Happy Saturday, crime fiends. So glad you could make it. It's cold and grey here at the beach. Got a fire going ... in my belly. Have a craving for danger. Darkness. Depravity. Debauchery. How about you? Come on in and get some ...
So I'm on this DIE HARD kick this week. Screened the latest one last week, then revisited the first one the other night ... and last night, I saw DIE HARD 2. Not as great as the first one, but still fun. The villian was no where NEAR the genius of Alan Rickman, but he was appropriately nasty. It was a little too 'winky-jokey' for my tastes some of the time. But that's the price you have to pay for doing your research. Feel like there's a big, nasty action tentpole in my pants ... and it's fighting to get out. My manager says I'm a 'female Gus Van Sant,' working her way up to something completely commercial.
Well, we'll see.
Netflix is delivering DIE HARD 3 today, and I think I might be a bit Bruce Willised-out. Might be time to dig into my noir collection for something a little more ... subtle.
Onto today's joint from Wilshire Boulevard. Christian pornographer/TV movie producer (now THAT'S a combination) Ken Rice is taking a meeting with TV movie mogul Roland Yavo, and he tries to blackmail him into making a deal with pictures of his son in drag ... with disasterous results.
EXT. THE LOBSTER - NIGHT
An outre joint right at the Santa Monica Pier.
Riot of color as the sun sets over lapping waves.
‘MEANWHILE, RIGHT DOWN THE STREET.’
INT. THE LOBSTER - CONTINUOUS
The place is packed. Yavo and Rice sit a table for four
in front of a huge window. The view is breathtaking.
The meeting, not.
I only agreed to meet with you because
you said the project involved my son.
And I thank you for seeing me on such short notice.
I know your friend Mickey Sennet.
He said this story would be right up your alley.
Mickey Sennet is a used-car salesman.
He just brings us the property,
half the time he’s STOLEN it.
We never let that cocksucker do any real ‘producing.’
So why didn’t Mickey bring it to me?
Well, right now he’s on location in Nova Scotia.
Working on WHAT?
A Vanna White biopic for the Family Channel.
Who’s playing Vanna?
That girl from American Idol.
She was first runner-up in season eight.
(SNAPS his fingers)
What’s her name? Great set of pipes --
I don’t watch that shit.
(sips his cocktail)
Tell me about your project.
And how my son is involved.
Ken reaches down, takes a envelope from his briefcase.
Pulls out a treatment. Hands it to Yavo with a flourish.
‘Sins of the Father’ is a working title.
It’s the true story of a teacher
who has a homosexual affair with one of his students,
who turns out to be his long-lost son.
It’s edgy, but touching.
A sure ratings-grabber.
(leafing through the text)
This is one of the WORST ideas I’ve ever been PITCHED.
(THROWS it at Ken)
GAY doesn’t play at the NETWORKS.
Not unless they DIE.
A couple at the next table look.
Between a FATHER AND SON?
What, are you fucking CRAZY?
More people look. Hushed whispers.
I’m already in talks with Bruce Boxlietner
to play the father.
Bruce BOXLIETNER? That washed-up HAS-BEEN?
(over his shoulder)
Ken reaches down.
Pulls out a sheaf of eight-by-ten glossies.
FLIPS them onto the table.
I just shot a tranny porn
with your son Nikki, in DRAG, Roland.
So if you want me to keep it a secret,
you agree to make Sins of the Father.
Yavo THROWS his drink in Ken’s face. Stands.
You fucking BLACKMAILING piece of SHIT.
I could GIVE a FUCK if you release a PORNO
with my FAGGOT SON.
A SMOOTH, EURO MAITRE’ D approaches.
SMOOTH, EURO MAITRE’ D
I’m sorry, sir --
but I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
You’re creating quite a scene --
A SCENE? You want to see a SCENE?
He GRABS the edge of the table with his fists.
LIFTS it, and TOPPLES IT onto Rice.
China, glasses, silverware go FLYING onto Ken,
who HITS the floor, screaming like a girl.
And YOU can pay the CHECK.