Wednesday, March 22, 2017

The Great Escape


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, liberal Rommy climbs up conservative Jool's building and meets her on her balcony, where he asks her to run away with him to escape their parents' disapproval of their love ...


EXT. CARLING’S MANSION - NIGHT
Rommy climbs up the drainpipe
on the exterior wall of the house.

He pulls himself up.
Feet search for a resting place.

They find it, on a narrow ledge.
He rests a moment. Winded.

ROMMY
This is great, Rommy. Just great.
You’re gonna get yourself killed.
I should have my head examined.

He takes a deep breath. Starts climbing.
Goes up, up, up -- until he’s
just below Jool’s balcony.

He carefully grips the pipe.
Keeps climbing. Sees her window.

ROMMY (CONT'D)
Thank god. Light from her yonder window --
(calls out)
JOOL.

Jool rushes out onto the balcony. Sees him.

JOOL
ROMMY?

Rommy climbs over. Goes to her.
Takes her hands in his.

ROMMY
Hey, there. Miss me?

JOOL
You -- climbed up the building.

ROMMY
You are the sun, and the moon is --
really pissed off. I don’t know.
Something like that.

JOOL
Rommy, oh Rommy. Wherefor art thou --
(beat)
At two in the morning.

ROMMY
My bike had a flat and I had to walk.
(beat)
And running away from home is
a big decision, you know? Kinda stressful.

JOOL
I can’t believe you’re here.

ROMMY
Neither can I. That was SOME climb.

JOOL
Wait a minute.
You said 'running way from home?'

ROMMY
Okay, look. Here’s the deal.
Our families have forbidden us
from seeing each other.
Well, I say screw them.
Why do we have to do what THEY say?
We can still be together.

JOOL
You mean --

ROMMY
Come away with me.
I’ve got some money saved up --
(off her look)
I know it’s really sudden.
If you need time to think about it,
I totally understand.

JOOL
YES. YES. I will --

ROMMY
Really?

NIN (O.C.)
Jool, what are you doing out there?
You’ll catch your death of cold.

JOOL
Hold that thought. I’ll be right back.

INT. JOOL’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Jool dashes over to Nin excitedly.

JOOL
It’s Rommy. He’s HERE.
He climbed UP THE BUILDING.

NIN
Really?

JOOL
YES. Guard the door.
If Uncle Carling comes by,
tell him I’m asleep.

NIN
You got it.

JOOL
Thanks.

She DASHES back out onto --

THE BALCONY
Where Rommy stands waiting.

ROMMY
Everything okay?

JOOL
Yeah. That was my -- Nin.
She watches out for me.
But you better get out of here.
If my uncle finds you,
he’ll KILL you.

ROMMY
Okay. What time should we meet tomorrow?

JOOL
How about -- nine-AM?

ROMMY
(nods)
Nine-AM.

JOOL
Where should we meet?

ROMMY
Times Square. We’ll be safe there --
we can disappear in the crowd.
Meet me in front of the
old Disney store ruins.

JOOL
Isn’t that -- kinda hokey?

ROMMY
(sings, off-key)
Can you feel the love tonight --

JOOL
Okay, okay --
(grabs him)
Kiss me, you fool.

And they embrace.
Kiss passionately. Pull apart.

Rommy smiles.
Then suddenly looks freaked out.

JOOL (CONT’D)
What’s wrong?

ROMMY
I just realized.
Now I’ve gotta climb back down --

Monday, March 20, 2017

Going Rogue


Hey there, crime kids. Happy first day of Spring. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Merk gets himself ejected from the Republic of Manhattan by pretending to be infected with the zombie virus ... so he can look for his sister Gaga who was ejected because she was infected ...


EXT. DOWNTOWN MANHATTAN - THE WALL - NIGHT
A three-story-high wall
of cinder blocks now
surrounds the city-state.

Coils of barbed wire on top.
A sentry station at each block
with armed guards.
Searchlights sweep the area.

All is quiet.
It’s past curfew.

Merk walks west toward the
end of Christopher Street.

Backpack loaded with supplies.
Face smeared with green makeup
for that ‘infected’ look.

He gets near the wall. Stops.
Looks up at the sentry box.

MERK
Oh, great soldier of
the Republic, what say you?

A spotlight WHOOSHES
across the dark sky.

Lands on Merk, illuminating
him in its bright light.

NASTY GUARD (O.C.)
HALT.
Who goes there?

MERK
It is I, Merk Rowe,
here to give myself up.
I have become infected
with the virus and
wish to leave, sire.
I simply wish a
safe exit without harm.

