
You wrote book?
What is it about?

Griff stares ahead.
Silent. Watching the road.

IN THE REAR COMPARTMENT
Sits CHELLE HAZARD (39), Griff’s wife.
A gorgeous brunette.

Curvy goblet of sin poured
into a leather catsuit.

Armed to the gills. Packing, too.
She speaks into a headset.

CHELLE
Come in, Houston.
This is The Eagle.
Are we cleared for landing? Over.

GRIFF’S
Eyes flicker. Approach a smile.
Don’t quite make it.

GRIFF
(into his headset)
This is Houston.
Approaching our target in --
(looks at his watch)
T-minus two minutes. Over.

CHELLE
Smiles grimly. Nods.

CHELLE
Copy that, Houston. Over.

Sitting to her left is HELMUT WOLF (40’s),
expert marksman, German expat.
Dolph Lundgren, without the looks.

HELMUT
I still don’t like space travel names.
Is too silly.

CHELLE
That’s funny.
I don’t remember asking your opinion.

Sitting to her right is ATLAS DEMO (30’s),
medium-height, barrel-chested.
Jet-black hair. Third generation Greek.

ATLAS
Don’t listen to him.
It’s fucking genius.
Anybody hears us,
they don’t know what
the fuck we’re talking about.

ZVI ROZEN (20’s),
Israeli computer hacker extraordinaire.
Hunched over an old-school
briefcase-sized laptop. Looks up.

ZVI
(to Helmut)
You just have chip on shoulder
because you came in job late
because someone dropped out.
You should be GRATEFUL,
not ruining vibe.

CHELLE
Enough bickering.
We need to work as a team, GOT IT?

Helmut and Zvi glare at each other.
Reluctantly nod.

Zvi returns to his laptop.
Starts briskly typing out commands.

CHELLE
(to Zvi)
All set with the power grid?

ZVI
(smiles, gives a thumbs-up)
Like taking electricity from a baby.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DUSK
Right out of Norman Rockwell.
Enough knickknacks and quaint furnishings
to choke Martha Stewart.

Doc and Kelsey sit at the table
waiting for dinner to be served.

DOC
You do any more thinking
about going back to school?

KELSEY
Why the fuck would I do that?

DOC
Not having a diploma kinda limits
the kinda jobs you can get.

KELSEY
Not if I’m gonna be a heister.

DOC
A heister?
Where on earth did you --

Doc’s wife JO (60) approaches the table
with a big tray of food.

Once a great beauty, now a bit faded,
but still tough, with the twinkling eyes
of a con artist. Which she was.

JO
Dinner’s served.

She sets it down. Sits.
Doc and Kelsey help themselves.

DOC
Thanks, honey. This looks great.

JO
So how was your day, Kelsey?

KELSEY
Okay, I guess.

DOC
Kelsey’s thinking about
taking up a life of crime.

JO
Is that so.

KELSEY
If it’s good enough
for Griff and Chelle --

DOC
Now where did you get that idea?
Your parents are in sales.

KELSEY
(snorts)
Yeah, GUN sales --

Two Bullets, No Waiting

2012-01-13T10:40:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday the 13th. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In the final chapter of LITTLE GIRL BLUE ... we reach the ultra-violent conclusion of our story, where ... well, hell. I'm not gonna spoil it. Read 'em and weep ...

EXT. MARGO'S ESTATE - BACK YARD - NIGHT
Carrie moves from tree to tree
on her way toward the pool house.

She sees Gero and Mad Dog.
Hears them shouting.

CARRIE
Here goes nothing.
(checks her gun)
Two bullets, no waiting.

INT. BASEMENT - SECRET ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Tolly’s tied to a chair. Looks royally pissed off.
Eva holds a gun on him. Margo naps.

ANGLE ON:
We see that Tolly is
loosening the rope on his wrists.

EVA
Shakes her pistol at him. Eyes burning.

EVA
How dare you invade this home.
And on Christmas.
You should be ashamed of yourself.

TOLLY
Shut up, you OLD BAT.
You don’t know nothin’ about NOTHIN.'

EVA
Keep your voice down.
Can’t you see she’s sleeping?

Tolly stands up. RIPS the ropes apart.

TOLLY
I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU.

The noise wakes Margo.
She raises her gun.

Tolly LUNGES at Eva.
She SHOOTS him.

Gets him in the shoulder.
He STOPS, startled. LUNGES at Eva again.

Margo SHOOTS him three times in the chest.
BANG. BANG. BANG. He falls over, dead.

EVA
Oh my god.

MARGO
Holy shit.

They look at each other.

EVA
Nice shooting.

MARGO
(looks at the gun)
I can’t believe I just did that.

EVA
We should call Bernie on the walkie talkie.

MARGO
You call. I’m kinda tired.
(closes her eyes)
Nice shooting yourself.

EVA
You’re not such a tough nut after all.

MARGO
Keep it under your hat.
Now let me get some sleep.
My ears are still ringing.

And she goes out.
Starts lightly snoring.

Eva shake her head.
She picks up the walkie. Presses TALK.

EVA
Hello, Bernie? This is Eva. Are you there?

INT. POOL HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
Bernie lifts the curtain, peers out the front window.
Then looks at Seth and Blue, standing by the back door.
He nods. They quietly creep outside.

The walkie SQUAWKS to life.
Bernie answers it. Listens.

BERNIE
You WHAT? Really? Margo did? Holy shit.
(listens)
Stay where you are.
We’ll come get you. Hold on tight.

OUTSIDE
Gero and Mad Dog huddle by
the side of the front door.

MAD DOG
I say we blast the fucking shit out of ‘em.
I’m fucking FREEZING.

GERO
No. No guns. Let me think.

CARRIE (O.C.)
Gee, I dunno. That could be dangerous.

GERO
(looks)
What the -- ?

Carrie stands next to a nearby tree.
Points her gun at them.

CARRIE
Drop your weapons, NOW.

Mad Dog reaches for his piece.
Carrie SHOOTS him in the forehead.
BANG. He goes down. THWUNK.

Gero TAKES OFF, runs around
the side of the pool house.

Carrie CHASES after him.

CARRIE (CONT’D)
Goddammit, come BACK HERE.

IN THE WINDOW
Bernie watches.

BERNIE
Shit.

He opens the door. RACES outside.

OUTSIDE IN THE SECURITY CAR
Fish puts down the flask. Cocks his head.

FISH
That was a gunshot.
I better go help.

He opens the car door. Gets out.
Weaves a little.

FISH (CONT’D)
Damn. I need to eat somethin.’

And he heads off toward the house.

IN THE BACK
Blue and Seth creep around the corner,
holding their guns.

Gero RUNS right into them.
They topple over, HIT the ground.

Gero PISTOL WHIPS Seth. He GRABS Blue.

GERO
I’ve got you NOW, little girl.

Blue tries to FIGHT back,
but Gero GRABS her wrists in one hand.
Holds his gun to her head in the other.

GERO (CONT’D)
Hold still or I’ll blow your fucking head off.

CARRIE
Races toward Gero and LEAPS on top of him.
GRABS the gun from his hand. WHACKS him on the head.

Incensed, Blue JUMPS UP. Starts KICKING HIM.

BLUE
MOTHERFUCKER!

BERNIE
RUNS over. Sees what’s going on.

BERNIE
Stop her. She’s gonna hurt him.

CARRIE
Let her get it out of her system.

BLUE
You KILLED MY SISTER.

She continues to wail on Gero.
He raises his hands in protest.
Taking her full wrath.

Seth gets up. Shakes his head.
Brushes off the snow.

SETH
(watches Blue)
Whoah. Hell hath no fury.

BERNIE
(to Carrie)
I got a call from Eva.
You’re not gonna believe this --

CARRIE
Try me on for size.

BERNIE
You know the other goon?

CARRIE
That would be Tolly Chill.
The strip club manager.

BERNIE
Your MOTHER shot him. He’s dead.

CARRIE
Holy Oedipus complex.
(beat)
Guess I didn’t fall
far from the tree after all.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Nobody MOVE. Or I’ll --
(hiccups)
SHOOT.

FISH
Walks toward the group.
Gun aimed at Carrie and Bernie.

FISH
Let him go.

Blue pulls out her gun and SHOOTS.
Gets him in the belly.

A red stain starts forming on his uniform.

FISH (CONT’D)
You fucking SHOT me.
You’re just -- a GIRL.

She FIRES again. BANG. BANG. BANG.
Gets him in the head.
He falls backwards into the snow.

BLUE
Who you calling a GIRL?

She PUMPS a few more shots in him.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

BLUE (CONT’D)
MOTHERFUCKER.

BERNIE
Think he’s dead now.

CARRIE
Feels good, doesn’t it.

BLUE
It’s a start.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - PRIVATE SECURITY CAR - AT THAT MOMENT
A police cruiser pulls up behind the empty car.
Two UNIFORMED OFFICERS get out.
Walk over and inspect it.

HOT FEMALE OFFICER
(shines a flashlight)
Yeah. It’s empty.

Loud BANGING from the trunk.

GRIZZLED VET OFFICER
What the fuck?

Hot Female goes to the trunk. Opens it.

IN THE TRUNK
Lies Tip. In his underwear.
Trussed up like a pig. Shivering.

TIP
Officers -- boy am I glad to see you.
(weak smile)
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - DINING ROOM - DAWN
Some super-cool jazz rendition of a Christmas classic over --

The first rays of light stream in through the windows.
Carrie, Bernie, Seth and Blue sit at the large table.

Also seated are the two cops,
and Tip, bundled up in a blanket.

HOT FEMALE OFFICER
This is really nice of you.

GRIZZLED VET OFFICER
Yeah, thanks. Sure smells great.
(smiles)
We’ll take your statements after we eat.
Fuck the chief if he can’t deal with it.

HOT FEMALE OFFICER
Besides, the crime scene techs
have a lot of ground to cover.

Eva wheels Margo into the room
holding a huge tray of food.

MARGO
This’ll give you guys a start.
I didn’t have enough eggs for everybody --

EVA
So we improvised.

MARGO
Eva added MILK. And CHEESE. Brilliant.

EVA
Old German trick.

They start serving the food.
Everyone digs in.

CARRIE
(to Bernie)
About that -- thing that happened in the tunnel --

BERNIE
Never happened. Mum’s the word.
(hands her a plate)
Roll?

She takes one. Smiles. WOLFS it down.

BLUE
(to Seth)
So I was thinking --

SETH
(eating)
Yeah? About what.

BLUE
Well, if we could think of this
as our first date,
we could get it out of the way.

SETH
Get what out of the way.

BLUE
This.

PUSH IN ON Blue. She leans over.
Kisses him.

They fall into each other’s arms.

FADE TO BLACK

[COMING ON MONDAY -- BABY HEISTER]

The Pleasure's All Yours

2012-01-12T10:48:00.000-08:00

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 28 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, it's the next-to-last chapter as we hurtle toward the exciting conclusion of our story, where Carrie Love and Blue Wonder are about to have their final face-off with Tolly Chill and his goons ...

INT. MARGO'S ESTATE - POOL HOUSE - NIGHT
Blue and Seth RACE in, followed by Bernie.
He SLAMS the door. Locks it.

Pulls out his gun.
Seth holds up his rifle.

BERNIE
(to Seth)
You cover the door.
I’ll check the windows.

BLUE
But I don’t have a gun.

Bernie reaches into his boot.
Pulls out a small 22 caliber.

BERNIE
Now you do.

INT. BASEMENT - SECRET ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Carrie stands in the tunnel entrance.
Looks at Tolly.

His semi-automatic weapon aimed
at her mother. Eva. Layla.

TOLLY
Detective Love.
I’m so glad you could join us.

CARRIE
The pleasure’s all yours, asshole.

TOLLY
Now is that any way
to greet someone on Christmas?

CARRIE
Ho fucking ho, fuck-face.
(pulls out her gun)
You touch one hair on my mother’s head,
and you’re getting a lump of coal up your ass.

Tolly walks over to Layla.
Places the gun against her head.

LAYLA
(freaking out)
No, PLEASE. Please don’t SHOOT ME.

TOLLY
(to Carrie)
Drop the rod,
or I blow Selma Hayek’s brains out.

CARRIE
You blow her head off,
I blow off yours.

LAYLA
NO.

EVA
Carrie --

Tolly WHIPS another gun
out of his pocket.
Aims it at Carrie.

TOLLY
Forgot to mention I’m ambidextrous.
Drop it, hot stuff -- NOW.

Carrie drops her gun.
It CLATTERS to the floor.

Tolly SHOOTS Layla in the head.
BANG. Blood SPRAYS.
She HITS the floor.

Eva SCREAMS.

TOLLY (CONT’D)
Now kick the fucking gun OVER HERE.

Carrie KICKS the gun across the floor.
Tolly watches it SPIN.

In a flash, she KICKS him in the crotch, OOF.
He doubles over in pain.

He FIRES his gun. BANG. Misses her.
Eva SCREAMS again.

Margo opens her eyes,
and deftly JAMS her stun gun in Tolly’s side.
BZZZZZZZZZZ! 300 watts of electricity
ROAR through his body.
He dances like a marionette.

Carrie SOCKS him in the jaw with a hard left. CRACK.
He HITS the floor, THWUNK. Out cold.

CARRIE
Motherfucker.

Everyone stares at Tolly. Then Layla.

EVA
Oh my god. That -- poor girl.

MARGO
I’ve never seen someone -- shot before.

Carrie picks up her gun.
Puts it in her waistband. Gets Tolly’s.
Hands one to Eva. The other to Margo.

EVA
What are we supposed to do with these?

CARRIE
(gets his walkie)
I’ve got to go see if Blue is okay.
You two keep him covered.
If he does ANYTHING,
don’t hesitate to shoot.
(hands it her)
Call Bernie on this if anything happens.
He has another one.

MARGO
Why don’t we just shoot the bastard now?

CARRIE
It’s against the law.
(takes a breath)
Okay. I gotta go.

MARGO
Be careful, Carrie.

CARRIE
I always am.

She goes to the tunnel. Stops. Turns.

CARRIE (CONT’D)
I love you, mom.

PUSH IN ON Margo. In shock.

MARGO
I -- love you, too.

EXT. POOL HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
Gero stands at the door.
BANG-BANG-BANGS on it with his gun.

GERO
GIVE IT UP, we’ve got you OUTNUMBERED.
Open the door, or we’re COMING IN.

INT. POOL HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Seth and Blue crouch behind the sofa, guns aimed.
Bernie leans against the wall near the door.

BERNIE
BULLSHIT. There’s three of US and two of YOU.
It’s a STALEMATE, motherfucker.

OUTSIDE
Mad Dog looks at Gero.

MAD DOG
Shit. What are we gonna do, boss?

GERO
I’m thinking, I’m thinking.

INSIDE
Bernie looks at Seth and Blue.

BERNIE
What are they doing?
Why aren’t they shooting at us?

SETH
Because gunshots will call attention to them.
Somebody will call the cops.

BLUE
I’ve got an idea.

BERNIE
YOU’VE got an idea.

BLUE
Yeah, listen -- there’s a back door.
Why don’t Seth and I sneak around
and surprise them?

BERNIE
No way.
Do you know how dangerous that is?

BLUE
Duh. You got a better idea?

SETH
I say let’s do it.

BERNIE
I can’t let you do that. It’s crazy.
You’re the one they’re after.

BLUE
That’s why they won’t expect it.
You keep them distracted,
and we’ll sneak up behind ‘em.
(beat)
Saw it in a Lifetime movie.

BERNIE
Well, if it was in a Lifetime movie --

No One Fucks With Me On Christmas

2012-01-11T10:58:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 27 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, just as Carrie and Bernie -- and then Seth and Blue -- escape from the tunnels, they discover that white slave trafficker Tolly Chill and his goons have captured Carrie's mother, Margo, who's now unconscious in her wheelchair ...

INT. NORTH TUNNEL - NIGHT
Layla pushes Margo in the wheelchair.
Eva follows, rifle on her shoulder. Marching.

LAYLA
The agency never told me about this.

EVA
Always something going on with this family.
(beat)
You have anyone expecting you home tonight?

LAYLA
Just my cat, Pepe.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Stop right where you are,
or I’ll fucking SHOOT.

The women turn, look.
Tolly walks toward them, gun in hand.

