Thursday, January 31, 2013

Eyes Wide Fuck


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 26 of NOWHERE GIRL, Bel Air Security guard Renny Quick gets a big surprise when he shows up at the Hollywood Hills mansion where the Al Qaeda terrorists are hiding. Meanwhile, CIA agent Shag Holiday and Homeland Security agent April Street team up to try and find renegade stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation ...


EXT. MANSION - NIGHT
The Driver and Renny
stand at the front door.

Their car’s lights FLASH
behind them in the driveway.

RENNY
(to Driver)
Ring it again, Carlos.

CARLOS
(presses the buzzer)
This is bullshit.
Let’s get the fuck outta here.
Go hit Fatburger.

RENNY
Hold on.
Not so fucking fast.
Something’s not right.
I can smell it.
All the lights are on --
and they don’t answer the door?

The front door SWINGS OPEN.
Revealing Rich Husband,
with a big, weird smile on his face.
Eyes full of terror.

RICH HUSBAND
Sorry to keep you gentlemen waiting.
What seems to be the problem?

IN THE FOYER, AGAINST THE WALL
Kamal stands out of sight,
holding an Uzi on Rich.

IN THE DOORWAY
Rich blinks,
raises his eyebrows expectantly.

CARLOS
We received over a dozen 911 calls
from a number at this address.

RICH HUSBAND
From this address?
Are you sure?

CARLOS
Yeah. We can track
where a call comes from.
It was this address.

RICH HUSBAND
I don’t know what to say.
No one here called you -- perhaps your --
tracking made a mistake.
(beat)
Oh, wait a minute --
maybe it’s my son’s phone --
but he’s not home right now.
Please be assured that I will
discipline him for this.
And please accept my apologies.

RENNY
Could I please use your bathroom?
I hate to ask, but it’s
kind of an emergency.

Renny holds his crotch.
Does that ‘I gotta pee’ dance.

Rich looks startled,
looks to his left.

RENNY
I thought so.

He PUSHES his way past Rich,
and runs straight into Kamal.
Aiming his Uzi at Renny’s stomach.

KAMAL
Gentlemen.
This is most unfortunate.
Please come in and make yourselves --
our hostages.

Renny LEAPS at Kamal,
grabs for control of the gun.

It SHOOTS WILDLY,
MOWING DOWN Carlos.

The GUARDS run in and GRAB Renny,
PISTOL-WHIP him into submission.

KAMAL
(looks at the body)
Hurry up and bring it in.
Put the car in the garage.
And then tie up our visitor.
(beat)
Let’s have some fun.

INT. POOLHOUSE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April sits on the couch with her hands cuffed.
Another set connect her ankle
to a leg of the coffee table.

APRIL
Fucking WHORE version of ME.

She raises her wrists to her hair,
pulls out a hairpin.

Puts it in her mouth.
Starts working it on
the cuffs on her hands.

APRIL
(mumbles)
Just wait until
I get my hands on her --

Her cell phone starts RINGING
on the floor a few feet away.

APRIL
SHIT.

It RINGS again.

She furiously works the hairpin
on the lock. No luck.

RING-RING.

APRIL
FUCK.

Shag walks through the ruined door,
gun raised. He stops.

Looks at the Vespa.
Then April.

RING-RING.

SHAG
CHERRY. You -- changed your hair.

APRIL
I’m not Cherry. I’m April.

SHAG
Jesus, You look just like her.
You could be twins.

RING-RING.

APRIL
So that’s her name.
Who are you?

SHAG
Shag Holiday, CIA.
(beat)
She’s my ex.

APRIL
Pleased to meet you.
April Street, Homeland Security.

RING-RING.

SHAG
(nods at the phone)
You want me to get that?

APRIL
Nah. I know who it is.
It can wait. Uncuff me?

SHAG
Yeah. Sure. Hold on --

Shag pulls out keys,
unlocks the cuffs on her wrists.

APRIL
Thanks.

He leans down, uncuffs her ankle.
She stands.

APRIL
Double thanks. So what now?

SHAG
So she was just here?
(off April’s nod)
And she has the nuke?
(off her nod)
Why don’t we team up.
Two heads are better than one.

APRIL
Good idea.
She’s really -- volatile.
What’s her deal?

SHAG
Do you have a few hours?

IN THE WINDOW
Wendon peers in. Pulls away.

OUTSIDE
She leans against the wall.
Raises her assault rifle.

WENDON
A two-fer. Nice --

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Vespus Interruptus


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of NOWHERE GIRL, the shit hits the fan when stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation and hipster Peeler Mardo hide out in the Hollywood Hills pool house and plot their next move ... and Homeland Security agent April Street SMASHES through the door on a Vespa scooter ...


INT. POOL HOUSE - NIGHT
Cherry and Peeler sit on the couch
watching the rain coming down outside.
It’s letting up a bit.

PEELER
So what next.

CHERRY
Well, since our tour guide
got his fucking HEAD blown up,
I think I better call the dude
and get directions.

Cherry pulls out her cell phone.
Tries to dial the number.
But the battery is DEAD.

CHERRY
SHIT.

She FLINGS it
against the wall -- CRACK.

CHERRY
MOTHER-FUCKER!

PEELER
Hey, calm down. It’s okay.
(pulls out his phone)
You can use mine.

CHERRY
I can’t TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

Just then, the side door
BURSTS OPEN with a CRUNCH.

Splintered wood goes FLYING --
And April FLIES IN on the Vespa.

PEELER
Holy SHIT.

CHERRY
NOOOOOO.

Cherry SCRAMBLES to get her gun,
but April is TOO FAST.

She JUMPS off the scooter,
races over and TACKLES her.
Pins her arms to the floor.

Peeler JUMPS on top of April,
tries to pull her off Cherry.

April HEAD-BUTTS Peeler --
and he FLIES backwards,
blood POURING out of this nose.

April sits astride Cherry.

APRIL
I’m a federal officer.
You’re under arrest.

CHERRY
FUCK you.

APRIL
(SLAPS her)
What the FUCK were you DOING?
Did you really think you
could get AWAY with it?
It’s a fucking NUKE.

CHERRY
Go fuck yourself, BITCH.

April takes out her gun.
Points it in Cherry’s face.

APRIL
Don’t fucking move.

She pulls out keys,
unlocks Cherry’s cuffs.
Looks at her.

CHERRY
Incredible. You could be my twin.

Peeler goes to the bar.
Gets a towel for his nose.

PEELER
So I guess we’re in a lot of trouble.

APRIL
Unlawful flight with
a concealed nuclear device?
I would say so.

Peeler inches over to
Cherry’s handbag on the bar.

PEELER
I would imagine that’s --
a lot of time in prison.

APRIL
Try life without parole.
(beat)
If not the death penalty for TREASON.

April gets off of Cherry. Stands.

APRIL
Roll over. On your stomach.

CHERRY
Fuck you.

April KICKS cherry in the side.

CHERRY
OW!

APRIL
DO IT. NOW!

A gun safety CLICKS.

PEELER
Stands behind April.
Pressing it into
the back of her head.

PEELER
I’m really sorry to do this,
but we’re not going to prison.

APRIL
Do you have any idea what you’re doing?
You’re just gonna make it
a hell of a lot WORSE.
Drop the gun, and I promise
you won’t get hurt.

PEELER
(JAMS it into her head)
SHUT UP.

Cherry gets up.
Goes to April.
GRABS her gun.

CHERRY
Okay, bitch -- give me your cuffs.

April does a slow burn.
Takes them out.
Cherry SNATCHES them.

CHERRY
Hands behind your back.

Peeler steps away. Still aiming.

Cherry walks over,
CLICKS the cuffs on April.
Then SHOVES her on the couch.

CHERRY
THAT’S for fucking KICKING me,
fucking BITCH.

APRIL
You’ll never get away with this.
The area is swarming with agents.

CHERRY
We’ll take our chances.
(to Peeler)
Ready to go?

PEELER
Yeah.

He goes over and gets the case.
Hefts it.

PEELER
Heavy.

CHERRY
It’s a fucking NUKE.
Of course it’s HEAVY.


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

American Pussy


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 24 of NOWHERE GIRL, now safely out of the rain in a Hollywood Hills pool house, fugitive stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation attends to hipster Peeler Mardo's wound. Meanwhile, Al Qaeda terrorist Hamad Kharrazi has his way with the rich homeowner's wife whose mansion the terrorist cell has taken command of ... just as Bel Air Security arrives ...


INT. POOL HOUSE - NIGHT
Cozy. Very hunting lodge.
Fireplace. Stocked bar.

Cherry and Peeler enter the room.
She guides him over to the couch.
He PLOPS down.

PEELER
Thank god.
(beat)
I’m freezing.

Cherry goes to the heater.
Turns it on.

CHERRY
We’ll get warmed up in a jiffy.
(looks around)
Better leave the lights off.

She find some towels.
Grabs one.
THROWS it at Peeler.

PEELER
(catches it)
Thanks.

They dry themselves.
She notices the bar.

CHERRY
A little brandy
should do the trick.
Then let’s take a look
at your foot.

She pours two snifters.
Takes them to the couch. Sits.

CHERRY (CONT'D)
(hands one to Peeler)
Here’s lookin’ at you, kid.

PEELER
Yeah.
(takes a sip)
Listen to that rain.

CHERRY
Yeah.

She leans over.
Kisses him on the cheek.

PEELER
What was that for?