A giant net FLIES DOWN,
trapping Merk.

The rope YANKS UP, and
he’s lifted into the air.

MERK (CONT'D)
Thank you, my lord.

EXT. NEW JERSEY WATERFRONT - STREET CORNER - NIGHT
We recognize the area
as the same place where
Gaga ended up
earlier in the story.
Deserted. Ominously quiet.

Merk comes around a corner,
looking bruised and battered.
But okay. He holds a lantern.
Picks his way through the rubble.

MERK
Okay, now if I
were newly-infected
seventeen-year-old-girl,
where would I go?

Friday, March 17, 2017

Puppy Love


Hey there, crime kids. Happy St. Patrick's Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Rommy's liberal father Carling forbids him from seeing the conservative Jool. Meanwhile, Jool's conservative Uncle forbids her from seeing the liberal Rommy ...


EXT. GREENWICH VILLAGE BROWNSTONE - NIGHT
A beautiful pre-war three-story
single-residence on a leafy side street.
Elegant. Tasteful. Like out of a time capsule.

INT. MONT RESIDENCE - STUDY - NIGHT
A manly, academic lair.
Bookcases crammed with classic books.

A fire CRACKLES in the hearth.
Classic jazz on the hi-fi.

Prints of classic art.
The joint is, in a word -- classic.

ORSON MONT (40’s) sits at his desk.
Good-looking with a shock of dark hair.

Professorial threads.
Eyes normally crinkled with good humor.
But not now. Not when they’ve been betrayed.
Seated before him is Rommy, beyond upset.

ROMMY
But Dad, that’s not FAIR.

ORSON
LIFE isn’t fair, Rommy. You know that.
I’m sorry, but NO son of mine will EVER
be associated with a KAPP.
Did you know they’re trying to
pass a law that anyone who gets infected
is to be SHOT ON SIGHT?
(beat)
And what about the election?
What do you think my chances would be
if word gets out that
my son is dating a KAPP?
I’d have to disown you.
And you don’t want THAT, do you?
(off his stare)
Don’t worry son,
it’s only puppy love.
You’re young.
You’ll get over it.
There’s plenty of fish
below fourteenth street.
(beat)
Now, if you’ll excuse me,
I’ve got a conference call.

He reaches over.
Starts dialing a number on the phone.

Rommy glares at his father. Angry. Leaves the room.
IN THE CORRIDOR

Rommy shuts the door quietly.
Looks at it. Seething.

ROMMY
Just try and STOP me.

INT. CARLING’S MANSION - JOOL’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Jool sits on her bed.
Eyes on fire. Royally pissed off

Carling sits next to her.
Tries to comfort her.

CARLING
You’ll see, honey. It’s for the best.
No niece of mine can be seen
associating with a Mont.
Did you know they’re trying to pass a law
that will give the infected equal rights?

JOOL
But I LIKE him. He’s kind, decent, sensitive --
nothing like the pompous jerks up here.
He cares about people, not MONEY.

CARLING
Now you’re talking crazy.
(sighs)
It’s just a schoolgirl crush.
Tate is much better for you.
He comes from a good family.

Jool stares at him, wild-eyed.

JOOL
But I don’t even KNOW him --

CARLING
It’s all been settled, darling.
The wedding has been set for next week --

Nin appears in the doorway.
Arches an eyebrow.

Carling nods for her to
come and take over. He stands.

She walks over. Sits next to Jool.
Tries to comfort her.

CARLING (CONT'D)
Get some rest, my love.
You’ll feel better in the morning.
Nin here will take care of you.

He leaves. Jool looks at Nin.

JOOL
What am I going to do?
I want to go out with Rommy,
not marry somebody I don’t know.
And Uncle Carling said
the marriage is NEXT WEEK --

NIN
We’ll see what we can do about THAT.

JOOL
Really?

NIN
Of course. Ever since your parents --
(beat)
I’ve thought of you like a daughter.

They hug.

JOOL
So do I. I mean, you, like my mother.
(sighs)
What are we going to do?

NIN
I don’t know. But don’t worry.
There’s more than one way
to skin a fat-cat.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Fresh Meat


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, 'infected revolutionary' leader Brick Cosmo takes Gaga to his secret headquarters, where she meets the rest of his team ... just in time to fend off a zombie attack ...


INT. ABANDONED CONVENIENCE STORE - AT THAT MOMENT
Dark and dank. Windows boarded up.
A series of crude bunk beds line one wall.
On another, shelves filled with supplies.