TOLLY
Drop the rifle, Blondie,
and put ‘em where I can see ‘em.

Eva drops the gun.
It hits the floor, CLACK. Puts ‘em up.

TOLLY (CONT’D)
(points at Layla)
You too, Chiquita Banana.
(beat)
What’s up with the old broad?

EXT. BACK YARD - AT THAT MOMENT
A manhole cover opens up in the ground.
Out comes Seth, then Blue.

They look around,
shivering in the cold snow.

BLUE
It’s FREEZING.

He takes off his hoodie.
Puts it on her.

SETH
This should warm you up.

BLUE
Th-thanks.

SETH
(points)
The pool house is over there.
Follow me.

He grabs her hand,
and they DASH off in the snow.

INT - POOL HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
A door opens up in the floor.
It’s SHOVED to the side.

Hits the floor with a THUD.
Carrie, then Bernie come up the stairs.
Stop. Look around.

CARRIE
This is the pool house.

BERNIE
How do you know?

CARRIE
I was here earlier tonight.
(beat)
God, that seems like a year ago --

Carrie’s walkie talkie CRACKLES to life.

TOLLY (O.C.)
Detective Carrie Love --

CARRIE
That you, Chill?

TOLLY (O.C.)
Better get your ass back here.
Got some old broad in a wheelchair with me.
Hate to see anything bad happen to her.

CARRIE
Don’t TOUCH HER.
(whispers to Bernie)
He’s got my mother.

BERNIE
Shit.

TOLLY (O.C.)
Got a couple of other ladies, too.
But no Little Girl Blue. She with you?

CARRIE
She’s GONE, asshole.
You’re too late.
She went down the other tunnel.

TOLLY
Aha. Well, my associates
will catch up with her soon.
(beat)
Now get your ass back to the basement,
if you know what’s good for you.
And the old lady.

CARRIE
Don’t you DARE touch a hair on her HEAD.
I’m on my way.
(clicks it off, to Bernie)_
You go find Blue and Seth.

BERNIE
I should come with you.

CARRIE
BERNIE. That YOUNG GIRL and
MY BROTHER are out there.
You gotta find them,
make sure they’re okay.
(hands him the walkie)
Here, take this.
I’ll get that asshole’s
walkie after I kill him.

BERNIE
You’re awfully confident.

CARRIE
He’s got my MOTHER.
(beat)
And NO ONE fucks with me on CHRISTMAS.

INT. BASEMENT - SECRET ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Tolly faces Margo, Eva and Layla.
Points his gun at them.

Watches Margo sleeping peacefully.
The IV drip.

TOLLY
What’s wrong with the old broad?

EVA
Carrie’s mother had a stroke.
Please don’t hurt her.

TOLLY
That’s her MOTHER?
I’ve died and gone to HEAVEN.
(laughs)
Best hostage I ever had.

PUSH IN ON Margo.
One eye opens a tiny bit. Then closes.

EXT. POOL HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
It’s stopped snowing. All is quiet.

Bernie races toward the pool house.
Seth and Blue come outside. See him.
They run toward each other.

BERNIE
You’re okay.

BLUE
Where’s Carrie?

SETH
And my mom and Eva?

BERNIE
(to Seth)
They’ve been captured.
But Carrie’s on her way to save them.
Don’t worry, they’ll be okay.

BLUE
Holy SHIT.

SETH
Don’t WORRY?

BERNIE
You don’t know Carrie.
If you saw the look on her face --
(motions to the pool house)
C’mon, let’s go inside.
I have a feeling we’re
about to expect company.

GERO AND MAD DOG
Appear at the end of the property.
See them.

GERO
You there!
Stay where you are or we’ll SHOOT.

BERNIE, SETH AND BLUE
Hear him. Look.

BERNIE
LET’S GO.

And they DASH into the pool house.

Open Sesame

2012-01-10T10:48:00.000-08:00

Here's Looking At You, Kid

2012-01-09T10:42:00.000-08:00

Tis The Season

2012-01-06T10:49:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 24 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, as private eye Carrie Love and her ex-husband, homicide detective Bernie Keko head down the secret underground tunnel to escape from Tolly Chill and his goons, they share a tender, if confusing, moment together ...

INT. MARGO'S MANSION - BASEMENT - NIGHT
Carrie looks at a door at the end of the bar.

CARRIE

Where does this go?
MARGO
Into the regular basement.
But you can’t see it from the other side.

CARRIE
Gotcha. And the tunnels?

MARGO
Go to the fireplace.
Pull on the first poker on the left.

Carrie walks over. Grabs the poker,
pulls it like a lever.

The fireplace SLIDES TO THE LEFT,
revealing a pair of tunnels
that split off at forty-five degree angles.

CARRIE
Holy shit.

MARGO
Hey, if it was good enough for Capone.

CARRIE
Where do they go?

MARGO
God, I can’t remember -- it’s been so long.
I think one goes to the pool house,
and the other to the back end of the property --
(beat)
I think.

BERNIE
Are they safe?

MARGO
Hell if I know. I’ve never gone in them.

CARRIE
I say we break up into two groups and check them out.
(to Bernie)
Bernie and I will check out the one on the left,
and Seth and Blue can check out the one on the right.
Sound like a plan?

BERNIE
Can’t wait.

SETH
(looks at Blue)
Fine with me.

BLUE
(looks at Seth)
Yeah.

EVA
What about me?

CARRIE
You stay and protect Margo.

EVA
Okay --

MARGO
Somebody kill me now,
because I’m already in hell.

EXT. GERO’S LIMO - NIGHT
Tip sits between Strange-Looking and Ugly,
Muscled in the back seat.
Strange has a gun on him.

TIP
I’m not telling you.

Strange CRACKS him on the head with the gun.

TIP (CONT’D)
OW!

STRANGE-LOOKING GOON
So you wanna PLAY, huh? Alright, let’s play.
WHAT’S THE ADDRESS?

He WHACKS him again.

TIP
1600 Sunset Boulevard!
Please don’t HIT ME again!

STRANGE-LOOKING GOON
See? That wasn’t so hard.
And I don’t have to hit you no more.

Gero picks up the walkie. Speaks into it.

GERO
Tolly, you there?

TOLLY (O.C.)
Yeah, pop. What’s up?

GERO
We got the address, found ourselves a rent-a-cop.
Got him in the car, for insurance.

TOLLY (O.C.)
Nice. Hurry on over.
Come in the front door, it’s open.

INT. BASEMENT - STAIRS - CONTINUOUS
Tolly’s at the top of the stairs with Mick.

TOLLY
(on his walkie)
We’ll be down in the basement.
Think we got ‘em trapped down there.

IN THE LIMO
Gero turns to Strange-Looking.

GERO
Fish, you put on Bozo’s uniform and drive his car.
Put him in the trunk. This way we’ve got someone
on the outside to watch out for us.

TIP
Hey, wait a minute --

Ugly, Muscled PUNCHES Tip in the face, CRUNCH.
He goes out.

FISH
(to Ugly)
Thanks, Mad Dog.

MAD DOG
Don’t mention it. Tis the season.

IN THE BASEMENT
Tolly puts the walkie in his pocket.
Starts down the steps.

TOLLY
They’re on their way.
C’mon, let’s check it out.

INT. TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS
Carrie and Bernie walk down the corridor.
Wood panelling. Linoleum tiles.
They both wave flashlights.

CARRIE
Check out the craftsmanship,
must of cost a fortune.

BERNIE
So listen, can I -- ask you something?

CARRIE
Sure.

BERNIE
I guess cause it’s Christmas,
you know -- gets a guy thinking --

(beat)
Now that you’ve stopped drinking,
I was wondering if you’d like to --
have coffee or something?

CARRIE
I’m sorry, Bernie.
It was over A LONG time ago.

BERNIE
We had a lot of fun, though --

CARRIE
Oh, yeah. A lot of fun. Too much fun.
(beat)
We’ll always be friends. You know that.

BERNIE
Friends that call you on Christmas Eve
and ask for help?

CARRIE
Something like that.

Pause.

BERNIE
So are you still into girls,
or was that because you were --

CARRIE
Drunk most of the time?
(off his look)
I’m still into girls.
But now I’m just a little more -- picky.
(smiles)
But I still like guys.

BERNIE
Not too confusing.

CARRIE
Welcome to my life.

Bad Influence

2012-01-05T10:50:00.000-08:00

Happy X, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, just as private eye Carrie Love and her family hide out in the basement of her mother's mansion against the home invasion, Tolly Chill's crime boss father arrives on the scene, with reinforcements ...

INT. MARGO'S MANSION - BASEMENT - NIGHT
A large, dusty room. Dim light from a single light.
The joint looks like an old-time saloon.

Carrie, Bernie, Blue, Seth, Margo
and Layla huddle together.
Seth flicks on a light switch. Nothing.

SETH
I thought Diego changes the lights.

MARGO
He does, in the main basement.
This is a secret room.
He doesn’t know about it.

Carrie walks around, inspecting the walls.

CARRIE
So I imagine there is at least one secret tunnel.

MARGO
There are two, actually.
Bonus points if you can find them.

CARRIE
You’re gonna make this
as difficult as possible, aren’t you.

SETH
Well, we wouldn’t be in this mess
if you hadn’t been followed here.

BERNIE
You got THAT right.

BLUE
Oh, no -- it’s all my fault, you guys.

CARRIE
Everybody shut up.
(to Margo)
Mom, I’m sorry if I didn’t
live up to your expectations --
but I’m my own person now, I’m an ADULT,
and I deserve to be treated with respect.
I help people for a living,
and I seem to remember you fell in love
with my father because HE did.
(to Seth)
Little brother, I’m sorry if you think
I abandoned you after I joined the police force,
but in case you didn’t know it,
DEAR MOTHER here forbade me from contacting you.
Said I was 'a bad influence.'

SETH
Mom?

CARRIE
Let me finish.
(to Bernie)
And you, my dear ex-husband and former partner.
(points at Blue)
As I seem to remember when we joined the force,
we were sworn to protect and serve the public --
and that’s all I’m trying to do for this girl.
Her sister was MURDERED, and she was about to be, too --
so PARDON ME for saving her life.
(to everyone)
So NOW you know why I’ve been avoiding coming home.
Because THIS SHIT follows me WHEREEVER I GO.
So let’s stop bickering.
It’s gonna be Christmas tomorrow morning soon,
and there’s no way in HELL
I’m gonna spend it in a funeral home.
Carrie’s walkie talkie CRACKLES to life.

GERO (O.C.)
Tolly, you there?

She motions everyone to be quiet.

TOLLY (O.C.)
I’m here, pop.

GERO (O.C.)
We’re nearby. What’s the address?

TOLLY (O.C.)
I told you, I don’t know.

GERO (O.C.)
Goddammit.
(beat)
That broad still on this thing?

She changes the frequency
to the other one she used before.

CARRIE
Hey, you -- private security guy,
you still there?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. SECURITY PATROL CAR - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
Tip picks up his walkie. Speaks into it.

TIP
The Name’s Tip. I’m here.
Is this the lady whose house is being invaded?

CARRIE
The one and only. Call me Ishmael.
So listen, the invaders have backup,
and they’ve just arrived.
They’re circling the area because
the idiots don’t know the address.
Keep an eye out for ‘em.
Probably the only car out
in this neighborhood in the blizzard.

TIP
Gotcha. Will do.

CARRIE
The cops on their way?

TIP
Yeah. But I didn’t get your address.
We got cut off.

CARRIE
1600 Sunset Boulevard.

TIP
Great. I’ll alert them and
then I’m on my way. Are you all okay?

CARRIE
Yeah, thanks. It’s a long story,
but we’re safe right now.
We’ve killed two of them,
and there’re two left.

TIP
Holy shit. Keep me posted, Ishmael.
Merry Christmas.

CARRIE
Yeah. If you say so.
(shuts it off, to everyone)
Okay, the private security guy
is gonna give the cops the address,
and they should be on their way soon.
But I think we should check out the tunnels.
Whataya say?

INT. PRIVATE SECURITY VEHICLE - CONTINUOUS
Tip smiles. Takes a hit of his flask. Toasts.

TIP
I’m gonna be a hero.

He reaches for his walkie talkie.
Then sees something.

TIP (CONT’D)
Oh, shit -- I better warn them.

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - MAIN CORRIDOR - AT THAT MOMENT
Tolly and Mick walk through the house, checking each room.

TOLLY
(on the walkie)
Look, they’re hiding, okay?
We’ll find ‘em. It’s a big fucking house.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. GERO’S LIMO - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
Gero curses under his breath.

GERO
Well, then why don’t one of you two Einsteins
COME OUTSIDE and LOOK for us?
(looks out the window)
There’s no one else around here.

TOLLY
In the fucking snow?
Just look for our car.
It’s in the driveway.

DRIVER
Sir, there’s a private patrol car outside.
What should I do? You want me to whack ‘em?

GERO
(on the walkie)
I’ll call you back.
(to the driver)
See what he wants.
Tell ‘em we’re from out of town,
and we’re lost.

The driver rolls down his window.
Tip pokes his head in.

TIP
Good evening. Just wanted to warn you.
There’s a bunch of criminals in the neighborhood.
Home invasion. And there’s more on the way.
You live around here?

Gero leans forward.
Aims a gun at his head.

GERO
Thanks for the update, sport.
Now get in.

The back door opens.
Strange-Looking Goon beckons him in.

STRANGE-LOOKING GOON
Come on in, we got egg nog.

Geraldo Rivera, Eat Your Heart Out

2012-01-04T10:46:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, private eye Carrie Love and her family, along with homicide dick Bernie Keko, find a way to escape the intruders breaking into her home ... down into a secret basement left over from Prohibition ...

INT. MARGO'S MANSION - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Tolly stands next to the door. Looks at the holes in it.

TOLLY
Gotta go get Mick.

He turns, and RACES up the stairs to the second floor.

INT. SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Tolly races into Carrie’s room. Sees Aldo’s dead body.
And Mick. All tied up.

MICK
Took you long enough.

TOLLY
(starts untying him)
Shut the fuck up.
(beat)
They’ve all got guns. Goddamit.

He finishes. Mick’s free. Tolly takes his Uzi.

MICK
What now?

TOLLY
(raises the Uzi)
We go the fuck downstairs and get the bitches.

MICK
Where’s Porkpie?

TOLLY
I thought he was -- here, upstairs.

MICK
Don’t look at me. I’ve been a little tied up.

INT. STUDY - CONTINUOUS
Bernie and Carrie dash into the room. Close the door.

SETH
Carrie. What happened?

CARRIE
We killed another one of them.
Got his Uzi. Have more firepower.

BERNIE
They’re now down to two.
And one of ‘em is tied up.

BLUE
Wow.

SETH
One of them was out there,
but we shot at them, and now he’s gone.

CARRIE
Where?

Seth shrugs.

BERNIE
(looks at Carrie)
Okay, so what now?
Margo opens her eyes. Blinks. Looks around the room.

MARGO
We could go down to the basement.
It’s probably a lot safer.

LAYLA
Mrs. Love?

MARGO
I told you, call me Margo.

LAYLA
I gave you enough Dilaudid to knock out A-Rod.

MARGO
Honey, please. You should see my medicine cabinet.

CARRIE
What do you mean downstairs?
The door to the basement is at the other end of the house.

MARGO
Your father never wanted you kids to know,
but there’s a secret door in this room
that leads down there -- left over from Prohibition.
There’s all kinds of tunnels down there.

CARRIE
And you’re just telling us this NOW?

MARGO
I would have before --
(points at Layla)
But this one keeps pumping me full of drugs.

LAYLA
Excuse me for doing my job.

BERNIE
So how do we get down there?

MARGO
Go to the bookcase. Pull out Moby Dick.

Carrie walks over to the bookcase.
Scans the titles. Finds it.

Pulls it out by the spine --
and the bookcase SLIDES open,
revealing a staircase going down.

CARRIE
Geraldo Rivera eat your heart out.
(to Blue)
Why don’t you help Layla get mom into the wheelchair.
(to Bernie and Seth)
And you guys help me move the desk in front of the door.
It should buy us some time.

EVA
What can I do?

CARRIE
Why don’t you go down first, look around. Be our scout.

EVA
(nods)
You know, if I wasn’t scared shitless,
I’d say this is the most fun I’ve had in years.