ANGLE ON --
Cherry’s hand grabs
the end of the rusty nail.
YANKS it.

PEELER
YELLS out in pain.

CHERRY
Distraction.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT
The squad car makes its way
down the long, long driveway.

INT. SECURITY SQUAD CAR - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The guys check out the lux digs.

DRIVER
Shit, look at this joint.
It’s bigger than my high school.

RENNY
Hurry up and park.
I gotta take a piss.

INT. MANSION - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT
Unbelievably opulent. Huge.
With a giant circular bed.

Trophy’s wrists have been
tied to the bedposts with rope.

Hamad is on top of her,
slowly humping away.

Her face is streaked with tears.
Eyes closed, softly whimpering.

HAMAD
(grunts)
American pussy --
(beat)
Smells like STRAWBERRIES.

Downstairs, the doorbell RINGS.

HAMAD (CONT’D)
Go away.

He moves faster,
really goes at it.

HAMAD (CONT’D)
You need to MOVE HIPS.

He SLAPS her.
She CRIES out.
Starts humping him.

HAMAD (CONT’D)
That’s more LIKE it.

Kamal comes to the door.
Averts his eyes.

KAMAL
Hamad.

Hamad keeps humping,
reaching his crescendo.

HAMAD
Ah -- ah -- ah --

KAMAL
HAMAD. Sorry to interrupt, but --

Hamad COMES like a bull on steroids.
ROARS like a tiger.

HAMAD
Praise ALLAH!
Fuck AMERICAN PUSSY!

The doorbell RINGS again.

KAMAL
There is someone at the door.
Private Bel Air Security.
What should we do?

Hamad gets off Trophy Wife.
Pads over to Kamal.

HAMAD
Let them in.
Take husband with you.
Tell him we hurt wife
unless he cooperates.

KAMAL
Okay.
(beat)
How was she?

HAMAD
No pubic hair. Outrageous.
(beat)
But incredible turn-on --

Monday, January 28, 2013

North By Northwest


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of NOWHERE GIRL, CIA agent Shag Holiday goes mano-a-mano with assassin Wendon Swift. Meanwhile, renegade stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation finds a place to hide out in the Hollywood Hills in the rain ... and Homeland Security agent April Street is hot on her trail on a stolen Vespa scooter ...


EXT. GARAGE - DUMPSTER - NIGHT
The heavens open up, and it starts POURING rain.
Thunder BOOMS. Lightening CRACKS in the sky.

IN THE DUMPSTER
Wendon is on top of Shag, CHOKING him.

He PRIES her fingers away.
HEAD-BUTTS her, BANG.

She FLIES against the side
of the container, CRACK.

Shag grabs a board,
BANGS it on her head, WHAM.
She goes down.

He starts to KICK her,
but she GRABS his leg,
YANKS him off his feet.

She stands.
Pulls out her Sig Sauer.

WENDON
Fuck this shit.

She FIRES at his chest --
BANG-BANG-BANG.

He FLIES against the wall, flops down.
She HOPS out of the dumpster. Looks.

WENDON (CONT’D)
Wimp.

And she TAKES OFF into the woods.

EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
The wind WHIPS through the trees.
BUCKETS of rain pour down.

Cherry leads Peeler through the woods.
They’re soaked.

They arrive at the rear
of a huge back yard.

Push through the bushes --
and see the back of an enormous mansion.

CHERRY
We gotta find someplace
where we can dry out for a bit.
My arm is fucking killing me,
and my wrist feels like it’s
gonna fall off.

PEELER
What about this place.
It’s got a pool house.

CHERRY
All the lights are out.
Bet they’re out of town.

PEELER
Let’s go.

He starts walking.
CRIES out in pain.

CHERRY
What’s WRONG?

PEELER
SHIT. I stepped on something.
Ow, FUCK.

Peeler lifts his boot.
A large, rusty nail protrudes.

CHERRY
C’mon, lean on me.
We’ll get that taken care of.

PEELER
(puts his arm around her waist)
Thanks.
(beat)
Don’t worry. I’m way past
wanting to fuck anyone at this point.

CHERRY
Huh. That’s a shame.

And she leads a hobbling Peeler
toward the pool house.

EXT. QUEENS ROAD - NIGHT
Torrents of rain pour down on --

April, racing up the steep incline
going up into the hills.

She stops for a moment.
Catches her breath.

APRIL
Fucking -- CRAMP. FUCK.

She massages her leg.
Looks at a house.

A VESPA SCOOTER is parked
in front of the garage.

APRIL (CONT’D)
There is a God.

April RACES up the driveway.
Goes to the scooter.

Opens up the engine manifold.
Finds, strips a pair of wires.

Touches them together.
They SPARK.

The engine ROARS to life.
She hops on. REVS it.
And SPEEDS up the hill.

INT. DUMPSTER - NIGHT
Shag lies in the trash, motionless.
Pelted by the rain.

CLOSE ON --
His EAR.

We see a communications device.
Red light BLINKING.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - NIGHT
Lark taps a pencil on her desk.
Listening on her headset.

LARK
Shag? You there? Shag?
(beat)
Shit.
(listens)
SHAG?

SHAG
Opens his eyes.
Slowly, painfully sits up.

SHAG
Hey. You don’t have to yell.

LARK
Thank god.
Are you alright?
What happened?

He opens his flack jacket.
We see three SMASHED BULLETS
in his kevlar vest.
He peels them off.

SHAG
Was intercepted -- by someone. Woman.
Had real moves. Vest got a workout.
(shakes his head)
Wonder who she’s with.

LARK
What happened to her?

SHAG
She got away.
Must also be after the case.

Shag gets up,
climbs out of the dumpster.

LARK
Well, you at least hurt her, right?

SHAG
Have no idea.
No time for chit-chat.
I need the new location.
She’s on the move.

Lark looks at her monitor.
Taps a few keys.

LARK
She’s about one-hundred yards
away from you, forty-five degrees,
north by northwest.

SHAG
Like the Hitchcock movie.

LARK
After this is over,
let’s go to Paris.
Catch a thief.

SHAG
(starts jogging)
And what, steal jewels?
Climb rooftops?

LARK
Ooh. You’re so Notorious --

Friday, January 25, 2013

Dick Cheney, Eat Your Heart Out


Hey there, crime kids. Happy FRIDAY. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of NOWHERE GIRL, fugitive stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation and her posse head into the Hollywood Hills to meet with the Al Qaeda sleeper cell, where they get ambushed by black ops assassin Wendon Swift, just as Cherry's ex, CIA agent Shag Holliay arrives on the scene to help put. Meanwhile, Homeland Security spook April Street is hot on their tail, but gets into a fender-bender ...


EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - RANCH HOUSE - NIGHT
Brody leads Cherry, Peeler and Stan
through the back yard.

They walk into a wooded area behind the house.
A light RAIN starts falling.

CHERRY
Great. Now it’s fucking RAINING.

She pulls her hoodie up over her head.
Her I-Phone VIBRATES in her pocket.
She pulls it out.

THE SCREEN READS
Reminder: Take your meds.

A finger presses a button.
The LCD reads ERASE.

BRODY
turns his head.
Looks at Cherry.

BRODY
Can I ask you something?

CHERRY
What.

BRODY
If, let’s say, somebody wanted
to get into porn --

CHERRY
(looks at him)
YOU? Are you fucking kidding me?

BRODY
What. I’m not THAT bad-looking.

CHERRY
No, it’s just that --

BRODY
I’ve got eleven inches.

CHERRY
You DO?

PEELER
Wow. Shit.

STAN
What, you didn’t notice?
(off their stares)
So I’m gay.
Big fucking deal.
It’s 2013. Deal with it.

GUNSHOTS SPRAY at them.
Stan GETS HIT in the chest.

Brody gets one in the leg.
So does Peeler.

Cherry’s arm is grazed.
They HIT the ground.
Start crawling into the bushes.

BRODY
I’ve been SHOT.

Bullets WHIZ through the bushes.

Cherry gets behind a tree.
Pulls out her gun.

CHERRY
FUCK. I don’t see anyone.
(to Peeler)
Peeler, are you okay?

Peeler peers out behind a row of bushes.

PEELER
I got shot in the leg, but I’m okay.
But I think Stan is dead.
(sees her arm)
Cherry!

CHERRY
It’s okay. It just grazed me.

BRODY
My leg -- is fucking fucked.

He tries to get up into a crawling position.

CHERRY
STAY DOWN.

But he doesn’t listen. Sits up.

BRODY
I’m getting the fuck outta --

His head EXPLODES in a red mist.

PEELER
Ohmigod, we’re gonna DIE, we’re gonna DIE!

CHERRY
STAY DOWN!

EXT. GARAGE ROOF - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Wendon kneels on the tiles.
Cradling a sniperscope rifle.

She JAMS a new magazine in, KA-CHINK.
Takes aim. Sneers.

WENDON
Dick Cheney eat your heart out.

Hands suddenly GRAB
her by the neck. She GAGS.

Gets pulled back.
Her rifle CLATTERS onto the tiles.

Wendon GRABS the hands,
and viciously YANKS them off.

She WHIRLS around and faces --
SHAG. Aiming a Sig Sauer at her.

SHAG
Hands in the air!
I’m a federal agent!

Wendon smiles. Raises her hands.

WENDON
So am I, asshole.

SHAG
Get on your knees. NOW.

She arches an eyebrow.
Then WHIRLS like a top and
KICKS Shag in the face -- CRACK.