Brick stands in front of his
group of INFECTED REVOLUTIONARIES.

There’s about a dozen of them,
in various stages of decay.
But none of them are too far-gone.

Standing next to him is Gaga.
Looking around nervously.

BRICK
This here’s Gaga.
She was just infected
and thrown to the wolves.
And she’s decided to
join the revolution.

The group starts murmuring.
MONSTER (30’S), big and burly, stands.
Stares at Gaga. Points a finger.

MONSTER
But she’s just a young GIRL.
How’s she supposed to FIGHT?

BRICK
So what was I supposed to do,
let the terminals GET her?
And besides, it’s
strength in numbers, Monster.

RENO (20’s), a tough biker chick, sneers.

RENO
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Last time I looked,
we’re not on Sesame Street.

MONSTER
I say we VOTE on it.
All that say NAY, raise your hands.

He SHOOTS his hand up.
Half the group raises their hands.

GAGA
Can I say something?

BRICK
Sure thing, little lady.
The floor is yours.

Gaga looks at the group.
Scared to death. But defiant.

GAGA
I’ll have you know that I’m a Mont,
NOT a Kapp, and that we think
how you’ve been treated is unfair --

MONSTER
Big fucking deal.

GAGA
And -- that my brother has
developed a vaccine for the virus.

A hush falls over the room.

BRICK
Really? You didn’t tell me that.

GAGA
Well, what with escaping from
the zombies and stuff,
it slipped my mind.

HAMMER (20’s), a dead ringer
for Ving Rhames chortles.

HAMMER
Bull-SHIT. How do we know
this fuckin’ vaccine WORKS?

GAGA
My brother’s a genius.
He’s second year pre-med,
and he’s only seventeen --

Something SLAMS against the front door.
BANG. BANG. BANG.

GAGA (CONT’D)
What’s THAT?

MONSTER
INFECTED ATTACK --

The BANGING increases.
Every wall in the room starts SHAKING.

Everybody LEAPS up. Races around.
Grabs their squirt guns.

Brick grabs a pair of super-soakers.
Hands one to Gaga.

GAGA
How did they find us?

BRICK
Smell. In the last six months
of infection, they’re like bloodhounds.
And you’re fresh meat.

Monster RACES over to the wall.
Opens a peep-hole. Looks out.

BRICK (CONT’D)
How many?

MONSTER
About a hundred --

GAGA
A HUNDRED?

MONSTER
Hell, we escaped from over a
thousand on the Jersey Shore --

GAGA
A THOUSAND?

MONSTER
Well, you know the Jersey Shore --

BRICK
Quick, everybody -- up to the ROOF.

The BANGING gets louder.
Red-clawed mutant hands
start punching HOLES in the walls.

Everybody RACES to the stairs
on the other side of the room.
Start RUNNING up the steps.

EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE ROOF - NIGHT
Brick, Gaga, Reno, Monster, Hammer
and the rest FLY out onto the roof.
Go to the sides. Look down.

AERIAL POV --
The building is surrounded by
A HOARD OF INFECTED ZOMBIES.

Ravenous, bug-eyed, screeching mutants
covered in lesions, dripping goo,
now scrabbling up the walls like spiders.

JAG, former military (30’s),
big and bulky scans the crowd.

JAG
Semper FUCK --

Brick raises his squirt gun. SCREAMS.

BRICK
Get in FORMATION, soldiers.
Three to a side, LET’S GO --

Four groups of three go to each side.
Start SPRAYING gasoline down on the attackers.
A pair of SCREAMING INFECTEDS come over the wall.

Jag SPRAYS them.
They EXPLODE in a RED MIST -- POP.

JAG
Be all you CAN be --

Another ZOMBIE climbs over the wall.
Reaches for Reno.

She NAILS him. He EXPLODES,
drenching her with goo.

RENO
Goddammit, I just did my HAIR --

A SLOBBERING ZOMBIE flies up over the side.
Gaga NAILS him with a stream of gas in the chest.

A giant HOLE opens up,
his GUTS slide out -- and he POPS.

GAGA
It’s like a videogame --

MONSTER
I’m getting low on gas --

RENO
So am I --

BRICK
(to Hammer)
Ready for a little FIRE, scarecrow?

Hammer looks at Brick,
strapped into a flamethrower.

HAMMER
It’s Hammer-time --

He FLICKS IT ON and a
SPRAY OF FIRE SHOOTS OUT.

He SWEEPS it down across
the side of the building.