INT. UPSTAIRS BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Tolly and Mick stand in front of Porkpie’s dead body.

MICK
The fucking bitch.

TOLLY
And they got his gun. SHIT.

MICK
So what now?

TOLLY
Let’s go down the chimney --
(KA-CHINKS the gun magazine)
And deliver the presents.

INT. STUDY - CONTINUOUS
Carrie and Bernie push the desk against the door.
Layla wheels Margo to the steps.
Bernie races over. Grabs a handle.

BERNIE
(to Seth)
Let’s carry her.

SETH
(grabs the other)
Got it.

POUNDING on the door.

TOLLY (O.C.)
Hey, YOU IN THERE. Open the door RIGHT NOW,
or we’ll start SHOOTING.

CARRIE
Hurry up, let’s go.
(to Margo)
How do you close it again?

MARGO
There’s a switch on the wall.

CARRIE
(at the door)
Get THE FUCK out of my MOTHER’S HOUSE.

ON THE OTHER SIDE
Tolly looks at Mick.

MICK
I say we fuckin’ blast ‘em.

TOLLY
Let’s DO IT.

IN THE STUDY
The door ERUPTS in MACHINE GUN FIRE. Wood SPRAYS.

CARRIE
Move it, move it, move it --

Bernie and Seth carry Margo down the stairs.
Blue follows, then Layla. And Carrie.
The panel closes. THWUNK.

The top half of the door above the desk
is SHREDDED by bullets.
A confetti of wood SPRAYS into the room.

It falls over. BANG.
Tolly and Mick step up onto the desk.
Walk in the room.

TOLLY
What the fuck? GODDAMMIT.
They were just HERE. I HEARD her --

MICK
Where the fuck did they GO?

INT. SECURITY PATROL CAR - AT THAT MOMENT
Tip talks on his cell phone.

TIP
Yes, on the walkie talkie.
The woman said she and her family
were being attacked. It’s a HOME INVASION.
(listens)
I told you, I DON’T KNOW the address.
She got cut off --
(listens)
Just send some officers,
and we’ll figure it out when they get here.
(listens)
THANK YOU.

He hangs up. Picks up the flask.
Takes a drink. Toasts.

TIP
Sleigh bells ring, are you listening --

Service With A Smile

2012-01-03T09:57:00.000-08:00

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. Having a hard time getting back into the daily grind after the holi-daze? Then it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 21 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, during a home invasion on Christmas Eve, private eye Carrie Love and her ex, detective Bernie Keko, subdue two of the bad guys who have broken in upstairs. Meanwhile, downstairs, Carrie's stepmother Eva and her Brother Seth fight off the other intruders while Carrie's mother Margo recovers from a stroke ...

INT. MARGO'S MANSION - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT
Tolly and Porkpie huddle.

TOLLY
You check the rest of the rooms on this floor. I
’ll go downstairs. That fucking bitch is so close
I can smell her.

PORKPIE
Okay.
(beat)
Really? You can smell her?

TOLLY
It’s an expression, you idiot. C’mon, move it.

They start for the door.

IN THE STUDY
Seth, Blue, Eva and Layla watch Margo sleep.

LAYLA
It’s working.

EVA
You can thank the Polytechnic Institute of Berlin.

BLUE
(to Seth)
What do you think’s going on upstairs?

SETH
I don’t know.
Margo opens her eyes. Looks dazed. A weak smile.

MARGO
Well, isn’t this a lovely reunion.

BLUE
Mom. How do you feel?

MARGO
Just -- fabulous. For some reason I feel like --
listening to the Grateful Dead.
(looks at Eva)
Eva. How wonderful to see you.
You’re looking lovely as usual.

Everyone exchanges glances.

EVA
Sometimes the combination of medications
can strip away the patient’s inhibitions.

A soft THUMP outside the door.

SETH
What was that?

He walks over to the door.
Puts his ear against it. Listens.

SETH (CONT'D)
Someone’s out there.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - FRONT DRIVE - AT THAT MOMENT
Gero and TWO GOONS stand in the driveway.
His LIMO pulls up in front of them.
They get in. It pulls away.

INT. LIMOUSINE - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
Gero sits in the back, with who we now recognize
as Strange-Looking Goon and Ugly Goon from the party.

DRIVER
Where to, sir?

GERO
Go down to Sunset and turn right.
I’ll let you know when we get there.

IN THE UPSTAIRS BEDROOM
Carrie argues with Tip on the walkie talkie.

CARRIE
Now listen to me, asshole. This is for REAL.
I’m a private detective, and a FORMER COP.
I need you to call the REAL COPS,
and send a couple units over here.
I’m here with my family,
and we’re BEING ATTACKED by INTRUDERS.

PORKPIE (O.C.)
Put down the walkie, NOW.

PORKPIE
Walks into the room. Gun on Carrie.
She DROPS it. CLANK.

Bernie WHIPS out his gun. Points it at Porkpie.

BERNIE
You shoot and you’re DEAD.

PORKPIE
You shoot and SHE’S dead.

CARRIE
Fellas, fellas -- let’s calm down here.

INT. TIP’S SECURITY VEHICLE - AT THAT MOMENT
He listens to the walkie. Presses ‘talk.’

TIP
Hello, are you still there?
I believe you, I believe you --
I need your address.
(listens)
Hello?
(beat)
Shit.

He puts down the walkie.
Picks up his cell phone.
PUNCHES a number. Listens.

TIP (CONT’D)
911? I’d like to report a crime in progress.
(beat)
A home invasion.
(beat)
Yes, I’ll hold.

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - STUDY - AT THAT MOMENT
Seth grabs his gun. Aims it at the door.

SETH
There’s someone out there.

BLUE
Shit.

EVA
(aims hers, whispers)
Let’s get ‘em.

MARGO
We have company?

LAYLA
Shh.
Layla adjusts the drip.
Margo goes out like a light.

EVA
We know you’re OUT THERE,
and we’ve ALL GOT GUNS.
So why don’t you
GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

SETH
(looks at her)
Eva --

OUTSIDE THE DOOR
Tolly steps away from the door.
Pulls out his gun.

TOLLY
What the fuck?

He puts his hand on the doorknob.
Slowly turns it. Pushes --

INSIDE THE STUDY
Eva sees the doorknob turning.
The door opening --

EVA
The DOOR.

She SHOOTS. BANG.
Blue SHOOTS. BANG.
The rifle KNOCKS her shoulder. She JERKS.

Seth FIRES OFF a BLAST OF ROUNDS -
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

OUTSIDE THE DOOR
Tolly reaches around, AND FIRES into the room.

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

INSIDE THE STUDY
Everybody DUCKS. HITS the floor.
Eva and Blue reload.

Seth FIRES again. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.
Eyes on fire.

INT. CARRIE’S BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Gunshots RING OUT from downstairs. No one moves.

Porkpie holds his gun on Carrie.
Listening. Concentrating.

Carrie looks at Bernie.
Her eyes flicker. He slightly nods.

Confused, Porkpie moves his gun
from Carrie to Bernie.

Carrie SHOOTS him in the head. BANG.
He goes down. THWUMP.

CARRIE
(picks up the walkie)
Haven’t used that one in a long time.

BERNIE
Like old home week. Grab his gun.

CARRIE
(takes it)
Let’s go downstairs. Join the party.

BERNIE
Better take the service stairs.

CARRIE
Service with a smile.

BERNIE
Don’t get carried away.
I’m still mad at you.

Be It Ever So Humble

2012-01-02T09:17:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy New Year. I trust you all had an unhealthy, dangerous holiday season -- and that you're like me in that you are FUCKING GLAD it's all over with.

So, now -- it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 20 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, private eye Carrie Love and homicide dick Bernie Keko capture Tolly Chill's goons who have invaded Carrie's mother's house, and grab one of their walkie talkies -- so they're not only able to hear white slave trafficker Tolly Chill's plan of attack, they can call for help ...

INT. SECURITY PATROL CAR - NIGHT
Tip is fast asleep. He snores lightly.
The radio SQUAWKS.

BITCHY DISPATCHER (O.C.)
Base to Unit Three, come in.

But he’s really sawing wood.
Dead to the world.

BITCHY DISPATCHER (O.C.) (CONT'D)
BASE TO UNIT THREE, do you COPY?

Tip SNORTS. Must be a great dream.

BITCHY DISPATCHER (O.C.) (CONT'D)
UNIT THREE, ARE YOU THERE?

He stirs. Opens his eyes. Looks at the radio.
Reaches over, grabs the transmitter.

TIP
This is Unit -- Three. Whassup?

BITCHY DISPATCHER
Have a nice nap?

TIP
I wasn’t sleeping.
(rubs his eyes)
Is that you, Dick? You sound -- different.

BITCHY DISPATCHER
NO, it’s not DICK. This is Germaine.

TIP
Gare-main?

GERMAINE
I’m a temp.

TIP
Oh. So what’s up?

GERMAINE
Got a call. Shots fired.
Sixteen hundred block of Sunset.
Probably a crank, but you should check it out.

TIP
It’s Christmas Eve, for Chrissakes. It’s a crank.

GERMAINE
Better check it out. A stitch in time.

TIP
Gee. Thanks for the pearls of wisdom.

GERMAINE
I don’t think I like your attitude.

TIP
That makes two of us, fella.

GERMAINE
Asshole.

TIP
FREAK.

He shuts off the radio. Pissed off.
He starts the engine.

TIP (CONT’D)
Well, that’ll wake you up --

EXT. MARGO’S MANSION - BACK YARD
It’s really coming down now. Snow drifts everywhere.
The joint is now like a white shroud.

Tolly and Porkpie stand on the ladder,
now up against another window.
Porkpie’s at the top. Looks down at Tolly.

TOLLY
Try to open it. Slowly.
Don’t make any noise.

PORKPIE
Fucking snow. Ladder is slippery.
Hold my ankles, willya?

Tolly does. Porkpie reaches up.
Holds onto the bottom of the window.
Gives it a push. It opens.

PORKPIE (CONT’D)
Hey. Look what I found under the tree.

TOLLY
So make like Saint Nick
and get the fuck in there.

INT. GUEST ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Carrie and Bernie listen at the connecting door.
She gives him a look that says
‘you hear anything?’ Bernie shrugs.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

INT. CARRIE’S ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Mick presses his ear against the door.
Breathing heavily.

CARRIE
looks at Bernie. Points.
Mouths 'he’s right there.'

She grabs the doorknob.
Nods with her head toward the room. He nods.

She steps to the side --
and YANKS the door open.

Mick FALLS into the room, BANG.
HITS the floor.

She CRACKS him on the head
with her gun. LEAPS on top of him.

CARRIE
Get his GUN!

Bernie reaches for it,
but Mick THROWS Carrie off.

She FLIES across the room,
hits the wall with a THWUMP.

He WHIRLS AROUND, and PUNCHES
Bernie in the stomach, OOF.

ENRAGED, he stands up.
Points his pistol at Bernie.

MICK
Prepare to die, COCKSUCKER.

Carrie comes up behind him, and
BASHES him on the head with a chair. CRACK.
He goes down like a ton of bricks.

BERNIE
Like old times.

CARRIE
Always were a great team.

Carrie sees his walkie talkie on the floor.
She picks it up.

CARRIE (CONT’D)
This should come in handy.
(nods at Mick)
What should we do with him?

BERNIE
Tie him up and take him downstairs
where the others can keep an eye on him.

CARRIE
Take him hostage?

BERNIE
I’m an officer of the law,
placing him under arrest.

CARRIE
More like house arrest.

BERNIE
Hey. Be it ever so humble --

INT. GERO’S BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Gero lies in bed watching an old gangster movie on TV.

GERO
They’re sure taking their sweet time.

He picks up the phone.
Dials a number. Listens.

GERO (CONT’D)
Shit. Must be the weather.

Gero gets out of bed.
Pads over to the dresser.
Picks up his walkie talkie.
CLICKS it on.

GERO (CONT’D)
TOLLY, where the fuck are you?
What’s going on? You get the broad yet?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MASTER BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Tolly speaks into his walkie.

TOLLY
Hey, pop. Fucking snowstorm’s a bitch.
But we made it. We’re here.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. GUEST BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Carrie holds the walkie. Looks at Bernie.

CARRIE
Hey there, scumbag.
Snowstorm’s a bitch, and SO AM I.

GERO
Who the fuck is THAT?

TOLLY
YOU. How’d you get on this line?

CARRIE
Well, let’s see -- Paulie Walnuts is dead,
and we’ve got the Mick tied up in knots.
Why don’t you come join the party?

GERO
What the fuck?

TOLLY
Send more men, Pop.
We’re in Beverly Hills, on Sunset Boulevard.

GERO
What’s the address?

TOLLY
Shit. I -- left the GPS thing in the car.

CARRIE
Now that’s what I call 'a well-oiled machine.'

TOLLY
Fuck you, bitch.
(to Gero)
I’ll call you back later.
When we’ve got some PRIVACY.

He CLICKS off the walkie.
Looks at Porkpie. Pissed off.
Gero shuts off his. Incensed.

CARRIE
Looks at Bernie.

CARRIE
We’ve got a lifeline.
We can call for help.

She switches the frequency.
Punches the TALK button.

CARRIE (CONT'D)
Hello, can anyone hear me?
It’s an emergency.
We’re being attacked by intruders --

TIP (O.C.)
Hey, you kids -- get off this line,
it’s for emergencies only.

CARRIE
I’m not a kid, this is for real.

TIP (O.C.)
Yeah, right -- ho, ho, ho.

Is There A Doctor In The House?

2011-12-30T10:30:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, private eye Carrie Love's mother's house is under seige on Christmas Eve in Beverly Hills during a freak snow storm. Upstairs, Carrie and her ex-husband, homicide cop Bernie Keko shoot it out with a pair of goons hiding in Carrie's childhood bedroom. Meanwhile, downstairs, Carrie's mother Margo has another stroke ... and Carrie's stepmother Eva comes up with a most unusual treatment ...

INT. MARGO'S MANSION - UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Eva pokes her head out of the door.

EVA
The shooting stopped.

CARRIE
They’ve barricaded themselves IN there.

Go down and tell everyone what’s going on.
Make sure my mom’s okay,
then come back up and join us.
This isn’t over yet.

EVA
Will do.

She dashes toward the stairs.

BERNIE
So what do we do now?

CARRIE
We wait them out. Come up with a plan.
(thinks)
Oh shit, I just remembered.

BERNIE
What?

CARRIE
The connecting bathroom.

BERNIE
Shit, that’s right. Between your room --

CARRIE
And the guest room, yeah.
The scene of our crimes.
Come on, let’s go check it out.

IN THE STUDY
The door opens. Layla SHOOTS in.
Closes it behind her.

SETH
Are you okay?

LAYLA
I stayed in the bathroom.

BLUE
It’s quiet now. Maybe they got them.

SETH
NO --

BLUE
I meant maybe Carrie and Bernie got THEM.

The door OPENS. In comes Eva.

EVA
It’s okay, everyone.
Carrie and Bernie have the bad men trapped in her room.

SETH
She DOES?

BLUE
Holy SHIT.

Margo opens her eyes, groggy. Looks at Eva.

EVA
(brightly)
Margo. How are you feeling?

MARGO
What the fuck are you doing with my rifle?

INT. CARRIE’S BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Aldo helps Mick tie a tourniquet around his leg. TIGHT.

MICK
So what now.

ALDO
There’s another door. Let’s check it out.

MICK
But boss said to sit tight.

ALDO
And if he told you to jump off a bridge, would you?

MICK
Fuck you. At least we’re warm. I say we stay here.

ALDO
My point IS, dummy -- that if there’s another door,
they could come IN.

MICK
Oh. Right.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

IN THE ADJOINING ROOM
Carrie and Bernie walk in.
Tip-toe over to the connecting door
into where Mick and Aldo are. Listen.

IN CARRIE’S ROOM
Mick and Aldo go to the same door. Listen.
Mick looks at Aldo. Shrugs.

Aldo screws his face up.
He’s about to sneeze.

Mick CLAMPS his hand on Aldo’s mouth.
But it’s no good.

He let’s a LOUD ONE RIP --

ALDO
A-CHOOO!

IN THE ADJOINING ROOM
Carrie and Bernie OPEN FIRE.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

IN CARRIE’S ROOM
Aldo gets HIT in the chest.
Falls to the floor, THWUMP.