He FLIES BACKWARDS -- OOF.

She LEAPS into the air
and lands on top of him, THWUMP.

He GRABS her by the waist,
and they ROLL across the tiles --
FLY off the edge of the roof,
and BANG into a dumpster.

IN THE WOODS
Cherry puts down her gun.
Looks at Peeler.

CHERRY
They stopped shooting.
How’s your leg?
Can you walk?

He gets up.
Puts his weight on it.

PEELER
Yeah. But it really hurts.

Cherry takes off her jacket.
RIPS off one of the arms.

Then the other.
Ties them together.

Then wraps it around the wound,
pulls it TIGHT.

Puts the armless jacket back on.

CHERRY
There. That should hold it for awhile.
C’mon, let’s get the fuck outta here.

PEELER
Where did you learn how to do that?

CHERRY
Hey, just because I
take my clothes off for a living
doesn’t mean I wasn’t a Girl Scout --

INT. YELLOW CAB - MOVING - NIGHT
April ZOOMS west on Sunset Boulevard.
Window down. The wind WHIPPING her hair.

The rain is coming down harder, getting her wet.
She checks her PDA. Looks up. Sees something.

APRIL
Hey, ASSHOLE! You’re in the INTERSECTION!

She HITS the breaks, and the cab SKIDS.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - CONTINUOUS
A BENTLEY SEDAN has pulled out of a mini-mall,
it’s nose in the intersection.

April tries to brake, but she hydroplanes,
and SMASHES into the side of the hood.
Metal CRUNCHES.

PUNCHING the car sideways.
April’s cab COUGHS and dies.

The hood FLIES UP.
Steam BILLOWS out of the engine.

APRIL
SHIT.

The cab driver wakes up.
Starts SCREAMING at April.

MIDDLE-EASTERN CABBIE
What you do to my TAXI-CAB, mother-fucker!

April opens the door, starts to get out.
Turns to him.

APRIL
Guess you won’t be praising Allah today.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - INTERSECTION - CONTINUOUS
The owner of the Bentley, an IRATE AGENT
races over to April.

Gets in her face.
SHOUTS at her.

IRATE AGENT
You fucking BITCH.
Do you realize HOW MUCH that car COSTS?!
(WHIPS out his Blackberry)
Just wait till the fucking COPS get here.

APRIL
(WHIPS out her ID)
Homeland Security, asshole.
Get out of my fucking face.

IRATE AGENT
(looks at it)
Oh, yeah -- right.
Homeland Security.
What an awful name.
Sounds like an insurance company.
Ooh, I’m scared.

April PUNCHES him in the face, WHAM.
He goes down. She looks around.

Traffic is moving around them.
She pulls out the PDA.
Checks the location.

APRIL
It’s right around the corner.
Fuck it.

And she TAKES OFF on foot, starts RUNNING --

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Thirty Minutes Or Less


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 21 of NOWHERE GIRL, our story starts heating up when Bel Air Security agent Renny Quick heads over to the Hollywood Hills mansion where the Al Qaeda sleeper cell is holding the owners hostage. Meanwhile, Homeland Security agent April Street hijacks a cab at gunpoint ... and black ops spook Sledge Crafton dispatches a new assassin to go after stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation ...


EXT. BELL AIR SECURITY - ENTRANCE - NIGHT
A SECURITY SQUAD CAR pulls out of the building.

INT. SECURITY SQUAD CAR - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The DRIVER turns to the
SECURITY GUARD sitting next to him.

DRIVER
Weatherman says it’s gonna rain.

SECURITY GUARD
Oh, it’s gonna rain, alright.

Meet RENNY QUICK (30’s).
Big and burly, former Special Forces.
Retired early due to injuries on the job.

RENNY
My knee is fucking killing me.
It’s DEFINITELY gonna rain.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
A light RAIN starts falling.

April stands across the street
from the Crazy Horse.

Watching the swarm of COPS,
the ambulance.
A group of GAWKERS.

APRIL
Shit, it’s raining.
I need wheels, pronto.

A YELLOW CAB pulls up to the curb
in front of her.

Two DRUNK PARTY GIRLS spill out.

APRIL (CONT'D)
Ask and ye shall receive.

MESSY PARTY GIRL
(to the cabbie)
Keep the change!

WASTED PARTY GIRL
(tugs on Messy’s arm)
C’mon, let’s GO.
It’s RAINING.

They skitter away down the sidewalk,
laughing. April goes to the cab.

Opens the passenger-side door.
Gets in.

INT. YELLOW CAB - CONTINUOUS
The CABBIE, Middle-Eastern,
sporting a turban and a giant mustache,
turns and looks at her, startled.

MIDDLE-EASTERN CABBIE
I’m soddy, meess, but eye’m on call.
I cannot pick yoo up.

April WHIPS OUT her ID and gun.

APRIL
Federal agent, Homeland Security.
Get in the back seat.

MIDDLE-EASTERN CABBIE
I WILL NOT.
This is RACIAL PROFILING.
I am AMERICAN CITIZEN.

APRIL
This has nothing to do with you, Bollywood.
It’s a matter of national security.
GET IN THE BACK SEAT, NOW.

MIDDLE-EASTERN CABBIE
You cannot DO THIS.
I know my RIGHTS.

April PISTOL-WHIPS him, CRACK.
He goes out like a light.

She GRABS him,
THROWS him in the back seat.
Makes a face.

APRIL
Why does everybody I meet tonight
fucking STINK?

INT. HUMMER - MOVING - NIGHT
A BRUNETTE (20’s) in shades and black leather
is behind the wheel.

Hair back in a sleek ponytail.
Meet WENDON SWIFT, gorgeous,
curvy killing machine.
And Sledge’s new hire.

WENDON
(on her cell)
I’m almost there.
(listens)
Not to worry.
I always deliver.
(listens)
'Thirty minutes or less?'
You flirt. BAD boy.

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Crafton hangs up.
Raises his cocktail in a toast.

SLEDGE
I always deliver.
(beat)
I think I’m in love.

And he downs it.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Hair Metal Motherfuckers


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 20 of NOWHERE GIRL, fugitive stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation gets directions from the band Skull Bong to the address in the Hollywood Hills where the Al Qaeda sleeper cell is hiding out so she can deliver 'the package.' Meanwhile, Cherry's ex, CIA agent Shag Holliday desperately races against the clock to try and track down her location ...


INT. GARAGE - NIGHT
Lead Singer stares at Cherry’s gun.
Rapidly sobering up.

LEAD SINGER
Dude. That’s a real gun.

DRUMMER
(to Lead Singer)
Chill, Brody.
She’s not gonna hurt us.
(to Cherry)
Right?

BASS PLAYER
That’s a Sig Sauer, man.
Wicked piece.

CHERRY
Shut up, all of you.
I just need someone to help me find --
(pulls out piece of paper)
1155 Queens Road.
And we need to go, NOW.

BRODY
Wait a minute.
I recognize you --
you’re La Cienega Boulevard.

DRUMMER
SHIT, you’re right.

BASS PLAYER
Who?

BRODY
The porn star, dude --
La Cienega Boulevard.
(to Cherry)
Why’d you retire?
You were THE BEST.
So fucking HOT.

STAN
(to Peeler)
I thought she looked familiar.

CHERRY
(lowers her gun)
I got sick of it.
And I make a lot of money
feature dancing on the road.
I’ll be quitting that soon, too --
if I make it out of this alive.
(raises it)
So which one of you
hair metal motherfuckers
is gonna show us the way?

BRODY
I will. It’s my band.
(beat)
And we’re not 'hair metal,'
we’re DEATH metal.

INT. CORVETTE - MOVING - NIGHT
Shag drives into the heart of the strip,
passes Sunset Plaza.
Talks on his hands-free Bluetooth.

SHAG
She hung up on me.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS
Lark turns away from her laptop.
Touches her headpiece.

LARK
Angry?

SHAG
You might say that.

LARK
You blew your cover.

SHAG
Yeah. It was stupid, I know.
I just --
(looks at the dashboard)
I’m getting close.
I’d love to get some backup.

LARK
You know I can’t do that, Shag.
The boss gave strict orders --
this one’s off-limits.
It’ll raise red flags that go
way beyond me losing my job.
(beat)
Apparently the guy that runs C-6
has A LOT of pull.

SHAG
Then connect me to C-6.

LARK
I don’t have the number.
Black ops? Hello?

SHAG
Lark, give yourself some credit.
You told me you could
gather ANY intel.

LARK
I’ll call you
when I have something.

SHAG
That’s my girl.
(looks out the window)
I’m here. Gotta go.

LARK
Good luck.

SHAG
Yeah, right.
You’ve never met Cherry -

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

That Bitch Is Dangerous


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of NOWHERE GIRL, fugitive stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation and her posse try to get help from a heavy metal band in the Hollywood Hills. Meanwhile, Homeland Security agent April Street tangles with black ops spook Yuri Vlaovic on the Sunset Strip ...


INT. GARAGE - NIGHT
Small and dark, with soundproofing
on the walls and ceiling.

Four HAIRY MUSICIANS, all early 20’s,
are rocking out at a DEAFENING VOLUME.

Meet SKULL BONG.

The LEAD SINGER faces a mirror,
singing to his own image.
Practicing his moves.

LEAD SINGER
'And when Satan sings,
the blood will flow,
and the HELL-MOUTH will open for YOU -- '

The side door OPENS.
In walks Cherry, Peeler and Stan.