It HITS them -- and they EXPLODE
in SCREAMING FIREBALLS OF BLACK SMOKE.

Hammer RACES around the roof,
SPRAYING fire down the walls,
killing the rest,
the air now thick with smoke.

BRICK
Everybody DOWN. Cover your MOUTHS --

They all get down, pull
bandannas up over their noses.

GAGA
It smells like -- shit.

BRICK
No shit.
And breathing it will kill you.
It’s the virus, in a gaseous state.

HAMMER
That’s why we only use fire
as a last resort.

BRICK
(to Gaga)
About that vaccine.
Where does your brother live?

GAGA
Like I said, we’re Monts.
Downtown. In the Village.

BRICK
Perfect. That’s where
we’re gonna enter the republic.

GAGA
Are we going over the wall?

BRICK
Don’t be silly.
Too many armed guards.
(beat)
We’re going in through
the Holland Tunnel.

GAGA
That’s GENIUS --

BRICK
Hey. How do you think
I got to be the leader?
My good looks?

Monday, March 13, 2017

Cracking Nuts


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Rommy reveals to Merk that Jool is a conservative, and that her father probably won't let her date a liberal ... then Merk reveals to Rommy that his sister Gaga has been rejected from the republic for getting the zombie virus ...


INT. NEIGHBORHOOD BAR - NIGHT
One of those classic, run-down,
shitty neighborhood joints
where the locals hang out.

Rommy and Merk sit at dark table
in the back with a pitcher of beer.
Eating peanuts.

ROMMY
She’s amazing. I’ve never met a girl
that’s so smart, funny, confident -- ALIVE.
(beat)
And STACKED.

MERK
So what’s where you disappeared.

ROMMY
Yeah. There’s just one problem.

MERK
What’s that?

ROMMY
Can you keep a secret?

MERK
I can, but it might keep me.

ROMMY
What? You’re always talking in riddles.

Merk smiles. CRACKS open a peanut.

MERK
You quarrel with someone for cracking nuts
because you have hazel eyes.

ROMMY
Yeah. Stuff like that.
How do you THINK of that?

MERK
That’s actually from the Bard.

ROMMY
Okay, okay -- enough. The thing is --
(sighs)
Jool’s a KAPP.

MERK
WHAT? Really?

A phone behind the bar RINGS.
The BARTENDER answers it.

ROMMY
Yeah. And she said she probably couldn’t
come downtown again because she was
gonna catch hell from her uncle.

MERK
So what are you going to do?

ROMMY
I’m gonna convince my father that
she’s different, she’s cool --
and not like your typical Kapp --
(beat)
And then I’m gonna uptown
and see her again.

Bartender calls out to Merk.
Holds up the receiver.

BARTENDER
Hey, Merk -- phone’s for you.

MERK
(looks)
Thanks.
(to Rommy)
Be right back.

He gets up. Goes to the bar.
Takes the phone. Listens.

Rommy pours another beer.
Takes a sip. Lost in thought.

Merk comes rushing back.
Looks wild-eyed.

MERK (CONT'D)
My sister got infected.
She’s been ejected from the republic --

ROMMY
What the hell? How did you --

MERK
My father. They’ve been looking for me
all day, but couldn’t find me
because of the street fair --

ROMMY
Holy shit.

MERK
No shit. I gotta go home.
C’mon, come walk with me.

EXT. BLEECKER STREET - NIGHT
The fair’s still going full-steam.
Merk and Rommy go down the sidewalk,
avoiding the crowd.

MERK
I’m going to go find her, Rommy.
Give her the vaccine.

ROMMY
Are you crazy?
Do you know how dangerous that is?

MERK
She’s my twin, Rommy. I have to.
(beat)
I’m going to give you the formula.
In case something happens to me.
It’ll be safe with you.
I trust you.

ROMMY
Okay. So what’s the plan?

MERK
Simple. Find my sister, save her life,
bring her home, and then save mankind.

ROMMY
Works for me --

Friday, March 10, 2017

They Shoot Yuppies, Don't They?


Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, conservative captain of industry Carling Kapp introduces his daughter Jool to Tate Canyon, his hand-picked husband for her, who she angrily rejects ...


INT. CARLING’S MANSION - BALLROOM - NIGHT
The crowd has thinned out.
Carling stands chatting with TATE CANYON (21).

Incredibly good-looking.
Natty in cool threads. Oozing charisma.
Great with the ladies. And a real mench.

CARLING
I don’t know where she is, Tate.
I haven’t seen her all night.