Mick ROLLS away to the side.
Starts PUMPING SHOTS at the door.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

IN THE ADJOINING ROOM
Carrie and Bernie JUMP on either side of the door.

CARRIE
(whispers)
I got one of ‘em. You hear that ‘thump?’

BERNIE
What about the other one.

CARRIE
Let’s wait and find out.

IN CARRIE’S ROOM
Mick sits on the floor, under the window.
Holds his right hand. It’s bleeding pretty bad.

MICK
God-DAMMit.

He goes to the bed.
Pulls off a pillow case.
RIPS off a strip of fabric.
Starts winding it around his hand.

MICK (CONT’D)
Fucking BITCH is gonna PAY.

IN THE STUDY
Margo is having another seizure.
Layla holds her hand.
Increases the dosage on her drip.

LAYLA
We need a doctor, NOW.
I don’t know what else to do.
(looks at everyone)
I’m just a NURSE.

SETH
(rushes over to her)
Mom, are you okay? Can you hear me?
(to Layla)
You gotta DO something.
Can’t you give her anything?

BLUE
Ohmigod.
She rushes to Seth.
Collapses in his arms.
He comforts her.

SETH
(to Eva)
Can’t YOU do something?
You were a doctor.

EVA
I was a doctor -- back in Germany.
But here in America,
they don’t acknowledge my degree.

She looks off into space. A bitter memory.
Stares at Margo.
Something resembling concern
flashes on her face.

EVA (CONT'D)
(to Layla)
Do you have any morphine?
Something to knock her out?

LAYLA
I have Dilaudid --

EVA
Perfect. Give her 10 cc’s.

LAYLA
But that might -- put her in a coma.

EVA
Not that much.
And it would stop any brain damage.
(smiles)
It’s a European method.
Not used here in the States.
Simple, but effective.
Give her the Dilaudid,
and then a blood thinner.
The combination of the drugs --
something to stop the seizures,
and then something to open up
the artery to the brain -- can work.

SETH
(to Layla)
Go ahead, do it.

Layla crosses herself.
Pulls a small bottle out of her bag --

The Days Of Wine And Roses

2011-12-29T10:44:00.000-08:00

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, private eye Carrie Love, her ex, homicide dick Bernie Keko and Carrie's stepmother Eva scope out the second floor against the invasion of Tolly Chill's goons. Meanwhile, two of them break into the house ... and go into Carrie's childhood bedroom ...

INT. MANSION - SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY - NIGHT
Carrie, Bernie and Eva walk down the lushly furnished
main hallway upstairs. Guns at their sides.

BERNIE
Looks just the same.
(turns, to Carrie)
You remember that Thanksgiving weekend we stayed here,
and your mother made us sleep in separate rooms?

CARRIE
Well, we weren’t married yet. And you know my mom.

BERNIE
I had to fucking sneak in your room like I was sixteen.

They both smile. Remembering.

EVA
Why couldn’t the two of you work it out?
It seems like there is still chemistry.

CARRIE
I had an itch -- and I scratched it.

BERNIE
An itch? That’s a good one.
(sings)
The Days of Wine and Roses --

Carrie stops. Gives Bernie a look that kills.

CARRIE
I think we should split up.
Check all the windows. They could be --

Glass SHATTERS. A big THUD.
CRASHING noises behind the door they’re standing in front of.

EVA
Oh my GOD.

BERNIE
It’s THEM.

CARRIE
And they’re in MY ROOM.

Carrie CLICKS the safety on her Glock.
Moves to the left of the door. Signals to be quiet.
Bernie SHOVES a clip in his Baretta. Moves to right side.

BERNIE
(whispers to Eva)
Go down the hall, around the corner. Wait for us.

EVA
(CRACKS the rifle bolt)
Screw that. I’ll cover you.

She opens the door across from them. Goes in the room.
Closes it until all we see is the barrel of her rifle.

IN THE STUDY
Seth and Blue pull apart.

BLUE
What the FUCK was that?

SETH
Someone’s trying to get in.

They grab their guns. Seth goes to the door. Listens.

UPSTAIRS
Carrie leans toward the door.

CARRIE
We know you’re IN THERE.
Come out with your HANDS UP and we won’t KILL you.

BERNIE
We’ve got you SURROUNDED.
You’ll never make it out of here ALIVE.

INT. CARRIE’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Still as it was when Carrie was a teenager. Cute. Colorful.

Mick and Aldo stand in the middle of the room.
Guns aimed at the door. They exchange looks.

They start FIRING at the door.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

EXT. MANSION - BACK YARD - CONTINUOUS
Tolly and Porkpie look up at the window. Hear the firing.

PORKPIE
They’re thugs. No finesse -- no stealth. Just go in blasting.

TOLLY
You want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. C’mon.

He starts climbing up the ladder. Porkpie follows him.

IN THE HALLWAY
Carrie and Bernie watch the door get BLOWN TO BITS.

Chunks of wood go FLYING.
They both LEAN IN, start FIRING.

IN THE BEDROOM
Mick gets SHOT in the LEG. SCREAMS in pain.

MICK
MOTHERFUCKERS.

He goes to the bureau. Start SHOVING it toward the doorway.

MICK (CONT’D)
C’mon, HELP ME.

Aldo races over, starts PUSHING it with him.
They wrestle it in front of the doorway.

MICK (CONT'D)
Jesus fucking Christ.
He didn’t say nothing about them having GUNS.

ALDO
The private dick, remember?

MICK
Yeah, but who’s the GUY?

ALDO
Hell if I know.

IN THE HALLWAY
Carrie peers around the doorway.

CARRIE
They’ve blocked it with the dresser.

BERNIE
That’s fucking weird. Normally WE’D be trying
to keep them OUT while they try to come IN.

CARRIE
They didn’t know what they were up against.

BERNIE
Yeah. The dysfunctional family picnic.

OUTSIDE
Tolly stops climbing. Looks down at Porkpie.

TOLLY
Wait a minute.

PORKPIE
What?

TOLLY
Why don’t we leave them up there --
and then you and I go in ANOTHER window?

PORKPIE
That, boss -- is why you’re the boss. Fuckin’ brilliant.

They start climbing back down.
Aldo sticks his head out the window. Sees them.

ALDO
Hey, where are you guys goin’?

TOLLY
(loud whisper)
You guys stay up there, hold ‘em off for a bit.
Make ‘em think you’re trapped in there.
We’re gonna go in through another window.

ALDO
That’s fucking brilliant.

PORKPIE
That’s what I said.

ALDO
Mick got one in the leg,
but it’s only a flesh wound.
We’ll hold ‘em off for a while.

TOLLY
Tell Mick to hang tight.
Reinforcements are coming.

Aldo nods. Goes back in.
Tolly starts climbing back down.

TOLLY (CONT’D)
Gonna get that fucking bitch.
NO ONE gets away with disrespecting Tolly Chill --

To Protect And Fuck Yourself

2011-12-28T10:42:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, it's Christmas Eve in Beverly Hills during a freak blizzard, and private eye Carrie Love and her family prepare to defend themselves against Tolly Chill and his gang, who are trying to break into the house to nab Carrie's client Blue Wonder. Meanwhile, Carrie's brother Seth and Blue get 'up close and personal' ...

EXT. MARGO'S MANSION - BACK YARD - NIGHT
Aldo and Mick walk over to Tolly and Porkpie.
Freezing cold.

ALDO
Power’s out.

MICK
So’s the phone.

TOLLY
Good work.

PORKPIE
I’m freezing my nuts off, boss.

TOLLY
You think I’M having fun, chuckle-head?
(looks around)
There’s a pool house over there.
Porkpie and I will go and look around
for stuff we can use to get in.
You two go check the garage,
see if there’s a ladder or something.

PORKPIE
Let’s do it.

TOLLY
Meet back here in five minutes. Got it?

They all nod. Cold. Miserable.

TOLLY (CONT'D)
Hey, cheer up. It’s fucking CHRISTMAS.

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - STUDY - AT THAT MOMENT
Carrie hands a rifle to Eva. The other to Blue.

CARRIE
You two take these. They’re easy to shoot.
Just remember to hold it against your shoulder,
it’s got a kick.

Eva and Blue nod.

EVA
I was a marksman in college.
Won the blue ribbon in Berlin Technical Institute.

CARRIE
Excellent.

BLUE
I used to play Charlie’s Angels with my sister.

CARRIE
Good enough.
(to Bernie)
Why don’t you give the Baretta to Seth.

BERNIE
Okay.
(shows him)
This is an automatic weapon.
Has nine rounds in the clip,
one in the chamber. It has a safety --
(slides it)
See?
(slides it back)
It’s off now, so you can’t hurt anyone.
Any shit goes down, slide it back like
I just showed you. Got it?

SETH
(takes it)
Got it.

BERNIE
I don’t have an extra clip for it,
cause it’s my back-up piece.
So use your bullets wisely.

Everyone looks around.
The reality of this is sinking in.

CARRIE
Okay, Bernie and I will patrol upstairs.
The rest of you stay here and sit tight.

SETH
Let me come with you.

EVA
No, you stay here, protect
your mother and the young lady.
I go patrol with them.
(raises the rifle, takes aim)
I can hit a moving target at one hundred yards.

BERNIE
She’s got a point.

CARRIE
Okay. Let’s do it.

EXT. NEARBY SIDE STREET - AT THAT MOMENT
A PRIVATE SECURITY VEHICLE stops in front
of a giant wall of shrubbery hiding a large estate.

INT. PRIVATE SECURITY VEHICLE - CONTINUOUS
Private security guard TIP SNELLING (50)
takes a sip from a flask. Short and squat.

Red-nosed. Grey-haired. No family.
An ordinary Joe drinking his life away in a safe, dull job.

TIP
Merry Christmas, you rich bastards.
(toasts)
To protect and --
(drinks)
Fuck yourself.

He picks up his walkie talkie. CLICKS it on.

TIP (CONT’D)
(into the walkie)
Command to base. You read me?

BORED FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Base here. What’s up, Tip?

TIP
Not a hell of a lot. Quiet.

BORED FEMALE VOICE
Of course it’s fucking quiet.
It’s Christmas.

TIP
You gonna go see family tonight?

BORED FEMALE VOICE
Yeah. Leaving in about fifteen minutes.
How about you?

TIP
Nah. Need the overtime.

BORED FEMALE VOICE
Well, stay warm. Radio said this freak storm
is gonna get worse before it gets better.

TIP
Roger and out. Have a holly jolly.

He clicks off the walkie.
Takes another sip from his flask.
Rests his head against the seat.
Closes his eyes.

TIP (CONT’D)
Best time of year, my ass.

EXT. MANSION - BACK YARD - AT THAT MOMENT
A ladder rests against the side of the house.
Reaches up to a second story window.

Tolly and Porkpie stand next to it, looking up.
Mick holds a PICK-AXE. Aldo, an oil lamp.

TOLLY
(to Mick and Aldo)
You go climb up, smash a window.
Go in. We’ll follow you.

MICK
Let’s do it.

ALDO
Yeah. Get inside and warm up.
(laughs)
Then get us some girlie.

TOLLY
There’s been a change of plan.
We’re gonna whack both of ‘em.

MICK
Both of ‘em? The stripper, too?

TOLLY
What, you got snow in your ears?

ALDO
What about the other people in the house?

TOLLY
What do you think.

ALDO
Good thing I brought a couple extra clips.

INT. MANSION - STUDY - AT THAT MOMENT
Seth paces back and forth in front of the fireplace.
Practices clicking the safety on and off.

Blue sits on the couch.
Holds the rifle on her lap.

Margo sleeps peacefully.
Layla stands near the door.

LAYLA
I need to use the ladies room.

SETH
Go down the hall to the foyer.
Second door on your right.

LAYLA
Thanks. I’ll be right back.

SETH
Be careful.

She tiptoes out.

BLUE
Your mother’s -- a character.

SETH
You can say that again.

He looks at her. Comes over to the couch.
Sits next to her.

BLUE
Guess it runs in the family.

SETH
You mean my sister.

BLUE
Yeah. But she’s cool.
She’s helping me even though I can’t afford it.

SETH
Carrie’s cool.
(beat)
She and my Mom have a -- tricky relationship.

Blue puts the gun down next to her.
Scoots a little closer.

BLUE
You know what they say about mothers and daughters.

SETH
(touches her arm)
Kind of like -- 'like father, like son?'

BLUE
(touches his leg)
We shouldn’t be doing this.

SETH
Not at a time like this.

And they kiss --

Reach Out And Fuck Someone

2011-12-27T10:52:00.000-08:00

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, private eye Carrie Love reveals to her family that she has accidentally led Tolly Chill and his crew right to their house, and that they have to start getting ready to defend themselves against their attack ...

EXT. MARGO'S MANSION - FRONT STEPS - NIGHT
Tolly and Porkpie stand in front of the door.
Mick and Aldo, behind them. Shivering in the cold.

INSIDE
Seth goes to the door. Puts his hand on the knob.

CARRIE
Wait. Hold on a sec.

She goes to the peephole. Looks.

FISH EYE LENS POV
Tolly’s face. Distorted. Grimacing from the cold.

CARRIE
Leaps back.

CARRIE (CONT’D)
Shit. It’s them.

SETH
Who’s them?

Pause.

CARRIE
We were, uh -- followed.

SETH
Bad guys?

CARRIE
(sheepish)
Sorry.

SETH
Shit, Carrie -- how COULD you?

The doorbell RINGS again.

CARRIE
Look -- I was rescuing Blue, you called,
told me Mom had a stroke,
I needed to meet Bernie somewhere
where he could cut off the cuff --
(beat)
I’m SORRY. I thought the snow would slow them down.

SETH
Do you realize how FUCKED UP this is?

CARRIE
YES. Calm down. Bernie and I here.
It’s gonna be okay. How’s the security system?
Mom still have what Dad installed?

SETH
Yeah. You know how paranoid she is.
It’s like Fort Knox. Ever since the riots --

CARRIE
Hold on a sec. And DON’T open the door.

Carrie races over to the powder room. Goes in.

IN THE POWDER ROOM
She looks out the window. Sees Tolly and the gang.

IN THE FOYER
Carrie walks over to Seth.

CARRIE (CONT’D)
Okay, here’s the plan. You call 911,
I’ll go talk to the others. It’s gonna be okay.
I’m gonna figure something out.

SETH
(scared)
You’re gonna figure something out?

CARRIE
I’ll protect you, I promise.
Go to the rec room, activate the fail safe,
call 911, get mom’s rifles,
then meet me back in the den, okay?

SETH
Okay.

CARRIE
It’s gonna be okay, I promise.
Have I ever steered you wrong?

SETH
You really want me to answer that?

POUNDING on the front door.

TOLLY (O.C.)
Hello! Is anybody HOME?
Our car has BROKEN DOWN. We NEED HELP.

EXT. MANSION - FRONT STOOP - CONTINUOUS
Tolly turns to Porkpie.

TOLLY
They must be onto us.
(to Aldo and Mick)
Go find the phone box. Disable it.
Then get the fusebox. Hurry.

They nod. RACE OFF.
Porkpie pulls a high-tech device out of his pocket.
Looks like a remote.

TOLLY (CONT’D)
What the fuck is THAT?

PORKPIE
Cell phone scrambler.
Got it from that Mossad agent we whacked.
Thought it might come in handy.

TOLLY
Fucking genius.

Porkpie PRESSES a series of buttons.

PORKPIE
Reach out and FUCK someone.

IN THE HOUSE
Seth walks into the rec room.
Punches a number on his cell phone. Listens.

SETH
What the hell?

He walks over to a panel near the light switch.
FLICKS ON a series of buttons.

Enters a code. Goes to a gun rack.
Grabs a pair of RIFLES.
Grabs a couple boxes of ammo. DASHES off.

OUTSIDE THE HOUSE
A series of METAL SHUTTERS CLAMP down
over the first floor windows, one by one,
CLANK. CLANK. CLANK. CLANK. CLANK.

Tolly and Porkpie watch.

TOLLY
SHIT. God-DAMMIT.

PORKPIE
I’ll go make sure they kill the power.

He RUNS off.

INT. STUDY - AT THAT MOMENT
Carrie stands in the doorway.

CARRIE
Everybody, I’ve got something I need to tell you.

BLUE
Hey. He got the cuff off.