The band doesn’t notice,
lost in it’s dark reverie.

Cherry walks over to the circuit breaker.
SHUTS OFF the power.

The music DIES.
Lights go OFF.

LEAD SINGER (V.O.) (CONT'D)
DUDE. What the FUCK.

BASS PLAYER (V.O.)
I told you not to turn
the Marshall all the way up.

DRUMMER (V.O.)
It’s Satan, dude.
And he’s PISSED.

The lights SNAP back on.
Cherry points her gun at the band.

LEAD SINGER
(sees her)
Whoah. BABE alert.

CHERRY
Sorry to interrupt the concert, boys --
but I’ve been cuffed to a suitcase nuke,
my car just died, my ex-lover, the CIA
and Homeland security are hot on my trail,
and I gotta go visit some
Middle-Eastern terrorists up the hill.
(CLICKS the hammer)
So which one of you Ozzy-wanabes
is gonna be my tour guide?

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Yuri chats with the cops.

April leans against the SUV,
her wrists tied in front
with one of those twist-ties.

Cheap. Light. Easy.
Effective. And PAINFUL.

YURI
Thanks for help, fellas.

CRAZED COP
You want us to escort you?
That bitch is dangerous.

YURI
I’ve got it, thanks.

The cops shrug, go back
to their car and get in.

Yuri GRABS April by the wrists.
Points his gun at her.

Opens the door.
SHOVES her in.

Slides her over to
the front passenger seat.

YURI (CONT’D)
(gets in)
Sit tight. No talking.

APRIL
Can you loosen it a bit?
It’s cutting off my circulation.

YURI
I said NO TALKING.

Yuri starts the engine.
Pulls out, enters traffic.

Driving one-handed, the other
pointing his gun at April.

APRIL
Where are you taking me?

He CRACKS her in the head
with his piece.
April REELS back.

YURI
You American broads WON’T LISTEN.
I said SHUT THE FUCK UP.

They drive down the strip.
Pass by shops and restaurants.

YURI (CONT’D)
Look at all this fucking tourist crap.
(beat)
Crafton wanted me to bring you in.
(turns, smiles)
But I told him I have better idea.
We get to play game.

APRIL
What kind of --

She shuts up.
Doesn’t want to get hit again.

YURI
Ah, you want to know
what kind of game?
Well, you see, back in Russia
we have special method
to get information.
Way that make Gitmo
look like Camp David.
(hisses)
Waterboarding. For BABIES.
(beat)
I pride myself in being able
to keep detainee alive for WEEKS,
sometimes MONTHS.
(nasty laugh)
We’re going to have
lot of fun, babushka.

The car stops at a light.
Yuri turns his head. Sees --

EXT. CRAZY HORSE STRIP CLUB - CONTINUOUS
A trio of HOT, FLASHY STRIPPERS
come out of the club, laughing.
All hair, legs and boobs.

IN THE CAR
Yuri watches them.
Puts his tongue between two fingers,
wriggles it like a snake.

ON THE SIDEWALK
Tall, curvy does a take.

TALL, CURVY BLOND STRIPPER
EW. Did you see what that guy just DID?

HOT HISPANIC STRIPPER
(walks over, SLAPS handbag against the window)
Mother-FUCKER.

HOT ASIAN STRIPPER
Me love you NO-TIME.

IN THE CAR
April takes advantage of the distraction.
PIVOTS in her seat, curls into a ball,
raises her boots, pulls them back, and --

SLAMS them into Yuri’s head,
CRACKING it into the window.


APRIL
Take THAT, motherfucker!

She KICKS again, HARDER, BANG --
squishing his head like a grape.
Blood SPRAYS. The window CRACKS.

ON THE SIDEWALK
The strippers FREAK.

TALL, CURVY BLOND STRIPPER
Holy fucking SHIT!

HOT HISPANIC STRIPPER
OhmiGOD!

HOT ASIAN STRIPPER
Let’s get the fuck OUTTA HERE.

And they TAKE OFF, high-heels
CLATTERING on the pavement.

IN THE CAR
April surveys the damage. Sniffs.

APRIL
Fucker smells like cabbage --

Monday, January 21, 2013

Big, Thick Slabs Of Heavy Metal


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Do you too have a dream? Then it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of NOWHERE GIRL, undercover Homeland Security agent April Street gets apprehended black ops spook Yuri Vlaovic. Meanwhile Al Qaeda sleeper cell hostage's continuous 911 calls for help are finally answered ... and fugitive stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation tries to get help from a most unusual source ...


INT. MERCEDES SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives west on Sunset.
Starts to approach the strip.

She looks at the GPS.
A red dot BLINKS on the screen.

APRIL
I’ve got ya, baby.

A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS behind her.
An ANGRY VOICE comes over the loudspeaker.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
This is LAPD!
Pull over, NOW!

APRIL
FUCK. Again?

She turns the wheel.
Pulls over.
Stops at the curb.

An OFFICER appears on
either side of the car.
WEAPONS drawn.

CRAZED COP
Put your hands
where I can see them,
and step out of the car, NOW.

APRIL
I’m a federal officer.

CRAZED COP
I said RAISE YOUR HANDS
AND GET OUT OF THE CAR, NOW.

APRIL
Okay, okay --

She puts them up.
Opens the door.
Carefully gets out.

APRIL (CONT’D)
(reaches in her pocket)
I’m just gonna get my ID --

The cop GRABS April,
WHIRLS her around --
and SLAMS HER against the car.

APRIL (CONT’D)
OW!

Yuri walks over.
Lights a cigarette.
Surveys his prize.

YURI
(to the cop)
Don’t cuff her.
She’s mine.
(to April)
We meet again, Ms. Street.

APRIL
(whips her head around)
YOU.

YURI
Lucky for you I wear
stainless steel cup.

INT. BELL AIR SECURITY HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
A maze of cubicles, mostly empty.

A pair of FEMALE DISPATCHERS
sit side-by side at
adjacent work stations.

KANEESHA (35), a big, beautiful
African American woman with
long, curled nails
turns toward her coworker.

KANEESHA
I just got another one.

MIRASOL (25), a hot, young Latina
takes a sip of coffee.

MIRASOL
Another what.

KANEESHA
Another call from the same number.
But they don’t say nothin’.
They’ve called four times
in the last half-hour.

MIRASOL
Where they at?

KANEESHA
Caller ID says they be
in the Hollywood Hills.

MIRASOL
Maybe he be havin’ a heart attack
or somethin’.

KANEESHA
Maybe it’s his kid playin’
a practical joke.

MIRASOL
Maybe not.

KANEESHA
I been on this job
over ten years,
and I think I KNOW
when it’s a real call.

MIRASOL
Suit yourself.
(beat)
I’m just sayin.’

KANEESHA
(looks at her monitor)
Shit. There it is again.
Fuck it. I’m sendin’ a car.

EXT. RANCH HOUSE GARAGE - NIGHT
Cherry, Peeler and Stan
walk up to the door.

The music grows LOUDER.
Big, thick slabs of heavy metal.

PEELER
Decent band.

STAN
Sounds kinda like Sabbath.

CHERRY
Let me do the talking --

Friday, January 18, 2013

The Spy Who Fucked Me


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of NOWHERE GIRL, fugitive stripper Cherry Nation and her crew leave the stalled car and start hiking up into the Hollywood Hills to deliver 'the package' to the Al Qaeda sleeper cell ... when she gets a call from ex, CIA Shag Holiday, who reveals he's on the way to 'save' her ...

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - NIGHT
Cherry, Peeler and Stan
pile out of the Celica.

Start walking up into
the Hollywood Hills.

Cherry looks at the houses.

CHERRY
Look at the size
of THAT joint.

Cherry’s cell phone RINGS.
She gets it. Listens.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
Shag?
What’s wrong?
Are the kids okay?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CORVETTE - MOVING - NIGHT
Shag drives east on Sunset.
Passes The Beverly Hills Hotel.

SHAG
The kids are fine.
I was just calling
to see if --
everything was okay.

CHERRY
Why do you keep
checking up on me?
You’re driving me
fucking CRAZY.

Pause.

SHAG
I know what’s
going on, Cherry.
And I want
to help you.

CHERRY
What’s GOING ON?
You know
WHAT’S GOING ON? Uh,
I don’t THINK SO.

SHAG
Do you realize
how dangerous a
nuclear device is?
How unstable?

CHERRY
What the FUCK?
How did you --

SHAG
I’m CIA, Cherry.
I couldn’t tell you before --
for obvious reasons.
(beat)
And I’m sorry.
It fucking killed me.
So let’s just forget
everything that happened
and concentrate on
getting you out
of this mess.

CHERRY
So you don’t
sell shower heads.
I KNEW it.
All the secret
phone calls,
the long trips,
the injuries --
GODDAMMIT, Shag.

SHAG
I know. I know.
(beat)
I’m on my way.
I’ll be there soon.

CHERRY
How do you know where I --

SHAG
Aerial satellite
thermal tracking.
You’re carrying
plutonium, Cher.

CHERRY
I told you not to
CALL ME THAT anymore!
You, you -- ARRRRGHH!
(clicks the phone shut)
GODDAMMIT.

PEELER
Shag -- is the ex?

CHERRY
Yeah.
And the fuck-head’s
following us.
Bastard’s a fucking SPY.

PEELER
Shit.
What are we gonna do?

LOUD ROCK MUSIC
starts playing nearby.

Cherry looks at the house
they’re in front of.