TATE
That’s a shame.
I’ve been dying to meet her.
Maybe another time --

CARLING
Would you please excuse me a moment?
I’ll be right back.

TATE
Of course.

Carling walks over to the bar
where Nin is getting a drink.

CARLING
Have you seen Jool?
I’ve been looking for her all evening.

NIN
(turns white)
No, I haven’t.

CARLING
You’re lying, Nin.
I can always tell.
Out with it.

NIN
She -- went out.

CARLING
Where did she go?

NIN
To a -- street fair.

CARLING
A street fair? Where on EARTH
is there a street fair tonight?

NIN
Uh -- downtown.

CARLING
DOWNTOWN? She went DOWNTOWN?
Why on EARTH would she want to go THERE?

NIN
Carling, she’s young. Curious.
It’s only natural that she’d want
to see how other people live.
(beat)
Think of it like -- anthropology.
CARLING

But it’s not SAFE down there.

NIN
Nonsense. She took a cab. And her gun.

CARLING
(sees something)
Jool. There you are --

IN THE DOORWAY
Stands Jool.

Carrying her shoes in her hand.
Trying to sneak in quietly. Busted.

JOOL
Uncle Carling.

CARLING
Come over here.
There’s someone I want you to meet.

Jool walks over.
Looks at Tate. Smiles blandly.

CARLING (CONT’D)
I present to you my niece, Juliet.

JOOL
Jool.

TATE
You said she was a goddess --
(takes her hand, kisses it)
Did my heart love 'til now?
Forswear its sight -- for I never
saw true beauty until this night.

She pulls her hand away.
NOT interested.

JOOL
I’m like, so sure.
Gag me with Bartlett's Quotations.

CARLING
(oblivious)
I’m sure the two of you are
going to be quite happy together.

JOOL
Excuse me?

CARLING
My dear, this is the man
you’re going to marry.

JOOL
I don’t understand.

CARLING
Tate is the heir
to the Canyon dynasty.
You should be honored.
The Times named him one of
the 'ten most eligible
bachelors in the republic.'
(big smile)
Nothing but the best for my niece --

Jool stares at Carling. Then Tate.
Speechless. Then at Nin. Who gives
her a ‘it’s news to me’ look.

CARLING (CONT’D)
My dear, are you feeling alright?
You look pale.

JOOL
On what planet do you expect me
to marry THAT yuppie gas-bag?
(to Tate)
No offense.

She turns on her heel, and quickly
MARCHES out of the room.

CARLING
What the -- ?
(calls after her)
You come back here THIS INSTANT,
young lady.

NIN
Calm down. I’ll go talk to her.

CARLING
Do that.

Nin nods. Rushes off.
Carling looks at Tate. Sighs.

CARLING (CONT’D)
I’m dreadfully sorry.
I guess I should have briefed her.

PUSH IN on Tate’s face.
His look of disappointment.

TATE
Was it something I said?

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Rock The Casbah


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, after being chased by zombies in the New Jersey wasteland, Gaga is rescued by Brick Cosmo, revolutionary army resistance soldier ...


EXT. NEW JERSEY - CITY STREET - NIGHT
Across the river, what once was a
bustling berg is now a burned-out shell.
In ruins. A deserted slum.

GAGA comes RUNNING down the street.
Pursued by the trio of
zombies we saw earlier.

They start GAINING on her.
She turns, DUCKS down an alley.
Huffing and panting.

EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT
Gaga RUNS down the alley,
the zombies in hot pursuit.

She sees a door. YANKS it open.
RUNS inside. The zombies follow.

INT. ABANDONED RESTAURANT - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Gaga TEARS ASS through the kitchen,
GRABBING pots and pans and
HURLING them at the zombies.

But they BOUNCE off them and
CLANG onto the floor. She RUNS into --

INT. ABANDONED RESTAURANT - MAIN ROOM - NIGHT
Dark. Eerie. Chairs up on tables.
Cobwebs. Rats SCURRY about.

Gaga DASHES through the room.
JUMPS under a table and hides.

The zombies RACE into the room.
Stop. Look around. Sniffing.

The front door FLIES OPEN.
A tall, rugged GUY (40’s) walks in.

Dead ringer for Bruce Campbell.
He holds a giant ‘super-soaker’ squirt gun.
Meet BRICK COSMO, revolutionary warrior.

BRICK
Eat shit and MELT, mother-undead-FUCKERS.

He SPRAYS them with a brown liquid.
The zombies fall back, SCREAMING.