CARRIE
That’s -- great.

BERNIE
(reads her expression)
What’s wrong?

CARRIE
I need everyone to remain calm --

MARGO
What the FUCK is going on, Carrie?

Pause.

CARRIE
The people that were following us --
(beat)
Are outside. And they’re trying to get in.

MARGO
How DARE you bring CRIMINALS to my HOME.
What were you THINKING?

CARRIE
SETH called me, said you had a STROKE.
I was THINKING of making sure my MOTHER was OKAY.

The power GOES OUT. Seth rushes in, holding the rifles.

SETH
Not to worry, emergency generator should kick in right away.

LAYLA
(crosses herself)
Dear Jesus, Mother Mary of God --

The lights COME BACK ON.

BERNIE
(to Carrie)
You just HAD to drag me out of the house.

CARRIE
Look, I realize you’re upset.
But if we all remain calm,
everything will be alright.

Seth goes to the phone on the desk.
Picks up the receiver.

SETH
The phone’s dead.
(looks at Carrie)
And my cell isn’t working.

Carrie whips out hers. Punches a number. Listens.

CARRIE
Bastard’s have a scrambler. SHIT.

BLUE
I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.
If I hadn’t asked you to help me --

CARRIE
Enough of that. What’s done is done.
Everybody just relax.
here’s only four of them, and six of us.
(looks at Seth)
We’ve got two rifles --
(pulls out her Glock)
And I’ve got this.

Bernie pulls out his service revolver.
Then another piece from his ankle holster.

BERNIE
And I’ve got these.

CARRIE
Great. So that’s -- five guns.

Margo looks at Carrie. Quizzical.
She’s never seen this side of her daughter.

MARGO
Someone get me my handbag.

Seth does. Hands it to her.
Margo pulls out a STUN GUN.

MARGO (CONT’D)
And I’ve got 5000 volts of
'don’t mess with me, motherfucker.'

CARRIE
I’m not even gonna ask.

Like White On Icicles

2011-12-26T10:16:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Boxing Day. I don't know about you, but I'm really glad the holidays are almost over. Enough with the emotional baggage -- it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, it's Christmas Eve, and private eye Carrie Love arrives at her parent's house with her client Blue Wonder and her ex, homicide dick Bernie Keko, just as the freak snowstorm gets bad ... but little do they know that the bad guys Carrie rescued Blue from are about to coming knocking on the door ...

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
Tolly’s SUV travels slowly in the snow.
It’s blinding now.

INT. TOLLY’S SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The windshield wipers are pumping furiously
as the snow gets heavier.
Tolly strains to see as he’s driving.

TOLLY
I love it. It’s like we’re back in Jersey.

PORKPIE
Oh, yeah? I’m fucking freezing.

TOLLY
So turn up the fucking heat.

A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS behind them.

TOLLY
(looks in the rearview mirror)
Shit, it’s a cop.

He pulls the car over. Stops. Shifts into ‘park.’
The COP appears in the window. Tolly rolls it down.

TOLLY
Can I help you, officer?

ANGRY COP
License, registration, and proof of insurance.
And keep your hands where I can see ‘em.

TOLLY
Sure thing, sure thing.
(leans over to get them)
How about this weather, huh?
(hands them over)
What did I do wrong, officer?

ANGRY COP
(looking at documents)
You left the scene of an accident.
Please step out of the vehicle.

Porkpie pulls out a SIG SAUER and FIRES. BANG. BANG. BANG.
The officer FLIES backwards into a snow bank, THWUMP.

TOLLY
Jesus FUCKING CHRIST.
What the FUCK did you do THAT for?

PORKPIE
I ain’t goin’ to jail on CHRISTMAS.

TOLLY
Goddammit. Now we gotta get rid of the BODY,
and the fuckin’ BIKE. Everybody OUTTA THE CAR.

ALDO
Ah, shit -- it’s snowing.

MICK
Yeah, boss, can’t we just --

TOLLY
I said OUTTA THE FUCKING CAR, NOW.
It’s a winter wonderland. Get used to it.

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - FOYER - AT THAT MOMENT
Carrie, Bernie and Blue stand in the doorway.

SETH
Carrie. Great to see you.

They hug.

CARRIE
Hey there, little brother.
(gestures)
You remember Bernie --

BERNIE
Hey. You sure got tall.

SETH
Nice to see you, too. You look -- the same.

BERNIE
(to Carrie)
He lies as good as you do.

CARRIE
(to Seth)
And is this is Blue. Blue Wonder.

Seth and Blue lock eyes. Instant chemistry.

SETH
H-hi. Nice to -- meet you.

BLUE
Hey.
(staring)
You, too.

Pause.

CARRIE
Earth to Seth, Earth to Seth --

SETH
(staring)
Let’s -- go see Mom.

CARRIE
Cue the warm and fuzzy.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - SUV - AT THAT MOMENT
Tolly watches the boys drag the cop’s body in the woods.
Watches for oncoming traffic. Talks on his cell phone.

TOLLY
Hey, pop. We’re almost there.
(listens)
Because the GPS thing stopped moving.
They’re in one of these big joints on Sunset.
We’re right down the block.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. GERO’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Gero lies in bed watching TV,
eating a bowl of ice cream.

GERO
They’ve arrived at their destination?

TOLLY
No problem. Piece of cake.
I’m on it like white on icicles.

He watches the boys drag the motorcycle into the foliage.

GERO
Well, hurry it up.

TOLLY
No worries. I’ll call you when got her.

GERO
Okay. And just bring the girl.
(whispers)
Whack the detective. She knows too much.

TOLLY
Don’t worry. I’ll deck her fucking halls.

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - STUDY - AT THAT MOMENT
The gang’s all here. Margo lies in her hospital bed
near the fireplace.

Seth and Blue sit on a love seat, making goo-goo eyes.
Carrie, Blue and Bernie sit on the couch.

MARGO
Well, if this isn’t the family reunion from hell.

CARRIE
Nice to see you, too Mom.
I don’t mean to be rude,
but we can only stay for a minute --
it’s kind on an emergency --

MARGO
(nods at Bernie)
Why is HE here?
I thought you gave him the heave-ho.

CARRIE
We’re still friends. He’s -- helping me.

BERNIE
Nice to see you again, Mrs. Love.

MARGO
Call me Margo.
I haven’t been a Mrs. Love in a long time.
(studies him)
Looks like you’ve put on some weight.
(looks at Blue)
Who’s the cupcake?

CARRIE
This is my client, Blue Wonder.

MARGO
'Blue Wonder?' You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Sounds like a stripper.
(studies her)
But she looks -- too innocent.

BLUE
Thanks. I try.

Seth smiles at Blue. She smiles back.

CARRIE
(to Bernie)
You bring your -- cutting thing?

BERNIE
(pulls them out of his pocket)
Tin snips.

MARGO
What the hell are THOSE for?

Blue puts her foot on the coffee table.
Flashes a long, lean leg.
Seth almost has a heart attack.

BLUE
Before Carrie rescued me --
the bad guys put this cuff on me.
Bernie’s gonna cut it off.

MARGO
Well, hurry it up, then.
Then we’ll have some egg nog.

BERNIE
Yes, Ma’am.

CARRIE
(to Margo)
We can’t stay, Mom.

Bernie leans over Blue’s ankle.
Starts cutting off the band around the cuff.
Carefully. Slowly.

BLUE
It -- tickles.

The doorbell RINGS.

MARGO
Who the hell could that be?

SETH
I’ll get it.

He starts for the door. Carrie gets up.

CARRIE
Let me come with you.
(off his look)
Just in case.

Cue The Fuzz

2011-12-23T10:33:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy holly-daze. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, it's a holly jolly Christmas in Beverly Hills when a freak snow storm hits for the first time ever, just as private eye Carrie Love arrives at her family's home with her client on the run Blue Wonder. Little do they know that strip club owner/white slave trafficker Tolly Chill and his band of goons are on their way to get them ...

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS - SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
Big, heavy snowflakes start falling.
Making a real mess.

A black SUV travels down the thoroughfare
in heavy traffic.

INT. SUV - CONTINUOUS
Tolly drives, while Porkpie watches
the hand-held GPS device in the passenger seat.
In the back sit Aldo and Mick.

PORKPIE
I can’t believe it’s fucking SNOWING.
Weather report said nothing about no SNOW.

TOLLY
Look at these idiots.
No one can drive in this shit.
(beat)
So what’s it say?

PORKPIE
They’re still moving. Going west on --
(squints)
Looks like -- they’re further east on Sunset.

TOLLY
Whaddaya mean looks like?

PORKPIE
Fuckin’ screen is so small.
It’s hard to tell.

TOLLY
(GRABS it)
Gimmee that fuckin’ thing.

He tries to read it as he’s driving.
Doesn’t see --

UP AHEAD
A car SCREECHES to a halt.

THE SUV
CRASHES into it. BANG.

TOLLY
Shit.

PORKPIE
Nice one.

TOLLY
Shut the fuck up.

MICK
This car legal?

TOLLY
Hell, yeah.

ALDO
They gonna find anything
when they run your license?

TOLLY
What the fuck do YOU think?

OUTSIDE THE SUV
A grim-looking SUIT
appears in Tolly’s window.
Knocks on it. Tolly rolls it down.

GRIM-LOOKING SUIT
You hit my car.

TOLLY
What are you gonna do about it?

GRIM-LOOKING SUIT
(holds up his cell phone)
I’ve called the police.
Now we need to exchange
insurance information.

TOLLY
How ‘bout we exchange THIS?

He PUNCHES Grim-Looking in the face.
BANG, he goes down.

Tolly HITS the gas,
and they drive away.

EXT. MARGO’S MANSION - AT THAT MOMENT
The entire estate is now covered
in a blanket of snow.

Carrie pulls her monster Olds convertible
into the driveway.

CARRIE
I’ve never seen -- snow before. Amazing.

BLUE
Reminds me of home.

CARRIE
Looks like you got yourself a
White Christmas.
(beat)
Listen, I gotta warn you.
My family is kinda -- strange.

BLUE
Who’s isn’t?

CARRIE
Point well taken.

They get out of the car.
SLAM the doors.

CARRIE
We’re just gonna stay for a sec.
When Bernie gets here,
we’ll get that cuff off you,
then we can --

BERNIE
Pulls up the driveway.

CARRIE
(sees him)
Cue the fuzz.

Bernie gets out of his car.
Walks over. Huddles in his coat.

BERNIE
You owe me one, BIG TIME.
(looks up)
What’s up with the fucking SNOW?
(looks at Blue)
So this is -- ?

CARRIE
My CLIENT, Bernie.
Blue Wonder, Bernie Keko.
Bernie, Blue.

BERNIE
'Blue Wonder?' Sounds like --

CARRIE
CAN IT, Bernie.

BLUE
My parents were hippies.

CARRIE
And her sister was murdered.
So can we get this over with?
I’m fucking freezing.

BERNIE
Lead on, MacDuff --

Lady Macbeth

2011-12-21T10:22:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy holi-daze. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, just as private eye Carrie Love's mother Margo starts recovering from her stroke -- and is enjoying her meds -- her dead husband's second wife Eva arrives on the scene to try and take control, making for quite the tricky Christmas Eve ...

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A hospital bed has been set up in a corner of the room.
Margo lies on it with an IV tube in her arm.

The private nurse, LAYLA (25),
a lovely HISPANIC GIRL, adjusts the dosage.

MARGO
Do I really have to wear
this fucking thing in my arm?

LAYLA
It’s a sedative. It’ll calm you down.
Most people like it.

MARGO
What about food? Nutrients?

LAYLA
You’re not a vegetable.
You can still eat.

MARGO
Seth, could you go make me a sandwich?

SETH
Leans against the fireplace.
Wearily looks at his mother.

SETH
When I had dinner an hour ago
you said you weren’t hungry.

MARGO
You know I hate pizza.
I’d like turkey on wheat with mustard.
And bring me a fresh cocktail.

LAYLA
I’m sorry -- no alcohol.

MARGO
Not even a beer?

LAYLA
NO ALCOHOL.
(adjusts the drip)
How about this?

Margo’s eyes glaze over.

MARGO
Oooh. That’s -- nice.

Seth rolls his eyes.
Starts off for the kitchen.

The doorbell RINGS.

MARGO
Shit. It’s Lady Macbeth.
Somebody go get my rifle.

The doorbell RINGS again.

LAYLA
I’ll get it.

MARGO
No. Don’t let her in.

LAYLA
But that’s rude.

MARGO
Now you’re catching on.

Seth comes back in from the kitchen.
Hands Margo a sandwich on a plate
and a glass of milk.

SETH
I’ll get it. Chew slowly, Mom.
(under his breath)
Wouldn’t want you to choke.

MARGO
(to Layla)
I assume MILK is okay?

Seth goes to the door. Opens it.

In walks EVA LOVE (40),
Carrie’s father’s second wife.

Blonde. Blue-eyed. Aryan. Curvy. No-nonsense.
A bit formal in a designer suit.
With a clipped German accent to match.

She rolls in her suitcase.
Rushes to Margo’s bed.

EVA
Margo, how are you feeling?
Are you alright?
Seth called me at the airport.
My heavens, all this tragedy in one family.
Poor Tad. He was such a bright young man.
And on the holidays. Tsk-tsk.

MARGO
Get the fuck out of my face, you witch.
(looks at the bag)
Back from another trip, I see.
Must be nice to travel so much.

EVA
I was closing up my apartment in Berlin.

MARGO
Oh dear, then I guess you had
to let the stormtroopers go.

Pause.

EVA
Seth. It’s so good to see you again.
My, you’re looking more and more
like your father every day.

SETH
Hi, Eva. Thanks for coming.
We’re so glad you could make it.

MARGO
(to Layla)
Everyone says he looks more like me.

An uncomfortable silence.

SETH
So, uh -- Carrie should be here any minute.

EVA
Splendid. It will be nice to see her, too.

MARGO
You talked to CARRIE?
She didn’t return MY call.

SETH
She’s working on a case, Mom.
You can’t exactly check your messages
when you’re rescuing someone from the bad guys.

LAYLA
Is she -- a cop?

SETH
She used to be.
Now she’s a private detective.

MARGO
After she was kicked off the force.

Pause.

EVA
Perhaps I should make some coffee.
How about it? Maybe with some brandy in it?

SETH
Sure. Great.

LAYLA
I’ll come help.

PUSH IN ON Margo.
She raises her arm with the IV drip.

MARGO
I’ll stick with what I’m having --

Axis Of Evil

2011-12-20T09:54:00.000-08:00

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, as private eye Carrie Love and her client Blue Wonder make their getaway, Tolly Chill and his goons track where they are from the electronic ankle cuff they put on Blue, so Carrie calls her ex-partner/ex-husband, homicide detective Bernie Keko, who is NOT pleased that she's interrupting his football game ...

INT. GERO’S MANSION - STUDY - NIGHT
Tolly and Gero stand in the studio.
Tolly’s holding a hand-held GPS tracking device.
He looks at it. Squinting.

TOLLY
She hasn’t gotten that far.

GERO
Fucking IDIOT.
How could you let her get away?

TOLLY
She was fucking tied up, Pop.
Bound and gagged, the whole deal.
(beat)
I KNOW how to immobilize a hostage --

A KNOCK at the door.

GERO
Who the FUCK is it?

PORKPIE (O.C.)
It’s me, boss.

GERO
Get your ass IN HERE.

The door opens. In walks Porkpie.

PORKPIE
Still can’t find her, sir.

TOLLY
That fucking detective helped her escape.
I know it. She followed me from the club.
Fucking bitch dissed me. I’ll show her.

GERO
You let a PRIVATE DICK follow you here?
You IDIOT. Get your stupid ass OUTTA HERE
and go GET ‘EM. Take Porkpie,
and bring Aldo and Mick.

TOLLY
I’m on my way.
(to Porkpie)
Come on.

He goes to the door.

GERO
God help me, if you don’t get both of them,
there’s gonna be HELL to pay.

INT. CARRIE’S OLDS - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Carrie drives like a maniac.
She runs a red light. Cars HONK.

BLUE
Do you have to drive so FAST?

CARRIE
I’m sorry, but my brother
was killed in a hit and run,
my mother had a stroke,
and my stepmother is on her way to visit --
and in my family, that’s the Axis of Evil.