It’s smaller, ranch-style.
And the music is
coming from the garage.

CHERRY
Follow me.
(beat)
I’ve got an idea --

Thursday, January 17, 2013

The Gift That Keeps Killing


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of NOWHERE GIRL, the owner of the Bel Air mansion being held hostage by the terrorist sleeper cell secretly calls for help on his phone. Meanwhile, CIA agent Shag Holiday traces the location of stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation's location ... while she tries to make her getaway in a stolen car ...


INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT
Hamad and Kamal watch a cheesy reality show
on the plasma TV.

HAMAD
Now this is television program.
The man gets to choose
from all these women.
And he doesn’t have to wait
for the afterlife.
(beat)
Check out the blonde.
I'm going to buy one of those.

KAMAL
But the woman are all -- so stupid.

ACROSS THE ROOM

The RICH HOMEOWNER sits with his wife
while the guards’ attention is on the TV.

Rich puts his hand
in his jacket pocket.

IN HIS POCKET
We see a CELL PHONE.

His fingers feel the buttons by touch.
He types in a number.

THE PHONE LCD
Reads ‘Bell Air Security.’

INT. CORVETTE - MOVING - NIGHT
Shag drives East on Sunset,
through the winding curves
near the approach to Beverly Hills.

SHAG
You say she’s at the corner
of Sunset and Orange?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS
Lark looks at a computer screen.
Stares at a circular mass of
orange and yellow smears
on a green background.

LARK
Plutonium never lies.
The gift that keeps killing.

SHAG
I want to call her,
find out if she’s okay.

LARK
Be careful.
Don’t let your personal feelings
cloud your judgement.
(beat)
She’s really that unstable?

SHAG
She’s a great gal.
It’s just that she has these --
mood swings.

LARK
And she’s got a nuke.

SHAG
Exactly.

LARK
Call her.
But be careful.
Explosions are forever.

SHAG
Hey.
Scared shitless in my middle name.

INT. TOYOTA CELICA - MOVING - NIGHT
Cherry drives. Peeler rides shotgun.
Stan sits in the back.

Peeler looks at his I-Phone.
Wipes the screen with a finger.

PEELER
It’s coming up soon, slow down --

CHERRY
Queen’s Boulevard?

PEELER
Yeah. This corner coming up.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - CONTINUOUS
The car turns right,
starts climbing the hill.

IN THE CAR

STAN
I know I’m supposed to be quiet,
but you need to know something
about the car.

CHERRY
What?

STAN
It gets kinda funky --
going up hills.

CHERRY
Funky how?

STAN
It strains the engine.
Sometimes it --

The engine COUGHS, SPUTTERS --
and DIES.

STAN (CONT’D)
Stalls out.

PEELER
Shit.

Cherry pulls over.
YANKS on the parking brake.

CHERRY
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK.

PEELER
(to Stan)
What do you do when it stalls?

STAN
Uh -- call Triple A.

CHERRY
Then let’s call Triple A.

STAN
My, uh -- membership expired.
I’ve been meaning to renew it,
but it’s fifty bucks, and --

CHERRY
Jesus fucking Christ on a STICK.
We’re gonna have to walk.
Everybody out of the car.

She opens her door.
Peeler sighs, opens his.

STAN
Can I stay with the car?

CHERRY
So you can tell the cops
we stole it and kidnapped you?
Hell, NO. Outta the car,
Napoleon Dynamite, NOW.

STAN
Okay, okay.
(beat)
Jeez.
(giggles)
Vote for Pablo!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Shit My Pants


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of NOWHERE GIRL, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation and hipster Peeler Mardo need news wheels, so they go to a movie theater ... and hijack a film nerd. Meanwhile, undercover Homeland Security agent April Street fends off the advances of Palestinian arms dealer Avi Abbas ...


EXT. SUNSET BLVD - ARCLIGHT THEATER - NIGHT
Cherry and Peeler watch a crowd of people
filing out of the theater.
Chatting about the movie they just saw.

CHERRY
Let’s find a film nerd.

PEELER
And follow him.

As if on cue, a fuzzy-faced FILM GEEK (20)
walks away from the crowd.
Talking on his cell phone.

FILM GEEK
It was INCREDIBLE.
Charlie Kaufman is a GENIUS.
I have to see it again,
there are so many layers --

CHERRY
Follow me.

They fall into step behind him.

He walks down the sidewalk,
turns onto a cross street.

Cherry and Peeler follow.

DOWN THE SIDE STREET
Film Geek reaches his car.
A piece of shit ‘79 Toyota Celica.

Covered with bumper stickers.
PETA. PHISH. PANAVISION.

He puts his key in the door.
Opens it. Cherry walks over.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
Excuse me.

FILM GEEK
C-can I help you?

CHERRY
Give me the keys to your car.

FILM GEEK
I -- d-don’t understand.

Cherry pulls out her GUN.
Aims it at him.

CHERRY
I said GIVE ME THE KEYS.

Peeler appears.

PEELER
Give her the keys, dude.
Chick is DANGEROUS.
(whispers to Cherry)
Where’d you get the gat?

CHERRY
That agent chick dropped it
back at Jumbo’s.

Geek hands her the keys.
Looks like he’s gonna cry.

CHERRY (CONT'D)
Hey, lighten up.
We’re not going to hurt you.
We just need your car.

GEEK
I drove all the way from SYLMAR.
How am I supposed to get HOME?

PEELER
We could take him with us.

CHERRY
Are you fucking kidding me?
We’d be putting him
in a lot of danger.

GEEK
Don’t worry about me.
I’ll sit in the back seat
and be real quiet, I promise.
It’s okay.
D-d-danger is my middle name.
(beat)
I’m Stan, by the way.

PEELER
(to Cherry)
C’mon.
We’re taking the dude’s wheels.

CHERRY
Goddammit.
(beat)
Okay.
(to Stan)
Stay in the back, be quiet --
and no questions. Got it?

STAN
G-got it.
(beat)
Oh, SHIT.

CHERRY
What’s wrong NOW?

STAN
Shit my pants --

INT. MERCEDES SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives west on Sunset,
passes the Arclight Theater.
Looks at her PDA. Scowls.

APRIL
Now they’re moving again. Shit.

She PUMPS the gas,
starts SWERVING through traffic.

Her cell phone RINGS.
She picks it up, listens.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Avi.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - NIGHT
Avi sits at his desk,
looks at data on his computer monitor.

AVI
You fucking BITCH.
First you fuck up the drop,
and then you KILL my employee?

APRIL
Your EMPLOYEE gave the package
to the WRONG PERSON.
I was about to
GET THE PACKAGE from her,
and he fucking MESSED IT UP.
And then tried to KILL ME.
(beat)
Do me a favor and
hold onto your dick, ALRIGHT?
I’m gonna get the package
and deliver it, before dawn.
GOT IT?

Pause.

AVI
How do I know I can trust you?

APRIL
My god, you Palestinians
are fucking PARANOID.
Will you just let me DO MY JOB?

AVI
Okay, okay, okay.
(beat)
You’ll call me after the drop?

APRIL
Yeah.

AVI
Then maybe --
we could grab a little --
early breakfast?

April CLICKS her phone shut.

APRIL
As if.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Gossip Girl


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of NOWHERE GIRL, CIA agent Shag Holliday races to rescue his ex, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation. Meanwhile, one of black ops spook Sledge Crafton's asssassin Yuri Vlaovic, pretending to be Homeland Security, gets the cops to help him find Cherry ...


EXT. PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY - NIGHT
A Corvette convertible RACES up the coastline.

INT. CORVETTE - MOVING - NIGHT
Shag’s behind the wheel.
Talking on his cell.

SHAG
Thanks again for watching the kids, mom.
(beat)
No, I told you -- she’s not in trouble.
She just -- needs some help.
(beat)
Love you, too.

He ends the call.
PUNCHES another number. Listens.

SHAG (CONT’D)
Hey there, Gossip Girl.
It’s your favorite rogue agent.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - NIGHT
Lark sips a mug of coffee.
Smiles into her headset.

LARK
Hey, there.
Ready to rock and roll?

SHAG
Thanks for helping me.
You could lose your job.

LARK
I can always get another job.
(beat)
But I can’t get another you.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and Peeler run down the alley behind Jumbo’s.

CHERRY
We gotta get wheels, fast.

PEELER
Maybe we should --
I dunno, turn ourselves in.
I mean, she’s a FEDERAL AGENT.
We’re in serious shit.

CHERRY
We’re in this too far to quit now.
(beat)
And besides, I though you wanted to fuck me.

Peeler’s face turns RED. What the -- ?
Cherry pulls out a GUN. Evil smile.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
C’mon, let’s go get us a car.

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
The Intruder lies on the floor.
He raises his head. OW, that HURTS.

He pushes himself up by his arms
into a sitting position. Looks around.
April is gone. This is NOT good.

Stripper Bartender STOMPS over to him.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
Get the FUCK outta my bar.
You scared away all the fucking CUSTOMERS.

A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS outside.
Intruder takes off the motorcycle helmet.
Pulls out his ID.

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m federal agent, Ma’am.
This is matter of national security.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
You mean --

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m one of good guys.

Meet YURI VLAOVIC (40), Croatian ex-pat.
Another agent under Sledge’s employ.
Expert assassin. Strictly old-school.

Two COPS come racing in.
Weapons drawn.

ANGRY COP
LAPD! Stay where YOU ARE!