Their skin BUBBLES in a WHITE MIST.
They HIT the ground and DISSOLVE
into a gooey puddle of pulp and bones.

BRICK (CONT’D)
Disgusting.

Brick puts his weapon down.
Steps around it.

BRICK (CONT’D)
You can come out now.
The coast is clear.

GAGA (O.C.)
Who-who are you?

BRICK
Brick Cosmo, soldier in the
infected revolutionary army.
C’mon out. I won’t hurt you.
(sings)
Buffalo soldier, dreadlock rasta --

Gaga comes out from under the table.
Sees the zombie puddle.

GAGA
Thanks --
(gulps)
How did you do that?

BRICK
(holds up the gun)
Believe it or not, gasoline.
Takes ‘em out faster than
you can say 'pay at the pump.'

GAGA
Why not just shoot them?

BRICK
We’re kinda low on bullets these days.

GAGA
You said -- infected revolutionary army?

BRICK
Yes, ma’am.
The revolution WON’T be televised --
but we’re still gonna kick ass.
(looks her over)
You must be a newbie. Wanna enlist?
We offer room, board and zombie protection.

GAGA
Yeah, sure. What do I need to do?

BRICK
Just follow me to our secret
headquarters, and we’ll fill you in.

EXT. ABANDONED CITY STREET - NIGHT
Brick leads Gaga down the ruined avenue.

BRICK
Keep your eyes peeled.
These mofos can MOVE.

GAGA
So how many are there
in your revolutionary army?

BRICK
Now that you’re on board, six.
But that’s just our cell.
There’s TONS of us out here,
and we’re getting ready to
rock the fucking Casbah.

GAGA
What’s your plan?

BRICK
Ever seen Escape From New York?

GAGA
Yeah, sure. I love old movies.

BRICK
Well, it’s kinda the reverse --

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Color Me Busted


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, more than sparks fly when uptown conservative girl Jool meets downtown liberal boy Rommy at the street fair ...


EXT. GREENWICH VILLAGE STREET - DAY
JOOL drifts down the street.
In complete delight with all the
sights, sounds and smells of the fair.

Taking pictures with her camera.
In her element.

She throws some money in a hat
in front of a STREET MUSICIAN.

Goes to a vendor.
Buys a bouquet flowers. Sniffs them.

Then buys a piece chocolate from another.
Eats it, savoring it.

MERK
Nudges Rommy.

MERK
Look. Someone dropped a
hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk.

ROMMY
(still staring)
That’s nice.

MERK
Okay. You just stand there like a robot,
and I’m gonna go get another beer.

He walks away, shaking his head.
Jool comes into view.

Sees Rommy gaping at her.
Stops. Looks at him. Fake-angry.

JOOL
Drool much? Didn’t your mother
teach you it’s not polite to stare?

ROMMY
I’m -- sorry.

JOOL
It’s okay. Just busting your chops.

He comes out of his trance.
Faint hint of a smile.

ROMMY
Color me busted.

JOOL
(offers hand to shake)
Jool.

ROMMY
(shakes)
Rommy. Nice to meet you.
(beat)
Pretty name.

They stop shaking.
But don’t let go.

If this were animated,
we’d see an electric spark CRACKLE.

JOOL
It’s short for Juliet,
but I HATE that name.
It’s so corny.
(beat)
Is Rommy short for -- Romeo?

ROMMY
Worse. Short for Romulus.
Father’s a Trekkie.

They realize. Let go.
An awkward moment. Then --

ROMMY (CONT'D)
So you’re, uh --
enjoying the street fair?

JOOL
Yeah, it’s AMAZING.
We don’t have them where I come from.
It’s like another WORLD.

He looks at her expensive,
understated clothing. Realizes.

ROMMY
You’re -- from uptown?

JOOL
Yeah.
But I think I like it better downtown.

ROMMY
You’re a Kapp --

JOOL
Shhh. Don’t tell anyone.
What happens in Greenwich Village,
stays in Greenwich Village.

Pause.

ROMMY
You have -- the most beautiful eyes.

JOOL
(looks closely)
Yours are sad. Wounded.
Like you’ve been -
(beat)
I’m sorry. That was stupid.
I do that all the time.
I get too personal too quickly --
talk without thinking.
Some people say I talk too MUCH.
Oh, look -- there’s Chatty Kathy.

ROMMY
That’s okay. I like to talk.
I mean, talking’s good.
If people would just
talk to each other,
the world would be a --
(beat)
Would you like to get some ice cream?
(beat)
Sit and talk?