BLUE
Holy shit. I’m -- sorry.
(beat)
So we’re -- going over there?

CARRIE
I’m sorry, but I have to. Just for a sec.
We still gotta figure out what to do
about that ankle cuff.
That greasy chucklehead is
gonna be on our tail pretty soon.

BLUE
You don’t know how to get it off?

CARRIE
I wish I did, but I never --
(beat)
WAIT a minute.
(grabs her cell, dials a number)
Bernie. It’s me.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. BAY STREET - BUNGALOW - NIGHT
A few blocks from the beach in Santa Monica.
On a leafy street, a Craftsman bungalow
divided into apartments.

INT. BERNIE’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Clean, but spare. A MAN sits watching
a football game on the TV in a tiny living room.

Meet BERNIE KEKO (40’s), Carrie’s ex-partner.
And ex-husband. Rugged good looks.

A bit gone to seed. But still a player.
He cradles the phone under his chin.
Reaches for some popcorn.

BERNIE
I can’t talk right now, Carrie.
I’m watching the game.
(at the TV)
Go, GO, GO!

CARRIE
It’s an emergency.

BERNIE
Did someone DIE?
(at the TV)
C’mon ref, FOUL.

CARRIE
Yeah. My brother died,
my mother had a stroke, and --

BERNIE
I’m really sorry, but what does
that have to do with me?
As you might remember, we’re DIVORCED --
and it’s CHRISTMAS EVE.
(watches the TV)
GODDAMMIT.

CARRIE
Bernie, listen to me --
I wouldn’t bother you if it wasn’t an emergency.
I’ve got a client with me that was just KIDNAPPED,
and now that I’ve RESCUED her,
I’d like to take off the
electronic ankle cuff the bad guys put on her.
(beat)
She’s twenty years old, Bernie.
She’s a kid. And she’s scared shitless.
Can you help me or not?
I’ve gotta visit the family,
and I’d rather not have a bunch of
white slave traffickers follow me there.

BERNIE
Never a dull moment when you’re around --
(beat)
What model is it?

CARRIE
Hold on --
(to Blue)
The cuff.
Can you see who the manufacturer is?

Blue puts her foot up on the seat. Looks.

BLUE
It says -- 'Hawk.'

CARRIE
(to Bernie)
It’s a Hawk.
Does the department use that?

BERNIE
Hell if I know.
Just cut the fucker off.
Use some tin snips or something.
(at the TV)
SCORE!

CARRIE
Do you have tin snips?

BERNIE
I do, but --

CARRIE
BERNIE.

BERNIE
Goddamit, Carrie.

CARRIE
I know. I know. I owe you one.

BERNIE
You owe me FIVE.

CARRIE
I’ll never bother you again. Promise.

PUSH IN ON Bernie. Royally pissed. He sighs.

BERNIE
What’s the address?

Lesbo Action

2011-12-19T10:36:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, it's Christmas Eve, and private eye Carrie Love and her client Blue Wonder escape from the Hollywood Hills mansion where Blue was held hostage, but just as they make their getaway, Carrie gets a call from her brother Seth, who tells her their mother Margo just had a stroke ...

EXT. GERO'S MANSION - SIDE YARD - NIGHT
The girls walk toward the front of the house.
Carrie peers around the corner. Sees --

THE LARGE GOONS
Walking right toward her.
She slips back around the corner.
Takes Blue’s hand.

CARRIE
Someone’s coming.
Pretend you’re drunk.

And she GRABS Blue.
Starts making out with her.

BLUE
What are you --

CARRIE
Shhh.

Italian and Irish walk around the corner.

ITALIAN GOON
Fuck you, Mick.
She’s got the hots for me,
and you know it.

MICK
Yeah, right, Aldo.
Keep living in your little dreamworld.
She was makin’ eyes at ME.

They see Carrie and Blue.

MICK
Whoah. Lesbo action.

ALDO
Fucking HOT.

They walk by, eyeing the girls.

MICK
Way to go, LADIES.

ALDO
Can I join in?

Mick and Aldo snicker,
continue down around the house.

Carrie pulls away. Watches them go.
Lets go of Blue.

CARRIE
Sorry about that.
Hope I didn’t scare you.

BLUE
No -- not at all. That was --
(beat)
Kinda -- nice.

CARRIE
Remember, I’m like a sister.
(looks around)
C’mon, let’s blow this
white slavery stand.
Follow me.

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
A giant Tudor monstrosity on an acre
of land off Sunset Boulevard.

A long driveway behind a gated entrance.
Giant trees in the yard lit with tasteful white lights.

INT. MANSION - STUDY - CONTINUOUS
An ANGRY-LOOKING WOMAN (50’s) paces back and forth
in front a roaring fire.

Pert, classic WASP good looks, very Ralph Lauren.
She clutches a glass of scotch on the rocks.

Meet MARGO LOVE, Carrie’s mother.
Right now she’s three sheets to the wind.
And wracked with pain.

MARGO
(to someone offscreen)
I called her a couple of HOURS ago.
Where the hell IS SHE? It’s CHRISTMAS EVE.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Maybe the batteries died on her cell.
She’ll call, don’t worry.

Reveal SETH LOVE (20), Carrie’s sibling.
Last brother standing. Intense good looks.
Tori Amos T-shirt.

Holds a bottle of something imported.
He takes a swig.

MARGO
And that bitch EVA is on her way over.

SETH
She just wants to help, Mom.
It’s the holidays.

MARGO
Yeah, right. She HELPED herself
to half of your father’s money.
(drains her drink)
And what did I GET? A PITTANCE.
A mere PITTANCE.

She THROWS the glass in the fireplace.
It SHATTERS.

SETH
Calm down, Mom.
You know what the doctor said.

MARGO
That quack can go FUCK himself.
And that BITCH isn’t stepping
ONE FOOT in this house.
She’s a conniving SACK OF SHIT.

She clutches her chest.
Her face turns red.

She starts GAGGING. Hits the floor.
THWUMP. Starts having a stroke.

Seth RACES to her aid. Holds her hand.

SETH
Hold on, Mom -- HOLD ON.

He WHIPS OUT his cell phone.
Furiously PUNCHES 911.

INT. CARRIE’S OLDS - MOVING - NIGHT
Carrie drives the car down Laurel Canyon
into Beverly Hills.

CARRIE
I’ve got some -- bad news.

BLUE
What? You found out who --

CARRIE
Yeah.
(beat)
Tolly Chill killed your sister.

BLUE
How do you know THAT?

CARRIE
I overheard him talking
to his father about it --
in the room you were in.
(looks at her)
He recognized you right away.

BLUE
Then why did he take me to a PARTY?

CARRIE
He was planning on --
having some fun with you,
then killing you.

Blue looks out the window.
A tear streams down her cheek.

BLUE
I guess I’m not in Kansas anymore.

CARRIE
(looks in the mirror)
Welcome to the big, bad city.
(beat)
The question is, where do we go?
We can’t go back to my place,
because I gave Goombah Tolly my card.
(looks at her)
Where are you staying?

BLUE
At a motel near the club.
The International.

CARRIE
Scratch that.
They’ll check all the hotels and motels.
DEEP pockets.

Carrie’s phone RINGS.
She answers it.

CARRIE
Love here.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MANSION - STUDY - CONTINUOUS
Seth paces back and forth.
Watches an EMS team tend to Margo.
A PRIVATE NURSE stands by, watching.

SETH
Carrie, it’s Seth.

CARRIE
Hey, little brother.
Listen, I’m sorry.
I just got Mom’s message --

SETH
Don’t worry about that.
It’s Mom. She had a stroke --

CARRIE
Mom had A STROKE?

SETH
She’s okay. It was a mild one.
EMS is here now.
They say she’s okay.
We’ve got a private nurse,
and they’re gonna set Mom up
here in the den.

CARRIE
She’s not going to the HOSPITAL?

SETH
You know Mom hates hospitals.

CARRIE
Don’t remind me.
I’ll never forget having to
stitch up her forehead that time --

SETH
Can you come over?
I’m a little freaked out.
Eva’s coming over,
and I’m afraid her head
is gonna explode.
You’re the only one that can --
you know, calm her down.

CARRIE
I’m on my way.
(looks at Blue)
I gotta warn you.
I’ve got company.

SETH
Work or play?

CARRIE
Strictly work.

SETH
Cool. Is she hot?

Thinking With Your Dick

2011-12-16T09:53:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. Are you ready for the weak-end? Then it's time to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, private eye Carrie Love finally finds her client, Blue Wonder, tied up and drugged in a private room in Tolly's mansion ... and while the guests are mingling outside on the patio, she revives her so they can make their escape ...

EXT. TOLLY'S MANSION - BACK PATIO - NIGHT
The auction is over. The patio is overflowing
with guests mingling and smoking.

Carrie comes up the steps from the yard.
Stops. Looks around.

Heads toward the entrance into the house.
Two MEN IN DASHIKIS watch her.

AFRICAN PRINCE
Now THAT is a fine specimen.
A meal fit for a king.

AFRICAN DIPLOMAT
'the other white meat.'

They look at each other. Chuckle.
Carrie nears the doorway.
Sees Tolly. Turns her head.

CARRIE
Shit.

And hurries inside.

INT. MANSION - REAR LOUNGE AREA - CONTINUOUS
Carrie walks down the corridor she was chased down earlier.
Gets to the door that Blue ran into. Looks around. Nobody.

She puts her ear against the wood.
listens. Takes out a lock pick. Works it.
The door POPS open. She slips in.

INT. STUDY - CONTINUOUS
All lights out. Carrie tip-toes in the darkness.
She finds a lamp on the desk. CLICKS it on.
Sees Blue. Passed out in the chair. Head to the side.

CARRIE
BLUE.

She races over. Checks her pulse.

CARRIE
Thank god.

The doorknob CLICKS.

CARRIE
Shit.

She dashes over.
CLICKS off the light.

Hides under the desk.
The door OPENS.

In walks Tolly and Gero.
The light CLICKS on.

TOLLY
See? I told you. She’s safe.

GERO
You fucking idiot.
What the fuck were you thinking,
bringing her HERE? Shit-head.
Always thinking with your dick.
(stares at Blue)
Wait a minute.
She’s the other dame’s sister, ISN’T she?
The one we had to whack.
The one that worked at the club.

TOLLY
Of course not.
You think I’m THAT stupid?

GERO
Yeah, I DO.
What were you planning to do with her?

TOLLY
Uh, I was gonna fuck her -- then whack her.

GERO
Well, there’s nothing wrong with that,
but you brought her HERE, to my HOME.

TOLLY
I didn’t wanna miss the party.
I was gonna do her afterwards --
and then take her somewhere and DO her.

GERO
Jesus fucking Christ on a stick.
(sighs)
Well, what’s done is done.
We’ll keep her here until the party’s over.
And then you whack her WITHOUT fucking her.
Got it?

TOLLY
Got it. I’m sorry, Pop. I fucked up.
Please forgive me.

GERO
Fuck it. It’s Christmas.
Let’s go join our guests.
I could really use a drink.

Tolly shuts off the light. They leave.
The door CLICKS shut.

Carrie emerges from under the desk.
She goes to Blue.

Unties her wrists, her feet.
Sees the ankle cuff.

CARRIE
She’s under house arrest.

Takes off the blindfold.
The gag. Sees she’s out cold.

She SLAPS Blue on the cheek.
Nothing. AGAIN. Still nothing.

CARRIE
Shit.

Carrie looks around the room.
Sees a coffee machine.

She races over. Fills a cup with java.
She forces a cup down Blue’s throat.
Then another. Nothing. Gets an idea.

She goes to the sink.
Fills a pitcher of water.
Carries it over to Blue --

And THROWS it on her face.
DRENCHING her. Blue stirs.

CARRIE
NOW we’re talking.
(SLAPS her)
BLUE. Wake up. It’s ME, Carrie.

Blue opens her eyes. Groggy.

BLUE
Carrie?

CARRIE
C’mon. You gotta get up.
We gotta get you outta here.

BLUE
I’m -- all wet.

CARRIE
Sorry about that.

She LIFTS Blue up onto her feet.

BLUE
There were -- these men. They --

CARRIE
I know. Shhh. Save your strength.

Carrie pulls Blue toward the door.
Leans her up against the wall.
Slowly opens it. Peers out.

IN THE CORRIDOR
We see one of the GOONS standing guard.

IN THE STUDY
Carrie shuts the door.

CARRIE
We’re gonna have to go out the window.

BLUE
You got any coffee?

Carrie pours her another cup.
Blue drinks it.

Carrie goes to the window.
Tries to PUSH it up.
But it won’t budge.

CARRIE
Shit.

BLUE
Maybe it’s locked.
Check the -- doohickey thing on top.

CARRIE
Smart ass.

She CLICKS it open.
Blue drains her cup. Smiles.

BLUE
My sister and I used to
sneak out of the house all the time.
(beat)
Why are you dressed like that?

CARRIE
Long story. Tell you later.
Let’s get the fuck outta here.

Carrie climbs out the window.
Followed by Blue.

Always A Bridesmaid

2011-12-15T09:56:00.000-08:00

Smooth Criminal

2011-12-14T09:40:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, Blue Wonder escapes from Tolly's goons, only to be chased by them agaain, captured and knocked out. Meanwhile, private eye Carrie Love, disguised as a caterer, tries to rescue her ...

INT. TOLLY'S MANSION - BALLROOM - NIGHT
Tolly watches the auction.
Looks at his watch.

IN THE CORRIDOR OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM
Porkpie stands, waiting.
The door OPENS. Out comes Blue.

She sees him. Gets scared.
Starts RUNNING down the hall.
BUMPING into people.

He TAKES OFF after her.

BLUE
Opens a door half-way down the corridor.
DASHES in.

PORKPIE
Follows. SLAMS the door shut.

DOWN THE CORRIDOR
Stands Carrie. Watching.
She RACES toward the door.

SNOOTY CATERER (O.C.)
And where do you think YOU’RE going?

Reveal Snooty. Hands on hips. Livid.

CARRIE
I was -- going to take a break.

SNOOTY CATERER
A break? Who said you could take a BREAK?

INT. STUDY - CONTINUOUS
A home office. Blinds drawn. Dark and quiet.
Soundproofed. Blue cowers in the corner.
Porkpie locks the door.

BLUE
Please don’t hurt me.

PORKPIE
(walks toward her)
Don’t be silly. Tolly couldn’t find you.
He got worried.
(smiles)
C’mon. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

Blue GRABS a lamp.
Raises it like a club.

BLUE
Stay AWAY from me.

Porkpie GRABS it with a meaty paw.
Shakes his head. Grins.

PORKPIE
Feisty little thing, aren’t you?

She makes a fist. Tries to HIT him.
He GRABS it. SQUEEZES.

BLUE
OW.

He pulls a rag out of his pocket.
SHOVES it in her face.

She goes LIMP. HITS the floor, THUD.
Porkpie shakes his head.

Pulls out his cell phone.
Punches in a number. Listens.

PORKPIE
It’s me, boss.
(beat)
Yeah, I found her.
She was trying to split.
(beat)
In the study.

IN THE CORRIDOR
Snooty gets in Carrie’s face.

SNOOTY CATERER
Oh YEAH?

CARRIE
Yeah, I QUIT. Whaddaya think of that?

SNOOTY CATERER
I think you’re stupid.
If you quit, you won’t get paid.
Now get your ass in the kitchen
and get another plate.

TOLLY

Appears. Walking quickly toward them.
He sees Carrie. Stops.

TOLLY
YOU.

CARRIE
(sees him, to Snooty)
Shove it up your ASS.

And she SPRINTS off
in the opposite direction.

TOLLY
STOP THAT WOMAN.

Carrie gets to the end of the corridor,
DARTS to the left.

TOLLY
Takes off after her.

CARRIE
Gets to a set of double doors,
BANGS through them into --

THE KITCHEN
A madhouse of COOKS, BUTLERS, CATERERS.

Carrie RUNS through.
Everybody JUMPS back.

Tolly BURSTS in.
Looks around. Stops.

FAT COOK
(points)
She went that way.

He NODS, takes off after her.

EXT. MANSION - CONTINUOUS
Carrie SLAMS out the back door.
RACES over to a row of cars
in the staff parking lot.
DIVES behind a old Toyota.

Tolly RACES outside. Stops.
Looks around. WHIPS out his cell.