UGLY COP
Don’t MOVE!

Yuri sighs. Shows them his ID.

YURI
Homeland Security.

Angry looks at his credentials.
Holy cow.

ANGRY COP
He’s Homeland Security.

UGLY COP
With that accent?

Yuri’s cell phone RINGS.
He gets up slowly. Answers it.

YURI
Gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me.
(into the phone)
Is Yuri --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Sledge sits in an easy chair
by the window sipping a scotch.

SLEDGE
You get her yet?

YURI
She, uh -- got away, sir.

SLEDGE
You let her GET AWAY?

YURI
Don’t worry, I get her.
She is driving car of employee of Avi.
I have license number.
Every cop in city will be
on her ass if I tell them
she is terrorist.

Pause.

SLEDGE
I knew there was a reason
we paid big bucks to get you on board.
Go get ‘em, and report to me
as soon as anything happens.
(beat)
This one’s personal.

YURI
Yes, sir. Over and under.

He clicks shut the phone.
Smiles strangely. Looks pensive.
Angry Cop stares at Yuri.

ANGRY COP
You’re chasing a TERRORIST?

YURI
Yes. She is very dangerous.
We have to apprehend her immediately.

UGLY COP
And you have her license number?
Give it me.

Yuri pulls a notebook
out of his pocket.

Scribbles on it.
Hands it to Ugly.

YURI
I believe term is APB?

Monday, January 14, 2013

I Love The Smell Of Napalm On A Stripper Pole


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of NOWHERE GIRL, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation contacts the terrorists and arranges to make 'the drop.' Meanwhile, undercover Homeland Security agent April Street finally catches up with her, but then has to fight an assassin that suddenly shows up ...


INT. SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives the car slowly on the right-hand side,
checks the hand-held PDA.

APRIL
They’re right near here --

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT
Cherry pays the BARTENDER (40), an ex-stripper.

CHERRY
Keep the change.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
Thanks, doll.

Stripper Bartender ambles away,
goes behind the bar.

PEELER
What now?

CHERRY
I’m gonna call the guy.
Then we’re gonna see the guy.
Get the money.
(looks down)
And then I can finally
get this thing off my wrist.
It’s fucking killing me.

She pulls out a piece of paper.
Her cell. PUNCHES a number.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
Wish me luck.

PEELER
Luck.

CHERRY
(into the phone)
Hello?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT
Hamad, Kamal and the rest sit and watch
DEAL OR NO DEAL on a huge plasma-screen.

KAMAL
It’s ridiculous. Greedy Americans.
There is no GAME.

HAMAD
Look at number twenty-seven.
She looks Persian.

Kamal’s phone RINGS. He gets it. Listens.

KAMAL
Hello, Avi?

CHERRY
No, this is Cherry Nation. Who’s Avi?

KAMAL
What is Cherry -- Nation?

CHERRY
I’M Cherry Nation.
And I have your briefcase.

KAMAL
(to Hamad)
It’s the girl with the package.
(to Cherry)
Where are you?

CHERRY
I’m on my way to see you.
You have the money?

KAMAL
Of course.
(to Hamad)
She doesn’t know who Avi is.
This smells funny.
I don’t like it.

HAMAD
(eyes on the TV)
Not to worry.
If it goes wrong, we kill her.
Then we go visit Avi.

CHERRY
You still there?

KAMAL
You have the address?

CHERRY
Yeah, I’m on my way.

She hangs up.
The reality of all of this
is finally sinking in.

Freak-out time.
Peeler puts his hand on top of Cherry’s.

PEELER
You okay?
You look -- scared to death.

CHERRY
Of course I’m fucking scared to death.
Aren’t you?

PEELER
Shit, yeah.

CHERRY
Thanks for doing this with me.
You know, you’re not such a --

The front door BANGS OPEN.
In walks April.

APRIL
Everybody FREEZE.
I’m a FEDERAL OFFICER.

April sees Cherry.
Starts walking toward her.

APRIL (CONT'D)
You gave me quite the
little goose-chase, girlie.
You’re under arrest, both of you.

A FIGURE IN BLACK appears in the doorway
wearing a motorcycle helmet.
He raises a sawed-off SHOTGUN.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
HEY. NO GUNS ALLOWED!

April WHIPS her head around.
Sees the intruder.

APRIL
Shit, DUCK!

Cherry and Peeler HIT the floor.
April FLIPS over the table,
and they all get behind it.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Don’t fucking MOVE. Stay here.

The shotgun BLASTS.
The table top SPLINTERS.

April ROLLS across the floor.
Gets behind the bar, where
Stripper Bartender trembles on the floor.

She pulls out her Sig Sauer,
FIRES a hail of BULLETS.
They BOUNCE off his kevlar vest.

THE FIGURE
BLASTS again at the bar.
Bottles SMASH. Glass goes FLYING.

APRIL
Returns fire.
Aims for his head.

BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!
But the bullets BOUNCE off the helmet.

BEHIND THE TABLE
Cherry whispers to Peeler.

CHERRY
Let’s get the fuck out of here.

PEELER
I’m right with you.

They scuttle across the floor to the back door.
Push it open.

The shotgun BLASTS.

BEHIND THE BAR
Bottles and glass are FLYING.
Booze is pouring everywhere.

April finds an intact bottle. Opens it.
Pours it on a cleaning rag.

Stuffs it in the bottle.
Pulls out a lighter.

APRIL
I love the smell of napalm
on a stripper pole.

And LIGHTS IT.
A ROAR of flames WHOOSHES straight up.

She HEAVES IT at the figure.
He CATCHES IT in a gloved hand.

INTRUDER IN BLACK
Sorry, baby. Fire-resistant.

He TOSSES it out the front door,
where it EXPLODES, taking out
a parked car in a BALL OF FLAME.

APRIL
Who THE FUCK are you?!

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m from human resources.
And this is your severance package.

He PUMPS the gun. FIRES.
April DUCKS behind the bar.

INTRUDER IN BLACK (CONT’D)
Come out, come out, whereever you are.

Another BLAST. It hits a tap.
A geyser of beer WHOOSHES up.

BEHIND THE BAR
April looks around.
Sees an aluminum baseball bat.
GRABS it.

APRIL
Deja vu all over again.

THE INTRUDER
Walks toward the bar.
PUMPS the gun. FIRES.

And, as he reaches it,
he leans over, pushes the shotgun down --

And April FLIES UP, SWINGS the bat,
and SMASHES it into his head with a CRACK.
He weaves a little. Stunned.

April JUMPS OVER the bar.
CRACKS him in the crotch.

He goes down, reeling in pain.
She GRABS his gun.

KICKS him in the stomach.
The HEAD. He goes out like a light.

APRIL (CONT'D)
I’m filing a claim for HARASSMENT.

She GRABS him by the leg.
DRAGS him over to the stripper pole.

Pulls out handcuffs.
CLICKS him to the brass rail.

She looks around.
Sees that Cherry and Peeler are gone. Shit.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Fuck.

A SIREN wails outside.
She dashes toward the back.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
HEY. Who’s gonna pay for this MESS?

She stops. Turns.

APRIL
Write your congressman --

Friday, January 11, 2013

Till Death Do Us Part


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of NOWHERE GIRL, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation holes up in a dive bar on the Sunset Strip and calls her ex, Shag Holliday, who's watching her kids while she's away, and almost reveals the mess she's in. But what she doesn't realize is that Shag is a CIA operative, and he gets on the phone with Langley and discovers the truth, much to his horror ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH BUNGALOW - NIGHT
A lovely 100-year-old Craftsman
on a leafy walkway street.

Lit by old-fashioned lampposts.
Steps away from the sand.

INT. BUNGALOW - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Two cute little GIRLS (5) and (7)
sleep peacefully.

INT. BUNGALOW - KITCHEN - NIGHT
A MAN rummages in the fridge.
Looking for a snack.

He pulls out his cell phone.
PUNCHES a number.

Meet SHAG HOLIDAY (35), who if you remember,
is the person we heard Cherry speaking to
at the top of the story.

Buff and cut.
Too good-looking to be
a shower head salesman.

Which is why he is actually a CIA operative.
Oh, and he’s also Cherry’s recent ex.
He RIPS off a turkey leg. Listens.

SHAG
Hey, it’s me.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT
A seedy stripper hangout on the Sunset Strip.
Weird psychobilly on the jukebox.
A sign reeds NO TOP, NO SERVICE.

Cherry sits in a booth with Peeler.
Both have the remnants of
burgers and coffee on the table.
Cherry talks on her cell.

CHERRY
Shag.
(beat)
Ohmigod, I forgot to call you.

SHAG
It’s okay.
I just wanted to make sure
you were -- okay.

CHERRY
Are you checking up on me AGAIN?
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -- it’s been --
(looks at Peeler)
Quite an evening.

SHAG
Something happen?

CHERRY
You could say that.

SHAG
What, your flight get delayed?

Pause.
CHERRY
There was a -- luggage incident.

SHAG
A 'luggage incident?'
What happened? Are you okay?

CHERRY
I’m fine.
Someone gave me a briefcase
by mistake and then split.
Then it turned out
that some people want it --

She looks at Peeler.
He shrugs. Go for it.

SHAG
Someone gave you a briefcase -- by MISTAKE?
What have you gotten yourself into?
Are these people chasing you now?

CHERRY
No, no, no.
I’m -- delivering it to them.
Then I’m on a plane, promise.
Gotta be at the club tomorrow.
(brightly)
How are the girls?
Did you tuck them in?