JOOL
I’d like that.

She leans in.
Kisses him on the cheek.

Then pulls away.
Surveys the damage.
Rommy’s face flushes a deep red.

ROMMY
Wh-what was that for?

JOOL
Just curious.
(beat)
I’ve never seen a boy blush like that.

PUSH IN ON Rommy’s face. Heart racing.

ROMMY
So, uh -- what’s your favorite flavor?

Monday, March 6, 2017

The Ultimate Wingman


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Jool leaves the uptown red zone and travels to the downtown blue zone to see the Greenwich Village street fair. Meanwhile, blue zone hipster Merk reveals to his friend Rommy that he's developed a vaccine for the zombie virus ... but Rommy is distracted when he sees Jool ...


EXT. FIFTH AVENUE - NIGHT
A PEDAL-RICKSHAW CAB cruises
south down Fifth Avenue,
passes giant mansions.

Airbrushed office buildings.
Tony boutiques.

We see other pedal-cabs,
and also tons of PEOPLE ON BICYCLES.

INT. RICKSHAW CAB - MOVING - NIGHT
Jool looks out the window,
full of anticipation.

THE RICKSHAW CAB
Gets to the border of midtown.
Starts passing through --

EXT. TIMES SQUARE - NIGHT
Once gentrified, the infamous avenue
has returned to it’s previous squalor.

All of the fancy stores and restaurants
are now home to peep shows, strip clubs,
bars and whore houses.

The Gap sign now reads THE GASH.
We see signs for CRATE AND ASSHOLE.
STARFUCKS. JAMBA COOZE. S&M’S. HOOTERS.

JOOL
Looks out the window. Silently gasps
at the motley crew of STREET TRASH milling about.

THE RICKSHAW CAB
Continues on downtown. The streets now
lined with ancient BROWNSTONES.

A STREET VENDOR hawks his wares.
The people look young, hip.

A bohemian kid plays
a guitar on the corner.

JOOL
Smiles. Likes what she sees.

JOOL
He’s cute.

EXT. GREENWICH VILLAGE - BLEECKER STREET - NIGHT
A STREET FAIR in full-swing.
Rows of booths and stalls filled
with food from around the world.

A ROCK BAND plays on a raised platform.
A throng of SMILING PARTIERS mill about.

CAMERA finds two YOUNG GUYS (17)
walking through the fair.
Deep in conversation.

YOUNG GUY
I’m not ready yet, Merk.
It’s too soon.

Meet ROMMY MONT. Nice guy, but awkward.
Shy. Always deep in thought. Looks wounded.
Haunted. One of those borderline types.
Could transcend ‘nerd’ -- if he’d only try.

Think Ryan Gosling.
Divided by Jessie Eisenberg.
With a dash of Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Dressed a bit too geeky in
pressed jeans and a sweater vest.
Longish hair in search of a style.

MERK
Too soon? It’s been over a year.
You need to move on.
You’ve elevated the grieving
process into an art form.
You need to get laid, my good man.
(waves his hand at the throng)
I mean, look at this sea of female flesh.
All you need to do is dive in.

Meet MERK ROWE, Rommy’s best friend,
already pre-med. Smart. Funny.
The ultimate wing-man.

Tall and thin, with eyes
that twinkle with mischief.
Rakish in a vintage Ramones T.

ROMMY
I don’t see the point. Why even try?
We’ll never get off this island,
and until there’s a cure for the virus --
(gestures)
You’re just setting yourself up
for disappointment.

MERK
(low)
Can you keep a secret?

ROMMY
What?

MERK
I was working at the school
lab last night --
(looks around)
And I think I discovered something.

ROMMY
What?

MERK
A cure.

ROMMY
For the VIRUS?

MERK
Shhhh --
(beat)
Yeah. I just need to try it
on someone who’s infected.

ROMMY
You’re not shitting me?

MERK
I shit you not, my lord.

Rommy stops in his tracks.
Sees something. Stares.

MERK (CONT'D)
This is the part where
you call me a genius.
(sees him staring)
What are you looking at?
(beat)
Hello, Earth to Rommy,
Earth to Rommy.
Come in, come in.
We’ve lost your signal.
(beat)
HELLO.

IN THE CROWD

We see JOOL, drifting down
the street toward them.

In complete delight with all the
sights, sounds and smells of the fair.