TOLLY
We’ve had a security breach.
I need every available man in the back.
Subject is female, dark haired,
dressed like a caterer.
(listens)
Tall, big boobs --
(listens)
Just get your asses OUT HERE.

Tolly looks around.
Walks over to the cars.

CARRIE
Hears his footsteps.
Crawls over to the next car over.

TOLLY
DASHES to the end.
TURNS the corner. Looks.

CARRIE
Scuttles across the cement between two cars.
ROLLS under the Toyota. Listens.
Tolly’s footsteps get nearer.

TOLLY (O.C.)
I know you’re out here.
(pulls out his gun)
I’m not gonna hurt you.
I just wanna talk to you.

Carrie takes off a shoe.
WHIPS it to the side.
It HITS a garbage can with a BANG.

TOLLY
Turns at the sound.
RACES over to the trash cans.

TOLLY
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

TWO GOONS
Come out the back door.
Tolly sees them. They trot over.

ITALIAN GOON
Hey, boss.

IRISH GOON
You find her?

TOLLY
Jesus fucking Christ.
Took you long enough.

He puts a finger to his mouth.
Shhhh. Nods at the cans.

KICKS one over.
LEAPS into the gap. Nothing.

TOLLY
GODDAMMIT.

CARRIE
Rolls out from under the car.
Takes off her other shoe.

WINGS it in the other direction.
It hits a tree with a CRACK.

TOLLY
Hears it.

TOLLY
THIS WAY, c’mon --

And they RACE OFF.

CARRIE
Slowly gets up.
Peers over the roof of the car.
Watches them.

Then starts walking
in the opposite direction.

CARRIE
Smooth Criminal.
(beat)
Not.

Coked To The Gills

2011-12-13T09:55:00.000-08:00

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, Blue Wonder realizes that the 'charity auction' at the Christmas party in the Hollywood hill is actually a cover for selling girls into slavery. She freaks out, and runs to the ladies' room to hide. Meanwhile, private eye Carrie Love searches for her ...

INT. MANSION - BALLROOM - NIGHT
A MAN IN A TUXEDO stands on a small platform behind a podium.
He leans into the microphone. BANGS a small gavel.

AUCTIONEER
Ladies and gentlemen.
Your attention, please.
It is time for the auction to begin.

TOLLY
Takes Blue’s hand.

TOLLY
Follow me, my love.

He pulls her toward the front.
Gero turns to an ASSOCIATE.

GERO
She looks a lot like that other girl he was dating,
don’tcha think? The one that -- disappeared?

ACROSS THE ROOM
We see Carrie. Dressed as a caterer,
holding a tray of drinks.
She scans the room. Looking for Blue.

ON THE STAGE
The auctioneer addresses the crowd,
now gathered in front of the stage.

A YOUNG GIRL (16) stands next to him,
elegant in Chanel. Simply beautiful.
Coiffed to perfection.

If you look really carefully,
you’ll recognize her as one of the
hostages we saw earlier in the plane.

CLOSE ON
The girl. Her eyes bright with frightened tears.

TUXEDO
Smiles. Takes her hand. Raises her arm.

AUCTIONEER
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m pleased to
introduce you to Elena Markova from Romania.
You will be bidding on having the opportunity
to have dinner with her at Le Cirque,
followed by an evening at the opera.
And please don’t be shy about your bidding --
remember, all proceeds from this auction
are going to charity. So let’s get out
those checkbooks and give, in the holiday spirit.

GERO
Nudges Swarthy. Chuckles.

GERO
Yeah. To me.

BLUE
Watches with Tolly. Curious.
Something’s a little -- off.
Maybe Carrie was right about him.

ELENA
Stands next to the auctioneer.
A tear runs down her cheek.

THE AUCTIONEER
Beams.

AUCTIONEER
The bidding will start at fifty-thousand dollars.
(BANGS the gavel)
Do I hear fifty-thousand dollars?

BLUE
Turns to Tolly.

BLUE
I need to go to the ladies’ room.

TOLLY
Certainly.
(points)
You remember the way we came in?
The ladies is to the left.

BLUE
Okay, thanks.

She hurries off.

CARRIE
Sees her. Starts following, carefully. Slowly.

BLUE
Moves through the crowd.
Makes her way to the front.

Decides to go outside.
Approaches the front door.

TWO MUSCLED GUARDS in uniform
with weapons stand sentry.
Blue smiles. Tries to move past them.

BLUE
Excuse me --

STRANGE-LOOKING MUSCLED GUARD
I’m sorry, Miss. No entrance
or exit until after the auction.

UGLY MUSCLED GUARD
Paparazzi. You know.

Blue stares at them. Startled.
Something is wrong here.

BLUE
Oh. Okay.
(beat)
Where is the -- ladies’ room?

STRANGE-LOOKING MUSCLED GUARD
(points)
Over that way. Second door on the left.

BLUE
Thanks.

She dashes off.
Ugly pulls out a walkie-talkie.

UGLY MUSCLED GUARD
Boss. Your dame.
She’s getting antsy. Tried to split.
(listens)
She went to the head.
(listens)
You got it.

He motions to someone.
Another GOON approaches.

We recognize him from the airport.
It’s Porkpie Hat.

PORKPIE HAT GOON
What’s up.

UGLY MUSCLED GUARD
Porkpie. Boss’ date tried to split.
She’s in the head. Go get her
and bring her back to him.

PORKPIE
Got it.

He moves toward the ladies’ room.

AT THE MAIN ENTRANCE
Carrie searches for Blue. Can’t find her.

IN THE BATHROOM
Blue goes into a stall. Closes the door.

Two EUROTRASH PLAYGIRLS walk in.
Go to the mirror. Start fixing their faces.
Chattering excitedly. Coked to the gills.

BLONDE EUROTRASH PLAYGIRL
Gero going to clean up tonight.
Four fresh, young virgins?
Right off boat? Hello? Is perfect gift.

BRUNETTE EUROTRASH PLAYGIRL
I was going to buy one, but Vlad said 'no.'
They might have disease.

She pulls out a coke snifter.
HONKS a bump. Passes it Blonde.

BLONDE EUROTRASH PLAYGIRL
(takes it, SNORTS)
I told you. Get girl from Thailand.
Much cheaper. And orientals are more -- obedient.

BRUNETTE EUROTRASH PLAYGIRL
Obedient?

BLONDE EUROTRASH PLAYGIRL
Three inputs. No waiting.

They look at each other.
Erupt into MAD LAUGHTER.

IN THE STALL
Blue sits. Listening. HORRIFIED.
She stands. Adjusts her top.
PUSHES the door open --

And goes to the sink. Grabs a towel.
Tries to dry her eyes.

BLONDE EUROTRASH PLAYGIRL
Oh, honey. What is wrong? Husband got outbid?

BLUE
That girl, on the stage -- was being SOLD.

BRUNETTE EUROTRASH PLAYGIRL
But of course. You not know what party this is?

BLONDE EUROTRASH PLAYGIRL
Do not feel bad. These girls are orphans.
No one love them. This way,
they get to have nice home. Money.
(gestures)
They will have EVERYTHING.

BLUE
But she wasn’t more than -- sixteen.
She’s a CHILD.

BRUNETTE EUROTRASH PLAYGIRL
So vat? I didn’t get out of Latvia
until I was twenty. She is LUCKY.

BLUE
You’re CRAZY. You’re -- SICK.
This is DISGUSTING.

Blue LURCHES. Doesn’t feel good.
RETCHES in the sink.
Blonde and Brunette LEAP BACK.

BLONDE EUROTRASH PLAYGIRL
Disgusting AMERICAN.

BRUNETTE EUROTRASH PLAYGIRL
Cannot hold LIQUOR.

And they dash out. Clucking. Snickering.

Deck The Fucking Halls

2011-12-12T10:10:00.000-08:00

One of The Good Guys

2011-12-09T09:52:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. Are you ready for the weak-end? Then it's time to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, private eye Carrie Love decides to follow strip club owner Tolly Chill, who's taking her new client Blue Wonder to a holiday party in the Hollywood Hills, as something about Tolly seems a bit 'off.' Then her mother calls to tell her know that her brother Tad was just killed in a car accident ...

EXT. FANTASY ISLAND STRIP CLUB - PARKING LOT - NIGHT
A black SUPER-STRETCH LIMO sits idling.

The DRIVER gets out.
Opens the rear door.
Stands at attention.

Nearby, Carrie sits in her
‘68 OLDSMOBILE DELTA 88 CONVERTIBLE.

Pulls out her cell phone.
Checks her voice mail.

CARRIE’S MOTHER (V.O.)
Carrie, it’s your mother --
(gasps)
Tad -- was in a -- car accident,
a drunk driver hit him -- he, he --
(beat)
He’s dead, Carrie.
Oh, my god -- he’s DEAD. On CHRISTMAS.
You have to come home, NOW.
Call me as soon as you
get this message, okay?
Call me, RIGHT AWAY.

CLICK.

CARRIE
Shit.

TOLLY AND BLUE
Walk toward the limo.
Get in. Driver closes the door.

CARRIE
Turns the key in the ignition.
The V8 engine ROARS.

CARRIE
You can choose your friends --

EXT. 10 FREEWAY - LIMO - MOVING - NIGHT
The super-stretch cruises east in the fast lane.

BEHIND THE LIMO
We see Carrie’s white whale tailing it,
two cars back.

ANGLE ON --
Carrie. Driving.
Cigarette dangling from her lip.

CARRIE (V.O.)
I had a funny feeling about Tolly Chill.
Something just wasn’t right.
So I decided to keep an
eye on Little Girl Blue.
I always feel protective
of youth and innocence.
Part of my code.
(beat)
I hadn’t spoken to my
brother Tad in eight years.
Little fucker was a right-wing,
born-again Christian.
Didn’t approve of my ‘lifestyle.’
That’s a good one, huh?
My YOUNGER BROTHER didn’t approve of --
(beat)
Sanctimonious little shit.
(beat)
My father and I had been
on the outs for a long time.
We finally reconciled --
right before he died.
Told me that while
we were in Splitsville,
he had made a fortune --
and that he was sorry,
but he had given all
his money to his new wife --
and my brothers Tad and Seth.
That it was an irrevocable trust,
and he couldn’t change it.
My mother and I were left out in the cold.
(beat)
I told him it didn’t matter.
It wasn’t about the money.
I was just glad to have him
back in my life.

Carrie FLICKS her cigarette
into the night.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Now, a few years later --
I gotta confess, it eats at me sometimes.
I’ve had to scratch and claw
to survive in the world,
while my brothers have
lived in the lap of luxury.
(beat)
They each got eight million.
My stepmother got fifteen.
And the house on the coast.
And the yacht.
The condo in the Bahamas --
(beat)
I’ll call her tomorrow.
Tell her my battery was dead.
Takes a little time
for me to fake grief.

Carrie pulls out a flask.
Takes a long pull.

CARRIE
What the fuck kinda name
is 'Tolly Chill' anyway?
Sure as hell isn’t
one of the good guys --

Fast, Cheap And Out Of Control

2011-12-08T09:59:00.000-08:00

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, Blue reveals to Carrie that she's really at the strip club to investigate the murder of her sister who was a dancer there. Just when Carrie agrees to help her with the case, club manager Tolly Chill invites Blue to a 'special holiday party' in the Hollywood Hills ...

INT. FANTASY ISLAND STRIP CLUB - NIGHT
Blue sits at far end of the bar with Carrie.
She’s now wearing jeans and a belly shirt.
They sip bottles of beer.

BLUE
I’m so embarrassed.

CARRIE
Don’t be. You were great.
(beat)
Minor detail.

BLUE
But I fucking FELL.

CARRIE
Adds to your charm.
They’re gonna offer you a job.
Just you wait.

Pause.

BLUE
So -- you’re a private detective.

CARRIE
I am. But keep it under your hat.
I come here to do a Garbo.
(pulls out her card)
Here. Just in case --

BLUE
(takes it, reads)
'Fast, Cheap & Out of Control?'

CARRIE
Marketing gimmick.
(takes a swig)
And it gives Joe Average a hard-on.

BLUE
How much do you charge?

CARRIE
Too much.
(beat)
Are you in some kind of trouble?

BLUE
It’s -- about my sister.

CARRIE
Is she in trouble?

Pause.

BLUE
She -- died.

CARRIE
I’m sorry. What happened?

Blue looks around.
Makes sure no one is listening.

BLUE
They said she committed suicide.
But that’s not true.
She’d never do that. Never.
Jonna would NEVER do that. No way.
(looks again)
She was a dancer here.
Jonna was trying to make it as an actress,
said this was just temporary,
that the money was great,
the people were nice,
and that she was making
some great contacts.
(sips her beer)
She wrote me once a week.
Then the letters stopped.
My parents were contacted by the police,
they said she’d killed herself.
(angry)
But she DIDN’T. I KNOW she didn’t.
(hisses)
Someone KILLED her.

CARRIE
I’m -- sorry.
(beat)
I was wondering what a nice girl like you
was doing here on Christmas Eve.

BLUE
I’m on break from college.
My parents think I’m on campus studying.
They’re really upset with me.
(eyes tearing up)
I’m gonna find out who KILLED her.

Pause.

Carrie stares at her.

CARRIE
I’ll do it.

BLUE
But you said you were too expense --

CARRIE
I am. But I made a bundle on my last case.
Time for me to pay it forward.
You know, karma.
(smiles)
Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.
(beat)
Ho, ho, ho.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
There she is. The lovely Miss Blue.

TOLLY CHILL
Appears before them. Suave.
Eyes crinkled with satisfaction.

BLUE
Oh, hi.

TOLLY
I’m Tolly. I run this joint.

BLUE
OH. Nice to meet you.
(beat)
I’m so embarrassed --

He raises her hand to his lips.
Kisses it. Smiles.

TOLLY
Nonsense. You were wonderful.
In fact, I’d like to offer you a job. Dancing.

CARRIE
See? What did I tell you?

TOLLY
(ignores Carrie, to Blue)
I’m going to a little holiday soirée
in the Hollywood Hills tonight --
and I’d love for you to accompany me.

BLUE
A party? In the Hollywood Hills?

TOLLY
Should be fun. Nice mix of people.
Movie stars, pro athletes, rock stars, politicians.
(smiles)
I’d be honored.

BLUE
Sure. I’d be honored.

TOLLY
Terrific. I have to go take care of
some business in the back office.
Stay here, have a drink on me,
and I’ll be back in a few minutes.

BLUE
Okay --

He bows. Turns, walks away. Carrie watches him.

BLUE
Holy SHIT. A party in the Hollywood Hills.

CARRIE
There’s something -- off about him.

BLUE
Don’t be silly. He’s cute.

CARRIE
Just be careful.

BLUE
He seems like a complete gentlemen.

CARRIE
Sure. All guys who run strip clubs
are 'complete gentlemen.'

BLUE
If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re jealous.

Pause.

CARRIE
If you’re going to hire my services,
you’re going to have to trust my judgment.
(off her stare)
Look. I’ve been around the block.
There’s a lot of sharks in this town
that can make a meal out of a gal like you.
Just be careful, okay? Keep your eyes open.

BLUE
Okay.

CARRIE
Okay. And don’t be afraid to call me
if anything gets -- weird.
Any time of the day or night.
Think of me like a big sister.

BLUE
I like that --

TOLLY
Appears. All smiles. Eyes flashing.

TOLLY
Are you ready to go?

BLUE
I need to go to the ladies room.
Be back in a sec.

She slides off her stool.
Grabs her purse. Heads for the loo.
Tolly and Carrie appraise each other.

TOLLY
(watches her)
Gorgeous girl.
(turns, looks at Carrie)
So what’s your story?

CARRIE
(hands him her card)
Carrie Love, PI. A friend.

TOLLY
(reads the card)
It’s nice to see the young lady has --
people watching out for her.
(weird smile)
Can’t be too careful these days.

PUSH IN Carrie. Finishing her drink.

CARRIE
Gotta watch out for those sharks.
(sips her beer)
Especially when you’re living in a fishbowl --

Cock Of The Walk

2011-12-07T10:05:00.001-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy 'hump day.' It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, wannabe-dancer Blue Wonder takes to the stage at the 'Christmas Eve amateur night contest' at the strip club. Meanwhile, at a nearby airport, a pair of Croatian thugs accept a 'holiday delivery' ... of underage girls ...