SHAG
The girls are fine.
Don’t deflect, Cherry.
I need to know what you --

CHERRY
NO, YOU DON’T.
This is MY life, Shag.
Thank you for watching the kids,
I owe you one. But what we had is OVER,
and you have NO RIGHT
to give me the third degree.
I’ll call you tomorrow, BYE.

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Cherry hangs up. Looks at Peeler.
Rolls her eyes.

PEELER
That was your ex.

CHERRY
It was that obvious.

PEELER
Hey. Universal language of love.
(beat)
So he’s mad at you?

CHERRY
He was always mad at me.
A real sweetheart,
but overprotective much?
Always keeping tabs on me.
Knew every move I made.
Fucking creepy.

INT. BUNGALOW - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Shag sits at the table with his snack.
Takes a pull on his longneck.
Punches another number on his cell.

SHAG
(listens)
It’s Holiday.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
A maze of dimly lit cubicles and workstations.
Despite the hour, the joint is abuzz
with OPERATIVES and TECHNICIANS.

A BLONDE OPERATIVE (25)
takes the call at her desk.

Crosses her long, amazing legs.
Leans back.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Holiday? What’s up?
I thought you were --
(chuckles)
On holiday.

SHAG
Funny. Listen.
I need you to check surveillance at LAX.
Something went down tonight,
and I need to know what happened.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Comin’ right up.

She WHEELS AROUND to a bank of nearby monitors.
Fingers CLACK-CLACK-CLACK across her keyboard.

The screens SPRING TO LIFE,
showing images at the airport.

BLONDE OPERATIVE (CONT’D)
Do you have any intel? Airline?

SHAG
Not sure.
Flight was going to Vegas.
The subject was supposed to be on it.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Who’s the subject?

Pause.

SHAG
Cherry Nation.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
The bipolar ex.

SHAG
Don’t remind me.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Hold on.

SHAG
Thanks, Lark.

Lark PUNCHES IN more information.
A list of airline flights and
passenger manifests FLY ACROSS
her computer screen.

LARK
Here we go -- Cherry Nation,
Sky Blue, flight to Vegas,
departing at gate 115 at 9PM.

She WHIRLS AROUND in her chair,
goes back to the monitors.

LARK (CONT’D)
Okay, let’s go back to say, 8:30.

Lark PUNCHES IT in.

THE SCREEN
Shows the airport bar.
The windows EXPLODING with GUN FIRE.

LARK (CONT'D)
Oh, yeah -- that’s right.
I was briefed about this.
Jesus, I need more coffee.

SHAG
What the fuck happened?

LARK
Nothing much.
A suitcase nuke that was meant
for an Al Qaeda sleeper cell
was mistakenly given to the wrong person.

SHAG
Do they say WHO?

LARK
Was supposed to be an undercover operative
from Homeland Security --
but they’re really C-6,
that’s just a cover.
They were acting as the broker
between the supplier and the cell.

SHAG
What the fuck is C-6?

LARK
(low)
It’s a new black ops unit.
Very hush-hush. That’s all I know.
You didn’t hear it from me.

Shag stands. Starts pacing.
Head reeling.

SHAG
Cherry said someone gave her
a briefcase by mistake.
SHE HAS THE NUKE.

LARK
FUCK.
When did you last talk with her?

SHAG
Just now. Shit.
Let me give you her cell number,
you can triangulate her position.

LARK
We’re supposed to back away
from this one, Shag.

SHAG
She’s my EX.
And I’m WATCHING HER KIDS.

Pause.

LARK
Give me the number.

SHAG
Till death do us part, huh?

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Severance Package


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of NOWHERE GIRL, after black ops spook Sledge Crafton puts a burn notice on undercover Homeland Security agent April Street, she has to fight off his operatives who want to kill her ...


INT. MERCEDES SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives down Sunset Boulevard west,
into Hollywood.

She pulls out Token’s tracking device,
a small, hand-held PDA.

She FLICKS it on.
Looks at the screen.

APRIL
Bingo.
They’re only a mile or two away.

As the car takes a turn,
another car SWERVES toward her.

Her focus momentarily away from the road,
she doesn’t see it, and the cars SIDESWIPE
each other with a CRUNCH.

The other car pulls over.
April keeps going.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Shit, shit, shit.

A siren WHOOPS behind her.
She checks out the rearview.

IN THE MIRROR
Is an LAPD black and white cruiser.
Cherry lights FLASHING.

APRIL
Pulls over. Stops.
Rolls down her window.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Great. Just great.

A GRIM OFFICER approaches the car.
Leans in the window.

GRIM OFFICER
License, registration and
proof of insurance, please.

April goes into her handbag,
hands the officer her papers.
Then shows him her ID.

APRIL
I realize leaving the scene of an accident
is a serious offense, officer,
but I’m a Homeland Security agent,
and this is a matter of national security.
(low, urgent)
I need to retrieve a runaway suitcase nuke.

He takes the ID.
Inspects it. Hmmm.

April is puzzled, as this normally
opens doors faster than a naked woman.

Then she notices the tattoo
on the side of his neck.
Strictly against LAPD regulations.

GRIM OFFICER
Would you please
step out of the car, Miss?

APRIL
Sure thing, officer.

She slowly opens the door,
and SMASHES it into his legs.

He BUCKLES, hits the ground.
April DASHES over, GRABS his piece,
and KARATE KICKS him in the head
with a CRACK. He goes down.

April retrieves her ID,
still clenched in the 'officer’s' fist.

The other officer gets out the squad car,
starts FIRING at her.

April LEAPS in front of the SUV,
and RETURNS FIRE.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Sledge didn’t waste any time.

A HELICOPTER appears overhead.
April looks up.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Whoah. He’s REALLY mad.

She pulls a GRENADE out of her pocket,
and, like a pitcher at the World Series --
HURLS it at the squad car.

BOOM. It EXPLODES in a massive FIREBALL.

April JUMPS in the SUV,
and TAKES OFF in a SCREECH of rubber.

The chopper follows,
SPRAYING the SUV with MACHINE GUN FIRE.

INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April feels around under the driver’s seat.

APRIL
Let’s hope he’s got some
samples of the merchandise.

She pulls out a huge
TACTICAL ASSAULT WEAPON.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Bingo.

April GUNS THE ENGINE.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The car reaches an area full of
warehouses, soundstages, strip malls.
The grungy part of Hollywood.

The car HITS a hard right at an intersection,
tires SCREECHING, and FLIES down an alley,
the chopper following.

INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April sees the loading dock of a warehouse.
She pulls up to it. STOPS.
JUMPS out of the car with the gun.

A crew of WORKERS watch her.
Approach the car.

ANGRY WORKER
Hey, lady. You can’t park here.

SURPRISED WORKER
Shit! She’s got a gun!

The chopper ROARS above them.
Machine guns FIRING.

APRIL
(above the roar)
Stand back! Homeland Security!

She runs into the alley,
and FIRES up at the helicopter --
RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-
TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!!!

UP ABOVE
The chopper EXPLODES in what is now
the requisite massive fireball
of flames and smoke.

It CRASHES on the roof
of a nearby building, which IMPLODES.

April lowers her weapon.
Smiles grimly.

EXCITED WORKER
A hot chick like you
is Homeland Security?

SMILING WORKER
Where those terrorists?

APRIL
Sorry, fellas.
That’s on a need-to-blow-up basis --

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Gang Bang


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of NOWHERE GIRL, undercover Homeland Security agent April Street tangles with black ops spook Token Ware in a 'fight to the finish.' Meanwhile, the Al Quaeda sleeper cell enjoys the good life in the Hollywood Hills mansion where they're holding the rich couple that lives there hostage ...


EXT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT
April comes out the front door,
walks to the curb.

Sees Token’s big, black SUV.
Takes out his keys,
presses a button,
and THWIP, the doors open.

APRIL
He won’t mind if I
borrow it for a little while.

The front door FLIES OPEN,
and Token RACES toward April,
carrying the chair she cuffed him to.

She JUMPS IN.
LOCKS the doors.
Token POUNDS on the window.

TOKEN
Open the fucking DOOR, BITCH!

APRIL
(pulls out her gun)
Back off!

He raises the chair,
and SMASHES it into the
driver’s side window,
SHATTERING it.
Glass SPRAYS.

April FLINGS the door open,
LEAPS OUT, and KICKS him, WHACK!

He FLIES backward. THUD.
He gets up, chair now gone,
holding his chained wrists apart,
like a weapon.

TOKEN
I’m gonna KILL you.

April SHOOTS him in the head. BANG.
It EXPLODES in a cloud of red mist.

APRIL
Not if I kill you first.
(beat)
Asshole.
Now I gotta clean this up.

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT
Hamad sits at the bar,
sips from a cut-glass rock glass.

HAMAD
(to the husband)
Excellent scotch.
(holds up the bottle)
Glenlivet.
(to Kamal)
Make a note of it.

Kamal nods.
He starts pacing,
looks worried.

Hamad opens up a cigar box.
Takes one out.
Sniffs it.

RICH HUSBAND
Cuban. Help yourself.

He GRABS a fistful.
SHOVES them in his pocket.

HAMAD
Damn right I help myself.

Hamad shoves one in his mouth.
Starts to light it.

RICH HUSBAND
You’re supposed to cut the --

HAMAD
SHUT UP.
I know how to smoke CIGAR.