Taking pictures with her camera.
In her element.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

A Bird In A Gilded Cage


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, we travel to the Republic of Manhattan's upper east side, where the conservative Kapp family hosts a glittering party for the one percent. Meanwhile, upstairs in her bedroom, heiress Jool Kapp pleads with her nanny to let her go downtown to Greenwich Village liberal street fair ...


EXT. UPPER EAST SIDE - MANSION - NIGHT
A tony, upper-crust monstrosity
on upper Fifth Avenue.

Three stories of vulgarity.
Takes up the whole block.
Nothing succeeds like excess.

A line of stretch limos spill out
DIGNITARIES, CELEBRITIES and other
SUPER-RICH ASSHOLES who then
walk up the red carpet to
the entrance with their BODYGUARDS.

INT. MANSION - GRAND BALLROOM - NIGHT
Like something out of Versailles.
GUESTS mingle, take drinks and
finger sandwiches from SERVANTS.

Onstage, GREEN DAY plays for the crowd.
In their 60’s, they still rock.

CAMERA finds CARLING KAPP (50’),
scion of the family.

Distinguished good looks. Big smile.
You’d smile, too if you lived here.
He charms a group standing around him.

CARLING
My dear, Harlem HAD to be burned down.
We have BIG PLANS for the area.

ANOREXIC SOCIETY MATRON
Oh? And what exactly ARE
your plans, my dear Carling?

CARLING
A country club RESORT --
surrounding a LAKE.

BIG, FAT CAPITALIST PIG
Astounding, my dear boy.
And I assume membership
will be restricted?

CARLING
But of course --
(sips his champagne)
Of course, given that our construction
methods have become rather medieval
as of late, it will take some time --

BIG, FAT CAPITALIST PIG
Quite.
But first we have to pillage all the OIL.

CARLING
(smiles, raises his glass)
Drill, baby, drill.

They all LAUGH.

INT. UPSTAIRS BEDROOM - NIGHT
Part of a lux suite of rooms
on an upper floor. Very grand.

Tasteful. Tons of books.
A big, old globe.

Old-school computer
with a giant monitor.
A big record library.

Sitting on the bed is JOOL KAPP (17),
Carling’s niece.

Very pretty, but doesn’t work it.
No makeup. Hair in a tomboyish bob.
Smart. Feisty. Strong. Tons of self-will.

Think a young Kate Hepburn.
With a dash of Ellen Page.

Rakish in slacks,
fitted jacket and boots.

JOOL
But I don’t want to go down there.
I can’t stand those people.

They’re all phonies. My IQ goes down
a point every minute I’m around them.

All they care about is
money, class, privilege.

They have no conception about
what’s really important in life.

Standing nearby is NIN (40’s),
Jool’s nanny since childhood.

Smart. Sleek. Very Emma Peel.
Now Jool’s advisor. Confidant.

NIN
But your Uncle Carling expects
you to make an appearance.

JOOL
Tough toenails.
I’m just a trophy to him.
Something to show off.

NIN
Can’t you just humor him?

JOOL
No, I can’t.
I’m a person, Nin -- not a THING.
(off her look)
And I’m tired of being cooped
up in this mausoleum.
I feel trapped.
Like a bird in a gilded cage.
I want to GO OUT.
See the world. Explore.

NIN
Out? Where?
You know the streets aren’t safe.

JOOL
Fiddlesticks. I’m a big girl.
I can take of myself.

NIN
Oh, you can, can you.
And where do you plan on going?

JOOL
Downtown.

NIN
Why on earth would you
want to go downtown?

JOOL
There’s a big Tenth of October street
fair tonight, totally old-school.
Food, drink, live music, you know --
a street fair.

NIN
Ah, yes. I’ve read about those --

JOOL
I can take a cab and
have them wait for me.
It’ll totally be safe.
And I won’t stay long. I promise.
I just wanna see
regular people having FUN.
What’s so wrong about that?

NIN
Kind of like -- anthropology.

JOOL
Exactly. So can I go? Please?

NIN
You feel very strongly about this --
(beat)
Go. Have fun.
But be back by eleven, okay?

JOOL
YES. Thank you, Nin. THANK YOU.
(clasps her hands)
Omigod, I’m so excited I could plotz.

NIN
I expect a full report when you get back.
(beat)
Oh. And don’t forget your gun.

JOOL
Of course not.

She walks over to her desk.
Opens a drawer. Pulls out a
SIG SAUER MOSQUITO.
RACKS out the clip. Checks it.
SHOVES it back in, CHINK.
Puts it her purse.
Looks at Nin. Smiles brightly.

JOOL
Don’t leave home without it.