INT. FANTASY ISLAND STRIP CLUB - NIGHT

STANDING IN A DARK CORNER
Is TOLLY CHILL (27), dark-haired,
smouldering good looks.

The manager, and the owner’s son.
Cock of the walk.

TOLLY
(watching the stage)
Fresh off the boat.
(chuckles)
Catch of the day.

MUSIC
EXPLODES. The whip-cream,
pussycat chainsaw-snarl of
Groove Coverage’s 21ST CENTURY DIGITAL GIRL.

ONSTAGE
Blue GRABS the pole.
Wraps a long, lean thigh around it.
Moves to the music. She’s pretty good. Looks awesome.

And scared to death.
She closes her eyes.

The alcohol starts doing its trick.
She relaxes. Starts getting into it.
Starts singing along.

BLUE
'I got breast implants, paid for by my boyfriends --
I got a Botox injection under my skin --
I only play with sex, but I don't let them in --

And suddenly Blue’s ON FIRE. She WORKS it.
Undulates to the edge of the stage.
Dollar bills go FLYING.

A PIG-FACED SALESMAN
Licks his lips. Eyes big as saucers.

PIG-FACED SALESMAN
Yeah, honey -- GIVE IT UP.

BLUE
Twirls around.
Unhooks her halter top.
It FLIES off.

She grabs her breasts in her hands.
Starts flicking the nipples.

CARRIE
Watches from the bar.

CARRIE
She’s a natural.

BLUE
Goes to the pole. LEAPS UP,
GRABS it with her thighs.

Rides it like a horse.
KICKS a leg out --

And she SLIPS, FALLS, and
HITS the floor with a CRACK.

She lies motionless.
Then JUMPS UP and RUNS off the stage.

AT THE BAR
The bartender leans over to Carrie.
Shakes his head.

BARTENDER
Another one bites the dust.

CARRIE
You’re just jealous cause
you can’t have her.

BARTENDER
And you can?

CARRIE
Don’t look now,
but Dr. Phil down there
needs another Harvey Wallbanger.

EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - AT THAT MOMENT
A small PROPELLER AIRPLANE sits on the runway.
Like something out of an old movie.
Does this thing really FLY?

A van is parked nearby.
Two LARGE GOONS get out.
Walk over to the plane.

The TALLER GOON,
wearing shades and a porkpie hat,
pulls out his cell.
Punches a number.

PORKPIE HAT GOON
We’re here.
(listens)
Asshole. I told you to FEED them.

The airplane door opens.
Porkpie Hat looks at the SHORTER GOON,
who takes a sip from a flask.

PORKPIE HAT GOON
We might have three instead of four.

FLASK GOON
Long flight. No peanuts.

A ramp is lowered from the open doorway.
The goons walk up.

INSIDE THE PLANE
FOUR UNDERAGED ROMANIAN GIRLS (15-16)
sit huddled on the floor in chains.
One of them has vomited all over herself.

A SKINNY CROATIAN MAN (40’s) looks at them.
Shakes his head.

SKINNY CROATIAN MAN
Not my fault.
Boss said 'no more smack.'

PORKPIE HAT GOON
I’ve got a rag in the van.
C’mon, let’s move it.
Gotta big party tonight in the hills.
And Santa’s gotta deliver the presents --

Liquid Courage

2011-12-06T09:47:00.000-08:00

Up Close And Personal

2011-12-05T10:29:00.000-08:00

Rip Her To Shreds

2011-12-02T09:49:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. Are you ready for the weak-end? Then it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 33 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, we reach the exciting conclusion of our story, where ... if you think I'm gonna tell you what happens, you've got another thing coming ...

EXT. COLLEGE SCIENCE BUILDING - ROOF - NIGHT
The plywood starts to BUCKLE.
A hand PUNCHES through.

Jool SCREAMS.
Another hand PUNCHES through.
And ANOTHER.

ROMMY
Oh, NO you don’t --

He GRABS the chainsaw.
RIPS the cord. It ROARS to life.

ROMMY
Stand BACK.

Jool RACES out of the way.
The board FLIES off the doorway --

And a pack of zombies CHARGES at Rommy.
He SWINGS the chainsaw back and forth,
RIPPING THEM TO SHREDS --

DRENCHING him in blood, brains,
skull, guts and goo.

ROMMY
Got you NOW, mother-FUCKERS.

JOOL
Watches. Horrified. Amazed.

Suddenly the ROAR
of a helicopter up above.
They both look.

Jool starts jumping up and down.
Waving her arms. YELLS.

JOOL
Over HERE, over HERE.

Rommy smiles.
Starts to put the chainsaw down,
just as ANOTHER WAVE of zombies
comes PILING THROUGH THE DOOR.

He RIPS the cord.
Brandishes it over his head.

ROMMY
Oh, YEAH? You want some more of THIS?
And he RIPS INTO THEM,
SPRAYING a FOUNTAIN OF BLOOD AND GUTS.

IN THE AIR ABOVE
Is a News Four chopper.

It starts slowly descending.
A rope ladder comes down.

Jool races over to it. GRABS it.
Starts to climb up, but it SNAPS --
and she HITS the roof. THWUNK.

ROMMY
Finishes ripping them apart.

Races over to Jool, chainsaw in hand,
nail gun tucked in his belt.

THE CHOPPER
Hovers above them.
The PILOT comes over the loudspeaker.

PILOT (V.O.)
(electronic)
Grab onto the undercarriage.
I’m afraid if I land,
more will come and get on.

Rommy nods. Drops the chainsaw.
Puts his hands together
in front of his knees.
Jool looks at him. Scared.

ROMMY
Climb up. HURRY --
(off her look)
C’mon, GO --

She nods.
Puts one foot onto his hands,
reaches up, and he BOOSTS
her up to the undercarriage.

She starts climbing up
to the cockpit, just as --

ANOTHER LATE-STAGE INFECTED PROFESSOR
Comes out onto the roof.
Starts coming toward Rommy.

He GRABS the chainsaw. Snarls --

ROMMY
I’m getting REALLY
fucking sick of you guys.

He YANKS the cord. Nothing.
YANKS it again. Nothing.

Yanks it AGAIN. It ROARS to life.
Then SPUTTERS OUT. He DROPS it.

Infected Professor starts getting closer.
Rommy pulls out the nail gun.

CHARGES at him.
JAMS it against his forehead.

Tries to NAIL him.
CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. Nothing.

ROMMY
God-DAMMIT.

He GRABS Professor’s head.
TWISTS his neck. CRACK.

Professor weaves a little,
then falls over. THWUMP.

Rommy JAMS the gun in his belt.
RACES over to the chopper.

Tries to JUMP UP and GRAB
the undercarriage -- but it’s too high.

He JUMPS again. GRABS IT.
His hand SLIPS, and he FALLS. THWUMP.
He gets back up. JUMPS again. Misses --

JOOL
Comes out the door of the cockpit.
Starts climbing back down.

THE PILOT
Watches her.
Shakes his head in amazement.

PILOT
Now THAT’S true love.

ON THE CHOPPER
Jool hugs the bars of the landing gear.
Reaches down. Rommy JUMPS UP.

GRABS her hand.
Starts climbing up, just as --

ANOTHER WAVE OF ZOMBIES
Flies out onto the roof.
CHATTERING. SCREAMING.

They RACE over toward Rommy
just as he works his legs up over the bar.

Rommy YANKS out the nail gun
and starts SMASHING them
on the head with it --
as the helicopter starts slowly rising.

IN THE HELICOPTER
The pilot, a grizzled, old news pro
looks at Rommy and Jool climbing in.
Tips his baseball cap.

GRIZZLED PILOT
Bet you kids were shore glad to see ME.

They nod, staring down below
at the zombies filling the roof.

Relieved. Hugging each other tightly.

ROMMY
You could say that.

JOOL
Thanks, mister.

GRIZZLED PILOT
Funny thing.
First I was trying to cover the story,
then I had to start saving people
like you trapped on top of the buildings.
Life sure is funny sometimes, huh?

Rommy gazes at Jool.
A glimmer of a smile.

She wipes his face with her sleeve.
Nuzzles him with her nose.

ROMMY
(softly)
Hilarious.

Jool sighs.
Runs her fingers through Rommy’s hair.

GRIZZLED PILOT
So where do you want me
to drop you two lovebirds off?

ROMMY
(looks at Jool)
Where do you want to go?

She smiles faintly.
Shakes her head. Exhausted.

JOOL
You decide.

He thinks a moment.
Then brightens.

ROMMY
I hear Staten Island
is really nice this time of year --

She nods. Leans in.
And they kiss.

FADE TO BLACK

Till Death Do Us Part

2011-12-01T10:19:00.000-08:00

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. Do you know where your children are? Your parents? Your better half? Well, fuck 'em, because it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 32 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, we hurtle toward the exciting conclusion, as Rommy and Jool escape to the roof of the college science building, as a horde of ravenous zombies chase after them ...

INT. HUNTER COLLEGE BUILDING - FIRST FLOOR FOYER - NIGHT
A pack of screaming, chattering ZOMBIES
run into the building, now smelling uninfected human flesh.

IN THE STAIRWELL
Rommy leads Jool by the hand
as they stumble up the stairs.

He looks over the railing,
sees them coming from below.

ON THE SECOND FLOOR STAIRS
The wave of creatures FLIES UP the steps.

AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS
Rommy and Jool get to a door to the roof.
He tries to open it, but it’s LOCKED.

ROMMY
SHIT.

Jool looks at her hand.
It’s normal. She looks at him.

JOOL
The vaccine?

ROMMY
Yeah. We’re both good.

He KICKS it open, BANG.
They RACE OUT onto --

EXT. HUNTER COLLEGE SCHOOL OF MEDICINE - ROOF - NIGHT
Rommy SLAMS the door shut.
Sees a bunch of
construction equipment and lumber.
Abandoned during the apocalypse.

He walks over.
Picks up a nail gun.
Looks at Jool.

ROMMY
Go find the fire escape.
I’ll nail the door shut.
They’ll be up here any SECOND.

She nods.
Races off across the roof.
He grabs a board.

Starts NAILING it
across the door with the gun.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

Grabs another board.
Starts nailing it.

Suddenly there’s
BANGING and SCREAMING
on the other side.

ROMMY
SHIT.

A mutant head CRASHES
through the door above the board.

He SHOOTS it between the eyes
with the nail gun.

It SCREAMS and POPS,
drenching him with goo.

ROMMY
FUCK.

He grabs another board.
Starts nailing it over
where the head crashed through.
BANG, BANG, BANG.

A pair of mutant arms
BURSTS through above that.
Then ANOTHER. And ANOTHER.

ROMMY
NO, NO, NO --

He WHIRLS around.
Sees a CHAINSAW. GRABS it.
YANKS the cord.
The motor ROARS.

He SAWS through the arms --
CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH.
Gets SPRAYED with blood.

JOOL
Walks around the perimeter, searching.

JOOL
They don’t have a fire escape?

She makes it all the way around.
No dice. Then realizes.

JOOL
That’s what they were BUILDING.

ROMMY
Stands in a bloody mess
of zombie arms and limbs.

NAILING a giant piece of plywood
over the door.

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

He finishes.
Takes off his sweater.
Wipes his face.

Jool RACES over.
Puts her arms around him.

JOOL
Rommy.

ROMMY
God, you feel so GOOD.

JOOL
So do you.

ROMMY
I missed you so much.

JOOL
I missed you MORE.

They hold each other.
Suddenly more BANGING on the door.

ROMMY
That’s not going to hold very long.

You find the fire escape?

JOOL
There ISN’T ONE. We’re TRAPPED.

ROMMY
Then we’re fucked.

JOOL
I don’t mind dying,
now that I’ve got you back.
(beat)
At least we had these --
last few moments together.
(eyes fill with tears)
My whole life I’ve
forced myself to be strong --
and -- and --
(GASPS)
I can’t do it anymore.

She starts CRYING.
Rommy strokes her hair.
Comforts her.

ROMMY
Shhh. It’s gonna be okay.
You’re with me now.
We’re not gonna die.
You hear me?
We’re NOT gonna die.

The plywood starts to BUCKLE.
A hand PUNCHES through.

Jool SCREAMS.

Another hand PUNCHES through.
And ANOTHER.

TOO BE CONTINUED --

Until The End Of The Earth

2011-11-30T10:47:00.000-08:00

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. Would you like one hump, or two? It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 31 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, it's a race against the clock when Rommy takes an unconscious Jool to a college science lab and gives her the HIZ virus antidote ... just as zombies start invading the building ...

EXT. HUNTER COLLEGE BUILDING - NIGHT
Old. Stately. Carved in stone above the door:
SCHOOL OF MEDICINE.

The SWAT truck pulls up in front. Stops.
Gaga sits the behind the wheel.
Nin rides shotgun. Rommy hops out.
Puts Jool over his shoulder. SLAMS the door.

ROMMY
We won’t be long.
Just stay in the truck.
You’ll be safe.

Gaga and Nin nod.
Rommy races inside.

INT. HUNTER COLLEGE - CHEMISTRY LAB - NIGHT
A maze of beakers, test-tubes and bubbling liquids
have been set up on a work table
like something out of Frankenstein.

Jool lies on top of another table, fast asleep.
Rommy watches the chemicals working.
He’s exhausted. Spent. Eyes are slits.
Every muscle in his body is aching.

He looks at a tube that’s
dripping liquid into a beaker.

ROMMY
(reads the sheet of paper with the formula)
Then add five cc’s of contaminated blood.
(grabs a syringe, unwraps it)
We’re almost there --

He JABS the needle in her arm.
Fills the syringe with blood.

SQUIRTS it into the beaker.
Stirs it with a glass rod.

A door BANGS OPEN behind him.
He turns and looks.

It’s a late-stage INFECTED PROFESSOR.
Just about to turn.

He starts walking toward them.
Points at Jool. Licks his lips.

LATE-STAGE INFECTED PROFESSOR
Hungry --

Rommy GRABS a length of
steel tubing off the table --

ROMMY
Stay away from my GIRLFRIEND.

And SHOVES it in his eye with a CRUNCH.
He COLLAPSES to the floor, THWUNK.

Rommy DASHES over to the work table.
Starts filling a pair of syringes with the vaccine.

INT. SWAT TRUCK - AT THAT MOMENT
Gaga and Nin sit in the truck, watching for zombies.

NIN
I wonder what’s taking them so long?

GAGA
Dunno.

NIN
Are you okay?

GAGA
I miss my brother.

NIN
I’m sorry. What was he like?

GAGA
God, he was AMAZING.
He developed the vaccine, you know.

NIN
No, I didn’t.
(sees something)
OhmiGOD.

GAGA
(turns, looks)
What.
(sees)
Oh, NO.

EXT. SWAT TRUCK - NIGHT
A WILD, RABID PACK OF ZOMBIES ATTACKS the truck.
Swarms all over it like bees on a hive.
POUNDING on it, SCREAMING.

IN THE TRUCK
Gaga and Nin hug each other for dear life.

GAGA
I can’t TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

NIN
Our father, who art in heaven --

The zombies BURST THROUGH the windows
and start RIPPING THEM TO SHREDS
and FEASTING ON THEM.

INT. CHEMISTRY LAB - NIGHT
Rommy injects Jool’s arm with the vaccine.
Watches her.

Waits for some sign of life.
Takes her pulse.

ROMMY
Better, better --

He gives himself an injection.
Holds his arm up. Rubs it.

Looks at Jool. Still nothing.
Walks over to the window.
Looks out. Goes white.

ROMMY
Holy shit.

JOOL (O.C.)
Where are we?

Rommy SPINS AROUND. Sees Jool.
Sitting on the counter top.
Sleepy-eyed. Scared to death.

JOOL
That was some gnarly-ass nightmare.
(beat)
Could you hold me?

He RACES over to her.
Hugs her for dear life.

ROMMY
You’re okay. You’re OKAY.

JOOL
Can we -- get some ice cream?

ROMMY
There’s no time for that right now.
Zombies are coming into the building.
We gotta go.

JOOL
(hugs him tight)
Will you protect me?

ROMMY
Until the end of the earth.

He helps her down.
Grabs her hand.

ROMMY
C’mon, follow me --

Women And Children First

2011-11-29T10:12:00.000-08:00