He BITES OFF the end.
SPITS IT out.
Sticks it back in.

FIRES it up.
He leans back, smiling.
Puffing away.

KAMAL
I am concerned about the --
delivery, sir.

HAMAD
So we have to wait a bit.
We are comfortable.
I trust Avi.
He comes recommended most highly.

Trophy Wife starts quietly sobbing.

HAMAD (CONT’D)
SILENCE.

One of the guards, SAAD,
grins a brown,
broken-tooth smile.

SAAD
She soiled herself,
oh holy one.

The other guard, MOHAMMED,
nods solemnly.

MOHAMMED
She smell like
wet camel in hot sun.

RICH HUSBAND
Please sir,
if you have any decency,
would you please let her
get cleaned up and change
into some fresh clothes.
We’re cooperating with you.
(takes off his watch)
Here, take my watch. It’s a Rolex.
It’s worth twenty-five-thousand dollars.

Saad SNATCHES the watch,
brings it to Hamad.

He inspects it, smiles,
slips it on.

HAMAD
Very well.
(to Saad)
Take the woman to her room,
let her shower and change.

SAAD
And then I have sex with her?

HAMAD
Of course.
(smiles)
We all will.
It is, how they say
in the States --
(beat)
'Gang Bang?'

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Burn Notice


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of NOWHERE GIRL, undercover Homeland Security agent April Street gets into a vicious argument with her 'boss,' black ops spook Sledge Crafton. Meanwhile, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation and Peeler Mardo get into a scuffle with a group of gang bangers on the bus ...


INT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT
April looks through Token’s pockets.
Finds the handcuff keys.

APRIL
(on the phone)
Sledge. What a pleasant surprise.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - NIGHT
Sledge paces slowly, sipping scotch
from a cut-glass tumbler.
BARKS into the speakerphone on his desk.

SLEDGE
Watch your tone with me, GIRLIE.
I’m still your fucking BOSS.

APRIL
Is that MY fucking boss --
or FUCKING my boss?

SLEDGE
Can it, Street, before I can YOU.
What’s going on?
You secure the case?

APRIL
Uh -- no.
There’s been a little -- problem.

SLEDGE
A little PROBLEM?
So help me Street,
if you’ve fucked this up,
I’m gonna have your ass.

APRIL
You’ve already had my ass.
Now listen to me, and don’t interrupt --

SLEDGE
STREET, GODAMMIT --

APRIL
SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!
Avi’s guy Ware came in
and fucked everything up!
The girl and the guy
who have the case split,
but I’ve got Ware’s tracking transmitter,
and I will FIND THEM and GET IT --
so stop thinking with your DICK,
take a CHILL PILL,
and let me do my JOB.

Sledge HURLS his glass
against the wall with a CRASH.

SLEDGE
How DARE you talk to me like that.
I will NOT have it.
I’m dismissing you from the case.
(beat)
And the unit.

APRIL
You’re putting out a
burn notice on me?

SLEDGE
See you IN HELL.

He PUNCHES the speakerphone,
sending it FLYING across the room --
where it CRACKS into the wall.

APRIL
Sledge? Boss? You there?
(beat)
Talk about a severance package --

INT. CITY BUS - MOVING - NIGHT
One of those long, red monsters,
in sections, like a snake.
Only a handful of passengers.

Cherry and Peeler sit toward the back.
Look at a video monitor.

CHERRY
I didn’t know they had TV on the bus.

PEELER
It’s not real TV. Watch.

ON THE SCREEN
A smiling LATINA gives a pitch about
‘Accidentes Abigados.’

CHERRY
Makes a face.

CHERRY
It’s in Spanish.

PEELER
Welcome to how the other half lives.

The bus STOPS.
A trio of GANG-BANGERS (early 20’s) boards.
They strut down the aisle.

The first one, the LEADER, sees Cherry.
He stops. Nudges the others.
Gold-toothed smiles.

They move slowly, sauntering,
until they reach Cherry and Peeler.

The leader sits in front of them.
The others, behind.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
What'cha got in da case, mommy?

CHERRY
Uh -- nothing.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
Can’t be nothin’,
or else you wouldn’ta be cuffed to it.

The SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER
sitting behind Cherry
FLIPS open a switchblade,
revealing a long knife.

Cherry SHUDDERS.

SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER
It’s gotta be valuable, riiight?

The other kid, a
TALLER, GOOD-LOOKING GANG-BANGER
pulls out a forty-ounce bottle
of malt liquor. Takes a swig.

TALLER, GOOD-LOOKING GANG-BANGER
I say she open it
and show us what she’s got.

PEELER
That wouldn’t be a good idea.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
And why is dat?

The bus JERKS to a stop.
A FAT WOMAN in a wheelchair is getting on.
This will take a little while.

CHERRY
Because it’s a BOMB.

The Leader starts LAUGHING.
Then, the others join in.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
You kiddin’ me.
Why would a nice piece of pussy
like you have a BOMB?

CHERRY
For assholes like YOU.

She LEAPS UP -- and WHACKS Leader
in the head with the case, CRACK,
SPINS AROUND, and CRACKS
Short, Ugly in the face.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
(to Peeler)
MOVE IT, now!

Peeler JUMPS UP,
races toward the exit.

Tall, Good-Looking cowers with fear.

CHERRY (CONT'D)
You want a piece of this, homes?

He shakes his head ‘no.’

CHERRY (CONT’D)
I didn’t think so.
Hasta la vista, refried motherfuckers.

EXT. BUS STOP - SECONDS LATER
Cherry and Peeler FLY out the exit door.
RACE down the street.
LAUGHING and WHOOPING.

PEELER
Holy fucking shit!
You CLOCKED ‘em!

Cherry slows down.
Catches her breath.

CHERRY
I don’t know what happened.
It was like something snapped --
and I just DID it.

PEELER
You were great.
And I don’t even feel emasculated.
(beat)
Okay, where to now?

CHERRY
I’m starving.
Let’s grab a quick bite, regroup,
and then deliver this fucker.

PEELER
(staring, big smile)
I’d follow you
to the end of the earth.

Cherry stops.
Gives him the eye.

CHERRY
I’m still not gonna fuck you --

Monday, January 7, 2013

Leave The Bombing To Us


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of NOWHERE GIRL, it's a clusterfuck of epic proportions when the Al Quaeda sleeper cell starts complaining that their 'package' is late, and undercover Homeland Security agent April Street has to explain to Palestinian arms dealer Avi Abbas why. Meanwhile, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation and hipster Peeler Mardo make their escape ... on the bus ...


INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT
Kamal clicks his phone shut.
Looks at Hamad.

KAMAL
She said there was a delay,
that she was on her way,
and then -- the line went dead.

HAMAD
I do not understand.

KAMAL
It sounded like there was a struggle.
Our operation might be comprised.

HAMAD
Give me your phone.

He does. Hamad PUNCHES a number. Listens.

HAMAD (CONT’D)
Hello, Avi?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - NIGHT
Avi stands out on the balcony,
talking on his cell.

He fires up a smoke
with a CLICK of his Zippo.

AVI
I assume you are calling to thank me.
And to confirm that payment is on the way.

HAMAD
There has been NO DELIVERY.
This -- woman is late,
and then she calls and says
there has been a delay,
and then there is fighting
and the phone goes dead.
What kind of operation are you running!?

AVI
(smooth)
Please accept my profuse apologies.
I have someone on the way
to intercept it as we speak.
All my packages get delivered.
Let me call my man and
I’ll get back to you within the hour.

HAMAD
Very well.
I will await your word.
And look forward to
concluding this transaction.

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - BALCONY - CONTINUOUS
Avi FLINGS his cigarette over the ledge.
Furiously PUNCHES a number on his cell. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April lies on the floor.

Token, a few feet away,
still out like a light.

She opens her eyes.
Sits up. Rubs her head.

APRIL
Shit.

The phone in Token’s pocket RINGS.

APRIL (CONT’D)
That might be Avi --

She goes to his jacket,
gets the phone. Listens.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Avi?

AVI
It’s YOU.
What THE FUCK is going on?
What HAPPENED? Why haven’t you
delivered the PACKAGE?
And where is TOKEN?

APRIL
TOKEN gave THE PACKAGE to the WRONG PERSON.
A woman who looks like me.
He was EARLY. I was ON TIME.

AVI
Where is he now?

APRIL
On the floor. Out cold.

AVI
Where are you?

APRIL
Silverlake.
At the house of the woman
who he gave the case to.
Or maybe its her boyfriend’s place,
I’m not sure.

AVI
There’s ANOTHER person involved in this?

APRIL
Hey, you can thank Ware for that.

AVI
But you have the case?
From the woman?

APRIL
No. They’re gone.

AVI
What THE FUCK?

APRIL
Relax.
I’ve got Ware’s transmitter.
I’m gonna go get it.

AVI
But what about Ware?

APRIL
You think I give two shits?
I don’t answer to you.
WARE fucked this up, and now I’M
gonna have to clean up his mess.
(hears something)
I have another call.
I’ll call you back.
(punches a button)
This is Street.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
A lonely stretch of Sunset, way east.
Far from the strip.

Cherry and Peeler sit
on a bench at a bus stop. Waiting.

Cherry grips the briefcase
to her chest like it’s a baby.

PEELER
We should figure out a way
to get you out of those handcuffs.

CHERRY
That would be nice.

PEELER
(sees something)
There’s the bus.

CHERRY
Go Metro.
Leave the bombing to us --